Why Do Men Think Women Are Nuts?

In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Luke and Joanne discuss Why Do Men Think Women Are Nuts? Women and men are so different and see life through different lenses. Joanne and Luke discuss the differences between the two and where communication can breakdown. 

In the Unpack That segment, Luke and Joanne discuss how partners can give presents for birthdