Connecting to Masculinity

 In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Luke and Joanne discuss how men can Connect to Their Masculinity. This episode is for men who feel disconnected from themselves and can’t find a sustainable way through emotional challenges.  

In the Unpack That segment, Luke and Joanne discuss the impact that stress is having with financial challenges that are at the root of the cost-of-living crisis. 

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into: 

• Understanding what negative masculinity is and the impact on others around you
• Strategies on how to connect with masculinity 
• Knowing how you have moved out of your masculinity 

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🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s open up about the challenges we all face, one real chat at a time.
 
 

Credits:
 
The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon
 
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
 
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
 
Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Life's full of bumps and bruises. I'm Luke Lee Tet, counsellor and life coach, joined by Joanne Lee Tet, mum and HR professional living what seems to be a never-ending roller coaster.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Each week we discuss strategies to navigate the bumpy road of life.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

With practical approaches to difficult life moments, we bring real life options to the challenges everyday people face.

SPEAKER_04 0:30

Welcome to Life's Bumps and Bruces.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

We're glad you're here. And as always, I'm here with Joanne. How are you, Joe?

SPEAKER_03 0:49

All right, how you doing?

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Yeah, buggered, man. I was being like this is the long weekend. King's birthday weekend in Victoria. And we found a leak in the roof in our porch. And like I used to be a tradie, right? Probably not a good one, but I used to be a tradie. And uh like yeah, had to get up on the roof, make sure everything was sealed because it wasn't. Um beautiful builders.

SPEAKER_04 1:16

I know our house is not even two years old.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

I know, man. Um and then cut cut plaster out, replace it, paint it. And I'm sore now.

SPEAKER_04 1:24

All you do is whinge. Sore now. Over your whinging.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

I played baseball last week too, and I'm still struggling. Oh god. My body's still sore. Here we go.

SPEAKER_04 1:33

Just doesn't do uh it's excuse after excuse with you.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Good on you, mate. How are your week being?

SPEAKER_04 1:38

Oh, same.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Yeah, yeah, excuse after excuse.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

Yeah, at work, juggling kids. Yeah, the usual.

SPEAKER_00 1:46

Yeah, yeah. And what's making it difficult is the amount of shifts that Patrick's been getting.

SPEAKER_04 1:50

And they've all been late.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Oh, and they're all late. Finishing at 11. It's just jargon. But anyway, um, I hope everybody enjoyed our last episode on screen time. How's your screen time gone this week, Joanne?

SPEAKER_04 2:03

Oh, you know, it's really hard when you talk about screen time. I read books on my phone. So if I'm sitting there reading a book, it's like I'll watch it on my phone again.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

And every time I walk past you on your phone, you're playing a game of some type.

SPEAKER_04 2:13

I'm not. You are my book.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

You are, mate.

SPEAKER_04 2:16

You see what you want to see.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Yeah, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah. It just happens to be always at the same time. Um okay. Well, I hope everyone got something out of that last uh episode. Uh this week we're going to talk about something that's coming up a lot in my office recently about um being a man and being a female. Uh, I think that that is um a big topic that we're gonna roll into one. We've gone over little bits and pieces, but thought I'd be a little bit more specific this week around the impacts of it when you're not being your feminine energy, when you're not being your masculine energy, um, and how that is actually playing out in relationships, marriages, families, all of that sort of stuff. It's um it's actually quite a big issue that's uh plaguing everybody.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

Yeah, and not realizing that you can um use both, regardless if you're a man or a woman, you can use both energies.

SPEAKER_05 3:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:12

Um, but then also the expectations of what we put on our partners and what should be their role or expected of them without even communicating it.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

For sure, 100%. But you've got to unpack that. Before we get into that, we've got to unpack that.

SPEAKER_04 3:26

I do have an unpack that. And it's something that um I hear at work um a lot because more and more people want more ships and they need to work more hours because the the pay packers just aren't um, you know, paying what they need to pay um at the moment because everything is expensive. Um so, you know, I think during the week the Fair Work Commission put up the minimum wage and they said the minimum wage that they put it up doesn't even cover inflation. And, you know, it's it's that it's it's really difficult out there because you have businesses that are trying to survive. Um, that, you know, obviously they have to find additional money to pay obviously more money because minimum wage has gone up, but they can't then put their prices up to match that um because now who can afford to pay for it? So it's a it's a really difficult situation out there for families and individuals trying to make ends meet, and then obviously the businesses trying to make money. And I speak to my sister who runs her own business um and she's in the catering world, and she buys some really good quality foods, and she says, you know, sometimes my profit margins are less than 5% because the the the price of the food is so high for her um to get it out there, and um, people are just not willing to pay more, even though her products have gone up. Um, so it's really difficult. And so so today, an unpack that is more around that financial um burden and the unexpected bills and how do we how do we keep stretching our pay packets? Um, because it's getting to a point now that people just can't afford to live. And I have a look at your mum, and she got notice that her rent was increasing. She had a big rent rate increase last year per week, and she's had a bigger one this year. And it'll get to the point as a single person, single um person paying for rent and bills and everything else, she's not going to be able to afford to continue paying rent by herself at some point because her pay is just not increasing to keep up with those increases. So, what do we do? How do how do we how do we continue to move forward with these bills coming in that your income's just not stretched to cover?

SPEAKER_00 5:39

I don't know if I have the answer for that.

SPEAKER_04 5:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

To be honest with you, I don't. I'm not an economist.

SPEAKER_04 5:43

No, of course not. But you know, the there's so much stress around it. And where if you are in in a family or a couple, um, there's sometimes finger pointing of you spending too much on this or you don't earn enough, go and get another job, or you know, you need to pick up extra shifts. Um, and there's a real microscope on what's being spent and what is then considered a luxury item that one person might think that you should be able to cut it out, um, where somebody else is trying to expand the budget going a bit further. You know, and then it comes down to sports, you know, if kids have got sport, is that something that you cut out? Like it's really difficult, but the stress then leaves that person or a family unit is really difficult.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

You know what? I'm I'm in an industry where as soon as things go up, uh they'll become I'm not the first service to be.

SPEAKER_04 6:34

Yeah, let's cut out the counseling because I can't afford that anymore.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

And I don't think they've thought about this the government in general, because if you think about if they can't afford to pay for it themselves, that means they're gonna have to go on the mental health plans. They're already stretched the way they are.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

Yeah, and the weights are ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

They are. They can't they can't take on uh enough clients, and you think they'd burn out. And then you'd have less people in the industry to support people. So I don't know if there's a I don't know. To me personally, I think that it's a really shit time. We're gonna have a lot of, and what I find really interesting is with the the amount of people that own rental properties um selling up yeah because of all the uh changes the changes to things and not just capital gains but the whole bunch of things. So even now, like was it cost you 250 bucks for somebody to go in and change the smoke alarm batteries? Yeah, and you have to do it because you need the certificate to say you did it.

SPEAKER_04 7:30

Yeah, well, I was speaking to a family member and he's got he's got uh rentals and I was winching about because obviously my mother-in-law's in um situation how the rent has gone up. And he goes, Joe, you haven't taken into account how much land rates for us investors have gone up. He goes, It's ridiculous. He goes, So we don't put our rents, our rents up. We actually don't make anything or cover the mortgage if if there was a mortgage. He said, We can't afford it either. And so he's up, he's in the situation where he's got quite a few. And I said, and he goes, Well, I'm gonna have to start selling to make sure that I'm there not in a risk myself. Yeah, and he's got multiple. Now you only have one as an investor. Is it actually an investment now?

SPEAKER_00 8:10

Well, it is, but it's not.

SPEAKER_04 8:11

It's a long-term investment. But the way properties are right now, if you're buying high, you're not gonna see that return for a long, long, long time.

SPEAKER_00 8:18

Well, let's just say that that these people are selling those properties, right? And they're going like hot cakes, right? And at the same time, that there are a whole bunch of them that aren't getting the return on the investment either, because it the market isn't allowing them to uh sell it at a level that they should be, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:36

And then then we have a whole lot of renters that uh can't afford their rent. Where do all these people go?

SPEAKER_04 8:42

You're right, you're right. So the lady at work and I was having a chat to her, and she's like, at the end of I've been given notice, I have to move. And if August, the person is selling and kicking me out, they've given me a notice. Uh at the end of her lease anyway, but she goes, I've been living there for years and always rolled over. And she's like, I I don't even know where to begin because every place I'm going to, there's hundreds of people lining up with applications. She goes, I don't even know where I'm going to be living.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

And even if you did, could you afford the rent now?

SPEAKER_04 9:09

Could you afford the rent?

SPEAKER_00 9:10

Because of it all the hikes, and you know what? The difficult part is none of them will change. No.

SPEAKER_04 9:14

So you look at the uh market's so hot, it's not going to go down.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

Yeah, but the land rates as well. Like when you start tacking that stuff on, then the demand for the supply that's available, it's just it's never going to drop.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

No, it's it's a shit time.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

And our country's in a in a position where it's almost like we almost need to cap everything so that we can survive. Because right now, you look at uh just building something in this country, manufacturing in general, costs are through the roof because they have to, with all the uh EBAs and stuff like that that are out there, it costs a fortune to have uh somebody work for you.

SPEAKER_02 9:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:51

So then if that's the case, then the price of the product has to go up. And it doesn't matter, it's universal. So then then why? Well, then what? We all of a sudden we're gonna be in a position where we can't build or manufacture anything here because we can't afford to.

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Yeah. I mean, I don't know what the answer is. Like you said, we're we're not economists, we don't set policy. That's not our role, and we're not here to throw mud at anyone, but it's coming back to the individual and what effect it's having on them and the family. And we've seen people break up over money. Um, and it's it's really horrible.

SPEAKER_00 10:22

It is.

SPEAKER_04 10:22

Um, because the financial pressure and they just can't see an out or an option. And breaking up doesn't always solve the issue. No, no, no. If anything, it makes it worse for a little bit. Um, and we're not saying that you should stay with your partner if you're not happy, it's just money is such a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

I think the problem when we ha are stressed is if we can't take a responsibility for our role in it, then we blame the person that's closest to us. And that's not helpful.

SPEAKER_03 10:49

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

That doesn't solve the problem. That's why people separate over money, is because nobody can take responsibility for their role. And uh if if if you're stressed and you're struggling financially, which most of the country is, let's be honest, uh, if you're struggling financially, take responsibility for your role in it and actually work through it. Don't blame anybody. If you go into a conversation with your partner and you start going, you need to stop this, you need to stop that, you're paying for this and this, all this sort of stuff. Uh, there there is a that's not helpful. No. Right. And and there is a lifestyle change that has to happen. And that is bigger than the money itself.

SPEAKER_04 11:30

Yeah, it is. And it's kind of like kicking down the kicking the cans down the road. And it's like, yeah, I'll do it, yeah, yeah, I'll do it. And it's like it's just getting worse and worse and worse. And there's some really great tools out there to help. Like there's the barefoot investor. I've never looked at it, read it. Um, there's EAP that usually has a financial component to it. Our EAP have got some really good um financial components and counselors.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

The acronym, what does it mean?

SPEAKER_04 11:51

Uh, an employee assistance program. Yes. Um, they've got financial counselors.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Not all businesses have them.

SPEAKER_04 11:57

No, they don't. There are some really great businesses that's set up regarding and putting you on a budget and what you can spend, and they kind of take your money and make sure everything's covered. Um, they also you obviously have to pay them a fee to do that.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

But that comes out of the wage.

SPEAKER_04 12:10

It does come straight out of the wage. You don't even see it. So they they manage basically they manage all your wage for you. And um, I've had a family member that used them when they were in a prickly spot and it worked in their favour because they couldn't work it out themselves. Money is not something that we're taught how to manage.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Yeah, but neither are emotions. And when we look at money, there is an emotional component to money. Yes, there is that needs to be respected too, and I don't think it is. No, we see it as a separate thing. Lifestyle, uh money creates a lifestyle, right? And lifestyle has an emotional attachment to it. But there is stuff that I wouldn't want to give up, but if we had to, we had to. Yeah, right. Um, and I'd be gutted because we because my whole lifestyle would have to change if we did that. Yeah. However, um, what is in the best interest of us as a family, it's probably the most important thing. And I don't know, I have this um I have this way of thinking where it's like what am I attracting to myself? There are some things that are out of my control, but if I sit there and just dwell about all the negative stuff without a plan, then I'm gonna bring more negative stuff my way because that's what I'm looking for, right? And I I get that sounds a little airy-fairy, but it's not because you could look at it energetically. What energy am I drawing to myself? So if I'm sitting here with you and we're discussing finances, um we would say, okay, well, you know, I wish we recorded a conversation like that so that way we could both see it. Um, I'm looking at how positive we can look at it, you're looking at how negative you can look at it, and then I just go quiet because it's like, what's the point? You're not listening to what I'm saying. Yeah. And then you feel the same way from me that you're not listening to what I'm saying. So that that that there isn't going to work things through, and then we kick your can down the road. Yeah. Um, but I'll for me, it's more like, okay, what can we give up and what can't we? Right? What is a necessity? These are the non-negotiables that can't move. I'm telling you, when you start looking at the non-negotiables that can't move, right, some of those things will be lifestyle, some of the things will not be things that you you can't live without. Right. So then it's like, well, uh, that part there is a difficult one because that's emotional, right? That is 100% emotional. I don't um they're the things that nobody really takes into account. I think. Those things that it's like that's a lifestyle. Netflix, Paramount, all those things. Yeah, 100%. Right. They're they're they're a lifestyle thing. And what we're doing is we're we are paying for lack of boredom, essentially, with those things, right? I mean, we have TV on when we eat dinner, right? Personally, because I don't want to listen to you chomping. Right. But um, but at the same time, what would we do with ourselves if we didn't have those types of things?

SPEAKER_04 15:07

I think that that's uh that doesn't uh we'll be going back years and years ago to our grandparents and had popping out 11, 12, 15 babies. Yeah, no TV.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Yeah, 100%. You you know you're struggling when uh you know that uh when the um when the internet goes out here, there's nothing to access. Yeah, because we don't have an antenna or anything like that. Yeah, there is nothing to access. So there we are scrounging around trying to find the old hard drives with TV stuff on it that we used to have back in the day before all those streaming services were there, all the pirated shit that we used to have. And then you you plug it in, so like, oh my god, this quality is shit. Oh, what can we watch here? There's not as much as we used to we thought we had. Um, but financially, I don't know, don't point fingers. Don't.

SPEAKER_04 15:55

But it's also hard because a lot of people out there that work shift work, try and then pick up an additional shift. Or they do pick up additional shifts, and before you know it, they're working and they're exhausted. And so now arguments are happening over money and exhaustion, and I'm pulling my weight. What are you doing? Um, you have other people that can't pick up additional shifts, so they go and get a second job and then the same thing happens. Or people don't pick up additional jobs and then try and stretch it as far as they can and cut things out. So the problem's still there.

SPEAKER_02 16:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 16:31

The problem's there. I'm now making additional money, but I never see my family. Or I'm so exhausted that I'm just snapping at them or not talking to them or whatever it may be, now placing blame somewhere else. So where do we go with that? It's about communicating and sitting down and working out what is the priority.

SPEAKER_00 16:49

No, no, you've got to do that anyway. I think it's more about um accepting where everything's at. And and people don't want to accept it. And then so then they blame government and whatever. The government fucked things up a fair bit without trying to get political. But it's that is a major issue right now, and it's the way that the the large portion of the population seeing things right now because they're so heavily impacted by some of the decisions. Um and then the banks just handing over the rates as well, that the rates hikes and stuff like that. But there's no acceptance of where things are at. We see this in just relationships in general, but there is no acceptance at all. It's just film, this is just your fault, my fault, whatever. And there's no acceptance of that, hey, this is something actually we can't really fully control. So if we can't, what parts can we?

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

We, what parts can we?

SPEAKER_02 17:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

Not you, not me, not Tom, you know, Uncle Tom down the road, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 17:55

Yeah, it's it is it's changing, it's changing with what you have in front of you. And you know, you can't control the prices of of things, you can't control the price of fuel or anything, but what can you change? And it might be, well, maybe I can catch a train into work to make it cheaper for ourselves right now. Doesn't mean it has to be like forever. So it's changing, like you said, changing the way you live, what your lifestyle is.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

I think that that that that piece is big, the acceptance bit. I know that in past, like let's just say things haven't been going the way we planned them to uh financially, uh, there's been a lack of acceptance for where things are at uh between us. And then in one of us is getting crabby about something. And to be honest with you, if we could just accept where it's at, things could be different between us. We can't change the financial stuff, we can't. There's fear in it. I'm afraid I'm gonna lose something. My car, my house, my whatever, right? They'll get that there's fear in that. But there are lots of different um avenues you can go down to get the support you need financially. Um, every bank has a hardship section.

SPEAKER_04 19:04

Yeah, and if you start mentioning hardship, especially like with your bills as well, there's grace periods, but you need to use the right language. You need to say hardship when you call them.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

It's almost you've got to use that.

SPEAKER_04 19:14

You have to use the word, otherwise things don't trigger, they don't give you the grace periods, they don't freeze the time that you have to pay bills and things like that. So it's really, really important that you're aware of that.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

And in the essential services, all essential services have to have that. Yes, they can't just cut your power off.

SPEAKER_04 19:31

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Can't cut the gas off. There are there are as long as you have communicated, if you haven't, you kind of got to treat these billing um uh these billing organizations like your wife. Like you've gotta communicate with them. If you don't communicate with them, they shut you down.

SPEAKER_04 19:49

You do, and it's really I think it's also really important, and I know programs bang on about this, is about shopping around. Like we just got our renewal for our um house contents. It's like, okay, I'm not just accepting it and rolling over for another year. What else is out there? And you know what, might come back to it at the end, and it might still be cheaper than everything else because everything has gone up.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

That you did to us.

SPEAKER_04 20:09

Yes, okay. We'll we'll leave that to the side. But you know, it's it's you have to shop around. You can't just accept that the rollover period is a good thing. Um, yes, it's annoying. Nobody likes spending time doing that and rather do something else. But what's the best deal for you?

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

What can you do? And what can stretch your dollar a bit further? Because if I'm saving, you know, 15 bucks a month on that, then 15 bucks a month on my gas and electricity, 15 bucks a month on something else, before you know it, you've saved over $200 a month, and that's you can put somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

I I don't I would say do those conversations, like those calls together. I think that that's probably a better way. Me and you can't do that together though.

SPEAKER_04 20:48

Oh, you're so frustrating.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

No, don't even start, man. Because you know what? We we'll be talking about, I'll be talking about something completely different to you, and you're like, no, no, no, that doesn't work. Oh my god, it actually works if you just look at this. This is exactly what they're saying. No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Well, like right now.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Or I'll be talking to them, and then old mate over here will just butt in. It's like, can woman, can you just shut up for a second, please? Just give let this play out, please.

SPEAKER_04 21:13

Well, look at it right now. I want to change over electricity because obviously electricity providers, they all have different rates. And right now, our old provider who we're with um has a free electricity period, which our current provider doesn't. And I'm gonna, Luke, let's jump on the bandwagon for that because we have a pool pump that runs and it it uses so much electricity, it's ridiculous. I'm like, let's run the pool pump during that free electricity.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Do you know that it works? How how much electricity is it using? Do you know?

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Yeah, because the apps these days show you exactly when it spikes, and you can actually see it the upper.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

But how do you know that's just that the pool pump?

SPEAKER_04 21:50

Because you see at the same time every single day that it's come on, even when we're here or not here, it's the same thing. The pool pump's ridiculous, Luke. So I want to move it. And your first thought is oh, we can't. Can't do that. It runs twice a day. If we move that time, then the other time is too late.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

SPEAKER_04 22:04

No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 22:05

You're talking about something different. Don't say no, no, no. You're saying no, that's not what you're saying. You do you've just jumped at I swear, it's like your brain just entered a portal into a different because I'm here on looking at a money side of things and you're looking at something else. Initially, you were talking about changing providers. Then all of a sudden, you're talking about how Luke doesn't want to change providers. It's like, hang on a second. No, this is a different conversation. You want to change pool, you want to change energy providers, let's do it. I don't care. But what you missed in your story was uh that you to work inside that free energy period, we would need to change when the pool pump comes out. That's right. That's not what you said that.

SPEAKER_04 22:47

That is what I said to and we can just read we'll cut that later. You know, listening to the words.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

I hope you re-listen to this. I hope you re-listen to this episode. Just so you know. Um anyway.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

Anyway, coming back to it, financial hardship, it's really hard. Stretching the bills, there is lots of avenues to seek help. Doesn't mean it's going to fix all your problems because it comes back to that connection that you have with what you're spending on. And if you're cutting everything out and you're still having financial hardship issues, what's the answer? I don't know what the answer is.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

I don't know what the answer is either. I really don't.

SPEAKER_04 23:25

Because lots of people are in that situation now. They've cut and they're still, you know, a bill pops up and it's like, how the hell am I going to pay that?

SPEAKER_00 23:31

In the past, you used to be able to sell your home, right? Well, now you could sell your home and still be left with a debt.

SPEAKER_04 23:38

The market's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

The market's just crashed. So it's like, what's the answer here?

SPEAKER_04 23:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

I I don't know what the answer is. Uh, I think that checking in with a budget company first would be a really good idea. Someone that does what the what was one that they have? I've got high budget or something like that.

SPEAKER_04 23:55

There's quite a few, but I don't know. I'm off the top of the book.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Like, we'll just use that as an example. Let's say we go to them and then they they will track everything you spend. I'm telling you, you're not going to be happy with that. You're not, because it's going to change your lifestyle. However, it could set you up. Yeah, it's not going to be a bad thing. Yeah. So I I would suggest doing that and just getting there, uh allow them to consult a little bit and then have a look at okay, where can we make changes to survive? Because that's really where we're at.

SPEAKER_04 24:24

I think it's really important that you actually speak to your partner if you're if you have a partner, if you're if you're by yourself and you've got no one you have to consult with, and that's okay. But um, you're not in alone and don't approach it as an argument and ahesion, blame each other.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:39

Because that's not going to get you anywhere either. No. No. You're going to end up in the same position. And if not, um, in a worse position as a as a couple.

SPEAKER_00 24:48

Yep. Yep. And the stress levels you think they're high now. Yeah. Well, wait till that start happening. That's right. It gets even worse. And my my suggestion would always be speak to the speak to your partner as early as you can. Don't hold on to stuff and then let it stack until now, now I'm like a liar just roaring at you. Um, have a chat first, early on. Um, I know that you've you've had that conversation with me last week or something, early this week, something like that. I don't know. But it was um, and I'm like, yep, that's all I said, yep. And I think you're waiting for me to respond differently. And I'm just like, yep, okay. That's all I said there, yep, okay.

SPEAKER_04 25:28

Yeah, because usually it's not really a discussion. I go in with a blame mentality and you usually roar back at me.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

No, I don't. I just let you talk.

SPEAKER_04 25:38

Yeah, but nothing changes because it's the way I've approached the discussion. Um, so but you don't come with facts.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

I guess hang on, I I know it. Um I know I'm blaming you, right? Well, I don't mean to speak blame mentality. I don't need to, but uh, I don't mean to, but it's okay. Approach your partner with facts. So, like let's just say you've got a a concern about finances, right? Do your homework first, present it. Present it. It changes the game. Instead of going in uh emotionally, um yapping away, here is the actual things that are going on here, Luke. Right? It's all here. This is what we're paying, right? These are the things we need to cut out so we can use that money for this, yeah, whatever that is, right? And then we can live a little bit more comfortably, or things are still tight and we're okay though. Um, but there's if you haven't done homework and you can't present anything, yeah. What's there to talk about?

SPEAKER_04 26:36

Yeah, and then you feel like you're just being blamed.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

Ultimately, then we are literally talking about how you feel about money. We're not talking about well what the um well what's the solution to the problem you are having or what we are having. So um do your homework first, present the issue so that way you can come up with a solution to go.

SPEAKER_04 26:58

Great. All right, so after this, I'm gonna show you the app with the pool pump and how that spikes, and then we're gonna change the electricity over. Awesome, good, good conversation.

SPEAKER_00 27:05

Listen here, mate. At the end of the day, all right, if you change electricity providers, I'm gonna change in that pool pump time. I know I will. You know why? Because I'm not gonna have a bloody choice, and it would already be done before you even tell me that we are gonna do it. So uh, you know what?

SPEAKER_04 27:23

And look I knew how to do it, I'll do it myself.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

All right, right, you know, sure.

SPEAKER_04 27:28

Anyway, stop rubbing your head, Luke.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Yeah, yeah. You give me a headache, though. Um, the um oh my god, it's like this, right? Joanne is saying that she's looking at changing um our uh electricity providers, right?

SPEAKER_04 27:45

Then really I am changing it.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

She's already done it in her head.

SPEAKER_04 27:49

Yep. She is I'm communicating though.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

Okay, and so then what she's doing is she's she's got to manage her time for her screen time to get in the way of making the call. So uh okay. So anyway, um we I I guess we're changing electricity providers. Yeah, and I'm changing the timer on the pump. Okay, cool. We're good.

SPEAKER_04 28:15

Cool. Hope you guys got something out of that.

SPEAKER_00 28:19

Please just reach out, get support wherever you can. Wherever you can. Um, don't make it a relationship issue because it's not, it's not. It's stress uh because of things that uh for a large part are probably out of your control. You might have to change some lifestyle changes. Yeah. But you know what? Go get support from budget companies wherever you can.

SPEAKER_04 28:40

Yeah, and they're a setup because you're not alone. Yes, you know, there's so many people out there in the same situation that have no idea where to begin. Um, and it begins with you doing some research on who are those companies, who are the people that can support you, because they will actually look at everything you spend on and they will ask you the hard questions. Is this a necessity or is this something that you just want to have?

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:02

And that's where they they can have those conversations with you as well. If you don't want to reach out to those people and do it yourself, that's okay. But you also need to have a hard book in and have the same conversation. Otherwise, you're just kicking the can down the road.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Roger that. Roger. All right, so all good. Let's move along. So, what have we got today? We're gonna talk about we've chewed up a bit of time with that because it's an important conversation.

SPEAKER_04 29:26

It is an important conversation, but we can break this up over two episodes if you like.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

We can, we can. Um what has been coming a lot in lately into the office is even for long-term clients, is a disconnection from themselves, their innate self. So I know that there have been I reckon probably 80% of people that have been that are in relationships are coming here, um, not as couples, but they've just come in individually, are having the opposite issue to their gender. Right. So let's just say I'm I'm a man, masculine energy, I'm having issues with um what's it called, with uh being feminine, right? Where they become too feminine and they become too emotional and they're not able to manage themselves in it. Like on we had uh I had a client come in who had some issues with uh a girlfriend, right? And he was saying that he um uh he was saying something about how they're young and this this young girl was dressing provocatively to go to a party, he wasn't gonna be there and all this sort of stuff. He's asked her not to wear it, and and she's just like, no, this makes me feel good, right? I looked at the the the attire that she was gonna be wearing, it's like wow, um may as well just go in a bikini, right? I mean, you're showing off everything though, like but anyway, if that's what makes her feel good, that's what makes people good, okay. Appreciate it. Uh, and then he got really crabby over time, and what he didn't recognize was that his masculine energy didn't create any boundaries for him in a relationship, and so she didn't know where to go. And I'm telling you, this is a big issue for a lot of men right now, they're not being men, they're not, so then there's no boundaries. She didn't know where the the uh how far she could go, so she just kept going, right? And did whatever she wanted to do, which is I can appreciate. But when you're with a relationship, we've got to work in with each other. And uh he was getting all suky, like real suky, and then uh become real bitchy. Masculine energies aren't bitchy, they're they're assholes for sure. They can be very sharp, they can be very harsh, but they're not bitchy. And he was getting real bitchy, and he was going, I don't even know what's going on here. I can't even manage her, Michael, because you're not talking like a man, talking like a uh a feminine energy. You're using too much feminine energy that's separated you. This is a bloky bloke. You separated you from yourself, and he's like, Oh my god, maybe you're right. I'll just walk around, like I've got a massage table in here for kinesiology work I do. So just walk around the um the table. There's two or three times. So he walks around the table, and you should see the walk on him. Oh my god. It's like shoulders hunched forward, and his back's hunched forward, head looking down on the floor, and he's like shuffling his feet, and it's all uh yeah, everyone hates me. I'm gonna go eat some worm shit. And then I'm like, all right, now can you do me a favor? I want you to walk like a man would, like your dad would. He's like, Really? Yeah, go and do that, do that three times. And he puts on this persona, shoulders go back, head goes up, and he's walking with a purpose, no shuffling feet, it's just with a purpose. And I'm like, how do you feel now? Oh, I feel really good. I feel really good. Like, that's because you're you're accessing your masculine energy. So fast forward a week, he gives me a call. He's like, hey, this masculine energy energy shit, that's fucking sick. I'm like, okay, tell me about it. And he's like, Well, I spoke to my my girlfriend, I said, no more of this stuff. And there was a couple of other issues, and he goes, and I just set boundaries, not nasty. I just just said to her, Listen, this can't keep happening. We need to, this is the the the point where we can't go on anymore, and uh this is basically zero barrier, right? We're done here, so I need to clean this up because I actually um value and care for you, right? No more. Yeah no more. And he explained it pretty clear a lot better than what I'm doing right now because I've got to be careful how much I share. But uh he's um is like, and she's just like, oh yeah, of course. No worries, I'm sorry, right? And was really nice about it. He goes, and since then, everything's been fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 34:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:11

I'm like, that's because this is one thing that I need all men to understand. When it comes to uh feminine energies, especially, imagine you know you got a cat. Cat goes up to a scratch post, you know, ones with the wrap with carpet, right? And they rub themselves up against and they scratch against it and all that sort of stuff. The moment that that post moves, the cat becomes skittish and runs away. And you can never go up to it. And if it does go up to it, it's very cautious, right? And it just creeps up, sniffs it out, makes sure that it's okay, is it gonna move on me again? And then it moves again. Boom, the cat never comes back. In that um, in that story, the scratch post is the man. Okay, we are the scratch post. As soon as we move, the boundaries change, everything changes. And as soon as a uh a woman or a feminine energy is uh unable to rely on you, lean up against you, they become skittish and ruddless. And then once that happens, the whole world changes inside the relationship, completely flips on its head, and it's really difficult to get back because then what men will do most of the time will retreat inward and then withdraw. While the woman is sitting there going, I need you to come with me, and then this is the thing, it kills it is then the woman, the feminine energy ends up having to do the role of a man and a f and a woman in a relationship, and that's where the shit gets real bad, like really bad. What I found is working with clients, especially the female clients that are having issues with their boyfriends or even their same-sex partners, their periods are fucked, completely gone. Completely. It's like you know, every 28 days is basically when a woman should have a period. They can't tell you when they're gonna have the period. It's all over the place. Sometimes it's herbie, sometimes it's slight, sometimes it it comes with some really sharp pain. And I could tell you that in in I reckon every time it's because a woman has removed themselves from their femininity. Once that happens, they're moved into masculinity. So it's really important for men to be men for women and for themselves. Uh, it because the health implications of that sort of stuff is actually really bad. Weight will go up, right? For a woman, weight's gonna go up because the the cycle isn't happening, the body's getting thrown out, the biological stuff in the body is just getting thrown out, or because they had to be both masculine and feminine. Does that make sense to you?

SPEAKER_04 37:06

Yes, it does. It does, and I have lots of questions. Um, so from a from a female perspective, looking at that, I I agree and and disagree at the same time because there's lots of different things that you've just said. Um, you know, a lot of women just want to be independent.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

And well, what is independence?

SPEAKER_04 37:29

Well when I look when I look at lots of different relationships, um yes, what you've said, I can I can see a lot of that. And I'll just I can't even give an example because you said so much. Um, but from a female perspective, there I know right away there's quite a few people that I know that will rebut everything you've just said.

SPEAKER_00 37:50

Sick, let's have that conversation.

SPEAKER_04 37:52

And that, you know, I just know what I want. And how dare a man tell me how to dress? And you know, I don't care about what his thoughts are. If I'm feeling comfortable wearing hardly nothing to a party, that's his problem. He needs to, he needs to take care of his own problem because I feel good.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

Are you gonna want him to protect you when you have guys all drooling all over you and hanging off you?

SPEAKER_04 38:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Yeah, we don't want to talk about that bit though, do we?

SPEAKER_04 38:17

That's a good point because you know, it comes back to a woman should be able to feel do what she wants, dress how she wants, and feel safe doing it. Men should be able to um do what they're told? No, do what they're told, but also have there's barriers, you know, look and don't touch, or in some cases, don't even look. That's how, you know, um I want to dress the way I want to dress.

SPEAKER_00 38:41

Men assess threat better than women.

SPEAKER_04 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:44

Can you explain that?

SPEAKER_00 38:45

Well, if it let's just say uh you walk out there in provocative clothing, right? I'm assessing who's gonna be looking at that, right? And then it's like, oh, well, then how do I protect you from that? How do I protect myself from that? And there's a lot, there's a lot into that. So then I'm constant state of uh hyper arousal where I'm looking around, going, oh my god, who's looking at her? Where's the threat gonna come from? Because the society itself isn't set up for you to be safe. It's not. So who's gonna do it? And this is controversial, but we haven't leveled out yet. Okay, and at some point we will hopefully, but I haven't haven't leveled out yet. So you're talking about independence and all that sort of stuff, right? The uh liberating women movement, which needs to happen, right? Has gone too far. Where now, and men have allowed it to go too far in themselves, not to stop women, that's not what I mean, but I mean that they have to stop women from liberating stuff. It's got nothing to do with that. I'm saying that men have lost their place in it, and so now they don't know what they can and can't do. That's the reality. And I could tell you now that happens here a lot. That's happened to me a lot. It's like, well, what can I say? Because no matter what I say, I'm wrong. And and I literally feel like uh a boy being told off by his mother because this independence uh has literally gone and emasculated men in lots of ways, and men allowed it instead of stopping and going in a masculine way and going, that's not acceptable, you need to stop. They never did that. Normal most part, they never did, and they allowed this to go on too far. And so, in all things we do in society, we go too far one way, then we go too far the other, and then we find the middle. We haven't found the middle yet.

SPEAKER_01 40:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Right. So, you know, what are your thoughts on that based on what you're talking about?

SPEAKER_04 40:44

No, I agree. I agree. And I look at it from a workplace sense. Workplace sense, most workplaces will have a dress code. You know, you can't dress like that at work because we're in a professional setting, and I need people to work, not look at you up and down of what you're wearing and how much skin you're showing.

SPEAKER_00 40:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 40:59

But if I'm going out to a club, like if you how are you going to the club? Why are you going to a club? Club's to have a friend that drinks with friends, maybe meet a guy, have fun.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

Meet a guy, meet a guy, which is why you chose skin.

SPEAKER_04 41:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

To be fair, right?

SPEAKER_04 41:13

Yes. But at the same time, there is that that part of women would think it of how am I safe? How am I going to keep myself safe?

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Well, how are you? Well. You don't know what's out there.

SPEAKER_04 41:29

No, and you don't know how people think and how far no, how what men think.

SPEAKER_00 41:33

You don't know what men think. You think you do, but you know, shit about men. Let's be honest.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

And the barriers and the respect, like, you know, I hope that we're raising, I know we're raising a good son. Um, and he is he's respectful and he knows the boundaries, but there's lots of people out there that don't.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

But you know what? But at some point he will not respect the boundaries. Uh it's it's gonna happen. I'm I'm not suggesting he's gonna go rape somebody, but what I'm saying, he'll overstep a boundary at some point. It was how is he getting brought back into line? Right.

SPEAKER_04 42:08

And how are those around him behaving as well? Because let's not forget the the point of peer pressure and what you do to fit in with your friends. So if your friends are wolflessly a chick down the street, that's one thing. But if they're, you know, now following her and saying shit behind her just to get some attention, um, you know, that's something else. It's creepy shit.

SPEAKER_00 42:30

It is creepy, but that's what I'm saying. Like, how do you protect yourself from that as a woman?

SPEAKER_04 42:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

You don't.

SPEAKER_04 42:35

Well, you can't, because you don't know who where the boundary is with each individual person, where's their moral compass? That's right. You've got no idea.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

That's right. And this is what I'm saying about men.

SPEAKER_04 42:44

And so from a man's point of view, you're trying to protect her from all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

Yes, 100%. It's happening all the time. So if you are, if you are provocative, addressing provocatively, the man is 100% on guard the whole time, looking for threat. And if and because at some point, men have no, they couldn't give a shit about other men. Let's be honest, they don't. So then they'll go over and they'll talk to you, Mrs. Matt. They'll talk to her. And then the man will notice how close that other man is getting. It's animalistic now. And so then it's like, well, I'm gonna give this dude hiding. First, I'll tell him to back off. He doesn't back off, then I'll smack him in the mouth. That's the way men, real men work. That's it's the truth. They're not able to manage themselves when they become animalistic. They can't. So then what? So then what do they do? What happens in the relationship is then the partner, the female partner, then tells the man off for stepping in. You can't see what's about to happen. We do, we can say, because we're them. We're men. We've done it probably before, overstep the Boundaries. Somebody pulled us back in line, otherwise, we wouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. And so then it's like, well, now all. And I'm telling you now that because of this uh females not allowing men to kind of protect them because of that independence, independence is perfect, it's great, should always happen. Everyone should be independent in some capacity. But now we're taking away the animalistic part of our of men away from them. And so then when you need them to step up as a man for you, they're not there. They're not taught that anymore. They're being taught this is this is how bad it gets. Let me tell you how fucked up this shit is. Boy goes to school, right? This is taught at school. Boy goes to school, gets angry. What are this? What do the teachers tell them? They tell them you're not allowed to be angry. Bullshit. I am absolutely allowed to be angry. How I contain it, anger is how do I manage that? That's different. That's the conversation. But they're telling them you're not allowed to be angry. You need to come and get support. Okay. What does that support look like when I'm animalistic right now? The testosterone's off the charts. This is what testosterone does. Right? So then they're more. So now they're being told they're not allowed to be angry. All right. So that means that for a majority of boys and men, you're taking away one of the biggest emotions that they feel. Understand that they will they will misinterpret the inputs. So then everything, every emotion, most emotions will go to anger. Sadness might go to anger. Grief might go to anger. Um, loneliness might be interpreted as anger for a boy, right? And that's the truth. You know, then and we could go over the female side of that too. There's quite a bit there where it gets misinterpreted until we develop, right? So then they're being told they're not allowed to have the biggest emotion that they're going to feel. Where did that leave them? Where does that leave them? Controlling anger. I wouldn't want anybody to control anger. What I would want them to do is control the outcome of anger for sure. Manage that, absolutely. But uh, you're not allowed to be angry. That's bullshit, man. It'd be like telling you you're not allowed to be, um, you're not allowed to be emotional and cry.

SPEAKER_04 46:25

I don't.

SPEAKER_00 46:26

Bullshit. So then if you you get what I mean? You're not allowed to cry. It's about but let's flip it on the other side. Girls go to school, right? And they're not all girls. I'm not, I'm I'm picking a very small bunch of girls here. Girls will go to school, they'll be mean girls. They get away with fucking everything.

SPEAKER_04 46:50

You see that in the workplace as well.

SPEAKER_00 46:51

Why the fuck is that? And so then there's this discrepancy around what it is that I can be and what it is that you can do. You can actually hurt me way more than I can hurt you right now. As a man, physically, I could hurt you. You're gonna come at a massive cost. Yeah, you could hurt me emotionally and fuck my whole life and flip me upside down and then pole drive me into the ground and walk away scot-free.

SPEAKER_02 47:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:20

There is a massive um imbalance here. All because men haven't stood up and and and owned their space. They don't have to do it in a um in a space where it's like um political or put up a a big um song and dance and uh float down the um and and march down the street, you know, with banners and shit. They don't have to do it like that, but they just have to own their space and they don't. But they don't stand tall. Soon as a female starts talking down to them, they crumble. Like an old Anzac, they cookie me. I've seen it all the time, bro. All the time. They don't they don't step up. I was in a position where uh, you know, over the last probably three or four years, where I had a lot of complaints about uh me, and they're all women, all of them. And when I sat back and I was looking at it, a lot of the females that were coming after me were in a power struggle with saying similar shit to what you just said about independence, right? I don't need a man type shit, right? And that's okay. If you don't need a man, good on you, fantastic, go. But let me tell you, when you look at them, they're masculine energies. And it was a power struggle because they wanted the power that I had, and so the only way that they could do that was belittle me and trying to emasculate me. Yeah, and it worked.

SPEAKER_04 48:49

And because, um, and from what I see, you get the attention very easily. You have an easy command that comes with your masculinity, where um these individual women don't. It comes across as whiny and bitchy and in your face, and but they want the command. Yes, they want that command, and it doesn't come naturally to them.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

No, and then they then they do this Chat and Ole shit. What about me? It isn't fair. I don't have enough now on my share. Give fucked, go earn it, mate. You know, I say this I say this to all the teams that I work with, right? Is does everybody deserve to win? They always say no. I always laugh at them. Everybody who puts a uniform on to play a sport deserves to win. Everybody, but not everybody earns it. And it's the same with being a man. Do you deserve to be a man? Yes, but are you gonna earn it? Right? And that doesn't look like throwing your muscles around and telling everybody how to do their shit. It's it's more about how do I own my space? How do I stand in my space? How do I occupy my space? Do I occupy it like a sooky little whiny little boy, or do I stand up tall and then take ownership for where I'm going and what I'm doing?

SPEAKER_04 50:06

And and depending on what's happening around you, you pivot on what to use. Like you're not using that present in every little facet of your life because you and me would punch on if we did.

SPEAKER_02 50:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 50:19

Um, so so it's about pivoting and you know, being different people at the time that you need to be. So sorry, no, not different people.

SPEAKER_00 50:28

Yes, yes, different energies, different energies.

SPEAKER_04 50:30

Yes, that's right. So you're talking about the masculine masculine and feminine energy. You have both and you use what you need in certain situations. Yes, your masculine energy is more, but you can also use the feminine energy. Like you, I don't think you could do your role without it.

SPEAKER_00 50:44

You'll see I do my role in a masculine energy. Do you believe that?

SPEAKER_04 50:49

No, I said you you use a female mass um energy.

SPEAKER_00 50:53

Yeah, and my question was I use my masculine energy in my role. Do you believe that?

SPEAKER_04 50:59

No, I don't. Well, I use I believe you would use it both, mainly your masculine, but I'll make you think that I don't only use masculine.

SPEAKER_00 51:08

No.

SPEAKER_04 51:10

I just don't believe that you could do from a masculine side, they do caring very differently to a feminine side.

SPEAKER_00 51:19

How do they do caring? This is important for everybody, come on. Why how do they do it?

SPEAKER_04 51:26

How do they do it?

SPEAKER_00 51:27

Yeah, how do they do caring for masculine? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:30

Um, I see creating a safe environment. Um listening and knowing you, you don't do the solving, which is probably a masculine thing. Yeah. The female would want to be in there and solve it for them.

SPEAKER_00 51:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:54

So maybe yes, maybe you're right.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Yeah. How do you like that? What about this one? What about the other parts of it? So that's all what we want from people in my industry, huh?

SPEAKER_04 52:04

Yes, no, you definitely want that. But I think it's also highlighting that from a masculine point of view, that that caring and listening space isn't always there.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

No, it's not. They tell everybody how to do suck extra. That's right. But the other part that's masculine is there's no mincing of words when I ask you a question.

SPEAKER_04 52:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 52:24

Where the feminine energy talk around it and then eventually get to it. Um direct with the questioning, but from an empathetic space, that's masculine energy. Right? So there's nothing wrong with that. I think that's what where a lot of men have lost their way, is they're like, well, either I'm over-the-top man, right? Ra rah-rah, drinking beers, kick the dog, whatever, right? Like the like in the 60s, 70s, or I'm very feminine, touchy-feely snag type shit, right? To me, you can use your masculine energy in a positive way or a negative way. Which one do you choose? Right. And I think that that there who's teaching you how to do that now? The school system doesn't allow you to be a man.

SPEAKER_04 53:15

Well, even just using the terminology masculine feminine energy. No, they say I don't think I've ever heard that even in the school system.

SPEAKER_00 53:23

No, no, you're not allowed to say that shit anymore. Right? So now that the uh I find this really funny, actually. Um, and it's I guess depending on which side the fans you sit on, it could be controversial, is that they say that uh inclusion is important. Yeah, 100% correct. Inclusion is important, right? And not just for the people that are what they you know, what is considered minorities, like the LGBTQ uh community, they absolutely need to be accepted and included for sure. You can't treat them like shit, that's just bullshit. They're still human, yeah, right? But what about the other side of the coin? Women have always been accepted. Men are not accepted. Masculine men are not accepted. That's the truth, man. They get pushed to the side all the time until shit goes bad, and it's like, yo, I need you out. I'm telling you, they're not included, they're not accepted, not the same. We got a friend who is um very masculine, gets pushed down all the time. All the time. Now he's a bit ADHD-ish, right? And his brain moves at a million miles an hour. He's got solutions coming out of his ass before he finished the question, right? He's very, very good at it, but he gets shot down because he's moving too fast, right? If he was able to slow down a little bit and listen a little bit more and more intently, might be accepted a little different. But I'm telling you, most men that are at that level that are very masculine are not accepted the same.

SPEAKER_04 54:59

I don't know. I I agree and disagree. And why I disagree is because if if that masculine energy um that we're talking about right now is in a role that we need, it's accepted.

SPEAKER_00 55:14

Yeah, that's right. That's what I just said. Because I it should fall apart. I need your help. Come.

SPEAKER_04 55:19

Not not even not even falling apart. Like they're very good at what they do. So I could go to somebody else, but if I want the best, I'm gonna put up with that bullshit because Yeah, but how long until he gets shut down? Depends on what the industry is. Seriously, it depends on what the industry is. 100% I don't agree with. Because you have people that refer to it as a boys' club, it's a very boys' club, and if you can't fit into that boys' club, boys' clubs should never exist, just so you know. I agree it shouldn't. But who's gonna burst that bubble? Because they're likely to turn around and say, you know what, fuck off. This is us. This is us. If you don't want us, fine or take somewhere else that does. And that's a real shame.

SPEAKER_00 56:00

Boys' clubs should never exist. They should never exist no matter where. Should never they ostracize people together.

SPEAKER_04 56:07

100% they do.

SPEAKER_00 56:08

But then and they don't mean to. So, like the because there's too much testosterone in the air, and the way that they communicate and tell jokes and all that sort of stuff is very unique to men. Um, it it uh alienates people. And so they're like, oh fuck, I I can't do this, it's off the charts.

SPEAKER_04 56:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:27

Um, that's why I think that they should never exist.

SPEAKER_04 56:30

Yeah, and unfortunately they do. And in the in the settings that they do exist, it's almost like they're untouchable and you can't you can't burst that bubble because you need them in the space that they're working.

SPEAKER_00 56:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 56:45

Um, but it's a real shame because because it pushes people out that that need to work or learn or be involved in that space, and they're just like, I can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 56:54

But you see how they're not accepted. They're still not accepted. They did it themselves, yeah, but they're not accepted.

SPEAKER_02 57:02

True.

SPEAKER_00 57:03

No matter what, they're not accepted. We need you now to do this thing because you're good at this thing, but you're not accepted, just so you know. And and I'm telling you, the more uh the the more that you are not accepted and the more that you spend time around uh females, the more you will feel it. And if you're not accepted as a man, right, what are you doing to help push that along? Right? Because it's not just a female thing. That's probably the way you are uh uh emitting your energy to the world, right? Are you not pivoting, like you said before? Are you not listening? Are you trying to solve everybody's problems? Or are you just yeah, you know, if you're doing that, then forget it. You're not gonna be accepted. But I'll tell you now, to be honest with you, I don't fully feel accepted either. That's how I feel too.

SPEAKER_04 58:00

From what point?

SPEAKER_00 58:01

Uh you just in lots of different ways. Like when I'm around people, the things that I have, these are the things that go through my head. I have to be mindful of my size, how I intimidate people. Um, I have to be super, super uh mindful of the language I'm using, the tone that I'm using.

SPEAKER_03 58:23

Definitely the tone.

SPEAKER_00 58:24

Everything, like every little micro thing, I have to be um uh mindful of. Do you know how exhausting that is? Which means I'm not accepted either. Now, if I even even in this right here, there'll be people that are listening to this episode, be like, Luke, you're a misogynistic pig. Okay, fair enough. But if you're not, if you're looking at it that way, you're not listening to the message. And so, and again, you're just moving into the fold of like, well, see, we're not gonna accept this opinion, but I'm telling you, work with this all the time, every day right now, every day in the last probably month, a little bit over, this has been an issue for somebody. And we'll talk about the feminine side as well, because there is another half to that yin-yang, all that sort of stuff, but the uh the masculine energy changes everything. And if we do that, then women can be women. If we go back to caveman days, it's a bit like having we're in a cave, and the the back then woman was looking after everything around us. So they were cooking, they were looking after the the children, all that sort of stuff, right? Keeping the fire lit, all that shit. And then who was standing at the entrance of the cave was the man, right? The protector. Where we're at now is let's just say we remove that caveman from the entrance of the cave. Now we have women who are looking up at the entrance of the cave to make sure it's safe while looking after everything else. Keeping the fire lit, looking after the kids, making sure everything's fed, right? As soon as that happens, how how well are you going to do those roles? You're not. That's the truth of it, because you spread too thin. But if men are men, they're protectors, yes, but they're getting shit done around the outside as well, right? Helping out so that when you do something, you do it well, you feel accomplished. If we're not, if men aren't doing those types of things for for women, not even just for women, for themselves and and for the family unit and for our friends and all that sort of stuff, and we're not masculine enough, I'm telling you, shit gets bad.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:36

And this is not you saying that men should work and women should stay at home and pick games.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:41

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Definitely not. I think uh, you know, we talk about independence, I think that's the important part, um, especially after what we talked about at the start of this episode. But I think um it's it's more about having the freedom to be able to do the things that you uh are good at. And men are really good at assessing danger, um, they're good at problem solving, uh, they're very good at uh getting things done, the masculine energy done think twice. This comes down to the biological yes, the testosterone just allows them to go bang, we're doing it, off we go. Don't even think twice. If if I have to think twice, I'm telling you, I'll fail at it. I can guarantee you, or I'll make a mess of it and I'll have to clean it up. Uh the moment that they have to question anything like that, in terms of solving problems and shit like that, uh, it's it never ends up good. And then there's a follow-on effect from that. Now you think about this, right? If in schools we're being told as boys, you're not allowed to be angry, you're actually not allowed to be angry. Do we wonder why that the anger and rage gets turned inwardly and the suicide rates for men go so high? Because where do they go? How do they get that out? They don't because nobody fucking listening to them. And then most of the time, if they do speak, it's heavy. Do you know how many people get scared of that heaviness? Yeah, it's like shit, this is really heavy. I don't know how to manage that. What does a woman do? They go fucking hug them and they get around them. Stop, stop hugging them, let them get it out. You don't have to buy into it, you don't have to be a part of the story, just let them cry. This is the biggest thing that I I I'm about, right? If someone's crying, just let them. It's okay. Let them cry, especially a man. The moment you start hugging them, you're trying to take it away from them. Let it out.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:48

And I think people hug them because they feel uncomfortable and don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:51

That's right. You're doing it for you, not doing it for them. Yeah, you think you are, but there's a a portion of this that is more about you because it's too heavy. Let them be heavy. If men are stuck in their heads, shit goes bad. Bad. And then you know when you're gonna be crying when you're at their funeral because they just fucking killed themselves. Or they pushed themselves too far and they died because they because the illnesses and stuff that come up. It's heavy. I know it's heavy because they've held on to it for too long. I could tell you now, this is the honest truth. There is shit that me and you will never talk about ever. Because I will never say anything to you about it. And there are reasons for that. In men, if I tell you this thing, you're going to get fearful of something, right? And let's just say it was something uh really important to me, that it was only happening to me, and I explained it to you. You're going to get worried about me. So as soon as you worry about me, you're gonna mother me. I don't fucking want that either, right? I can't just say to you what's going on, I can't, without you stepping in to protect me or support me. Yeah, if I needed your support, I'd tell you. Yeah, yeah. But you won't respect it.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:08

So then where does a male, where would you go to have that?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:13

It's a d it's a tricky space. It is because you've been taught not to talk. Uh I think it's difficult. I think that men will do best by not talking about it, personally, unless they come to a counselor where they can be heard without being interrupted. They hate that shit. And women interrupt all the time. They can't help it because they got what they wanted and they want to keep talking about the thing that piqued their interest, instead of allowing the men just to fucking say what they need to say and get it out. Because I'm telling you, it's a bit like this. It's a bit like, you know, you have two men that argue, right? Boom, someone gets punched in the mouth. Ten minutes later, drinking beers together.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:57

Yeah, we we I don't get that. I think most.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:00

It happens so fast, right? And and this is what happens if if I'm standing sitting there with a woman and I'm pouring my heart out to them about this thing that's bothering me, say, uh, that I've held on for a long time because of a man, that's probably what I've done. And then boom, I vomited out. Uh as soon as it's done, if you don't interrupt me and you just let me get it out, 10 minutes later, I'm good. I'm all good. But there's no space for that.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:30

Well, that's the problem. A lot of guys aren't.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:32

No, they can't because they get interrupted. They're being told not to feel that way. That's the honest truth. They're being told not to be that way. And it's okay that they're not. Where things get really shitty is men don't do men things anymore. Not enough of them go camping, not enough of them do man shit, play sports anymore. They don't really get out, get out the rage stuff that they would do back in the day, they used to, right? So go and do. Mansion. You don't have to get all lovey dovey with your mates, right? But it's just getting that energy out. Sport is a really good one for young boys because it allows the rage to come out in an appropriate way. Um, you know, anything physical, anything that's gonna require movement, boys are really good. I work with this one kid, um, autistic kid, and but mild, I would say. They said that he had a ADHD, I don't know. Anyway, so he's got these diagnoses, and I said to the family, the more sport you can do, the better. Now, this kid is playing uh high-level basketball, reasonable level football, uh, and he's just flat out. Now, everything has calmed. Everything because he's getting the rage and energy out in an appropriate way instead of holding it up and then causing trouble at home. Right? So um, yeah, sports are really good one for that, camping's a really good one for that. Giving men time to be men will will change the game. It will change the game for them. Where it gets really shitty is when you have insecurity in your relationship, and then you go out and do the man's thing, you come home, and then your your female partner is shitty because you weren't there, and shitty because you had fun without her, and shitty because she feels like she's doing everything. Yes, uh, and shitty because um you won't tell me everything that you were doing, right? And shitty because I can't control what was going on, and all this sort of stuff.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:44

Just don't talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:46

Yes, yes, you know how shitty you know make fire out. That that pisses me off. That pisses me out. Well, you just don't talk to me. What do you want to talk about? What happened? What would you do today? Uh went to work. What happened at work? Took a 45-minute shit. Um, you know, just just did the work. It's not that interesting. And you're like, but I want to know. I want to know. You know, ever talk to me because I don't even know what it is that I'm talking about. That is a thing that I have to do so I can do the thing when I get home. That's uh I don't give a shit about our work, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:23

So start making some stuff up just to satisfy her.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:25

Legit, you've got to make up stories, and then you've got to be real careful because if you make up stories, I'm just gonna quiz you about the story, and you better not fucking lie because then you're in trouble. So um be a man, stand tall, stand tall, own your space, be respectful, uh, be respectful to the the females around you so that they know that they're safe, and I think things can be different. I think that yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:53

So um when we look at relationships, there is um giving and taking, well, not taking, giving and receiving. Receiving, thank you. No, you you don't you should even use the word taking. Um, and you know it's it's a unit. And how does a masculine energy um navigate that relationship where it's not necessarily man things because you may feel like the masculine energy is doing more feminine energy duties or tasks? How does one navigate that?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:32

How do they do that?

SPEAKER_04 1:09:33

How do they do that without losing their masculine energy or their identity? Because you know, you hear it all the time, you hear and the jokes that come out of it. I'll just give me balls out of me and Mrs. Hambag, you know, and and blokes joke about that shit all the time. Um, because at some point their masculine energy is more phenomenon.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:56

Yeah, I think when it comes to chores and stuff around the house, the fem what we would consider old school consider because society isn't like that now, and households aren't like that now. They're not because you both people have to work. Uh so I I don't see that as feminine energy tasks. Uh it just needs to be done. So do what you gotta do, right? Uh but for some men they would feel that way. I know that if I'm if that that to me is a distraction from the work I've got to do, right? So if I'm doing too much around here, uh whatever it is, could even be just cutting the grass or something like that, and then got to wash clothes or wash dishes or whatever's going on around the house, keep the house tidy. If I'm doing too much of that, everything falls apart for me work-wise. And I've tracked it. And I could tell you every single time I've done that, it's a more of a procrastination thing, and work has fallen apart.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:56

Yeah, that's different because you you work for yourself and you're gonna need a lot of head space in your house.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:01

But where where the energy goes, right? So basically, you know, wherever my uh head is at, energy will flow, right? And so then in what how do I then level that out? Uh generally, I know that when I'm becoming more feminine, I don't want to go to sport anymore. I don't want to do anything like that. I don't want to go, I don't want to leave the house. I can't be bothered. Um I'll get suki. I know I do, I can get suki. So then uh is suki from me, is just nobody's gonna accept that shit from me ever, ever. Nobody's very annoying.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:45

You suki is very annoying.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:46

Yeah, we're yeah. Here's a his is here's one for you, right? Joanne thinks I'm being sucky. Yesterday. Yesterday, I didn't eat, right? Because I literally bounced from one thing to the other. I was sanding and painting at stuff outside, cut the grass, cleaned everything up. Uh, and and by the time I come back in, I think I went outside at about 8.30 or whatever it was, and I think by the time I got h I got back in the house from cleaning up and all that sort of stuff, it could have been about 2:30, 3 o'clock-ish. And I literally had a shower, sat down on the couch, and just sat there for a minute. And what's your problem with you know, do you want something to eat? I'm like, no, no, it's all right. Is it just because you got that there isn't stuff in there that you don't want to eat? Woman, I'm just sitting here, calm down, and then you just keep going about it, about me not wanting to eat. I'm like, listen, you need to start. You need to start. And I literally went, made something to eat to make you happy.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:48

You actually said that. Do I need that make something for you to be happy to shut up?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:51

Yes, and you said, no, it's not like that. Well, guess what happened? I made something to eat for myself, and then you calmed down, right? I was happy to just sit there and zone out. I was done, physically done with all the work I was doing. I was done. I'm not used to doing that shit anymore. And there you are, yapping like a little dog. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:13

No, thanks, mate.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:15

That's okay. Um it's uh it's that was difficult. Uh, but I know that when when I don't want to do the things that are more masculine, I know that I'm getting more feminine. Uh, and so that I kind of I've got no choice. So then um, because Patrick's involved in a lot of the stuff I do anyway, um, and I've got to get in there, so kind of forces me to do it anyway. Then after I feel better, I do. Um, so I don't know. There's got to be time for manshit so that when we come back into our lives, we can own our space. That's my message. Do some manship with your friends, whatever it is, sport, whatever. Respect is a big one. Be mindful of the way we're communicating. You'll know how you're communicating by the way that it is received. If you're paying attention, you'll know you've probably gone too far. Don't control women. Don't. It's pointless. It's pointless exercise, and it's not good for anybody. Don't try and control them. Allow them to live their lives while you support them around the outside, just the same as they do for you.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:24

What if it's too much? What if it's that's all they're doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:28

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:14:30

So they're constantly going out with their friends and they're constantly having time. And I think I'm now struggling, I can't do anything, I feel disconnected, and I'm just pissed off with them all the time because they're not contributing to the family, you know. The the partnership is is more they're just doing whatever they want rather than the give-receive.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:48

Yep. Uh then you're being a little boy, and uh you're not using your respect. And to be honest with you, you're being a dickhead, you're being self-centered, you're being, and and that that one pisses me off in men self-centered.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:05

Well, you you say it as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:06

Fucking annoys the shit out of me. Like, listen to your little boy, you're gonna get a slapping from mommy if you know if I can pull your head in, right? Uh, and then that cry poor, right? Then that cry poor when oh, the wife won't listen to me. The wife just keeps arguing with me, blah, blah, blah. You know what, what'd you do to start that, right? How did you how did you contribute to that? Well, you were never home. You prioritize doing all this other stuff that you you would like to do, and that's okay, you can, but that comes at a cost. So now how do I engage? I like this one, right? If I want to do something, I ask you if I could do it. I know I'm doing it, and I know the answer to the question I'm asking is going to be yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:50

But that's our relationship.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:52

However, no, it's worked in other relationships, I've tested it. So then I ask you, hey, um, do you mind if I go and do this thing? That way you are involved in the decision making, which is what you want, and um, and if there's something I've missed, gives you an opportunity to remind me because I know I will forget. And then it's like, yes, you can do that, but I need this done first. Yeah, sick, I'll go do that. And then off I go and do my thing, right? But it's scheduled. But on top of that, we are engaged in uh a mutual relationship where you're involved in a in the decision making as much as I am, you know. If you ask me, you'll if you say you don't ever say to me, ask me if I can go do a thing. If you're going to do a thing, you'll tell me you're doing a thing, which pisses me off. Um, because I'm mindful of how my stuff is gonna impact you, you are not the other way when it comes to that sort of stuff. You just tell me, I'm going out, my friends, on this day. I'll put it in your calendar. Sure. So now I'm working around your calendar. That's okay. But you don't ever say to me, is this gonna work if I go here on this day? Do you know what I mean? So it's not really reciprocated um in that regard. But that's a conversation you can have if it's annoying you. To me, it it annoys me that you don't ask, but at the same time, I um I champion you getting your ass out of the house to go hang out with your friends. So it's one of those things that I I wear.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:24

Yeah, go catch up with your friends. Cool. Is that a date? And it's like, but you haven't told me. Yeah, yes, yeah. But I I never do it as a you know, I'm doing it tomorrow, I'm doing it. No, no, it's planned. It's plans.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:34

It's planned. You're okay, you're good, man. You're good. I'm not having a D. Because you are, I'm not having a D, but either way. Um, so that's it in a nutshell. Okay, we're going well over time. But um being a man is a very complicated space. People think it's not, telling you it is, and we get lost in it. That's the truth.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:56

Okay. Um, yeah, maybe we'll do goals next time.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:01

Cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:02

All good?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:03

All good.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:04

Was that helpful?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:05

It is, it is helpful, and I think it's really helpful to to know. And you I mean, you just you just look I know there's lots of men's health and um um avenues for men to reach out because men don't talk. I mean, I think the suicide rates of men is higher than than female um suicide rates.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:24

Look at the programs though.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:25

I I know, but my point is I I know there's been so many people that I know that it's it's such a surprise. It came from nowhere. We had no idea they were suffering. And it comes back to your point that they just they just don't talk about it. Yeah, they've been told not to talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:41

Their whole life.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:42

But it's really important that there's help and space out there and women don't be the ones that try and push them because they're not going to open up to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:50

Yeah. And we can't that the programs are that you're talking about essentially sitting there saying, Oh, it's okay, let's talk about your feelings. No, let's just go feel your feelings and let them discharge. I think um that when growing up, there was a thing a saying they used to be said by the the old people around us. There used to be little boys should be seen and not heard. That's legit.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:16

Well, those little boys become men and they still are not heard.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:20

Shit. So anyway, um, yeah, that's that's well, I could go and weap out that shit for ages. Yep. Um, but uh I think we should cap it. Yep. I'm not trying to offend anybody here when we talk about this stuff, but this is the raw honest truth based on what I see in this office. Um, and we will talk about the the feminine energy too in the next episode, um, just so we can level it out so we can see the the difference in perspectives because there are massive differences in perspectives. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:51

Okay, fantastic. Thanks.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:53

Thank you guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:55

Uh reach out.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:56

Reach out if you need it. Lives bumps and bruises dot com.au No, that's not true. It's lifespumpsbruises at gmail.com. I can't even get it right. Yep. You fried my brain like an ink. All right. Um, see when I'm looking at you.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:13

See when I'm looking at you.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:14

All right, take care, guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:15

Bye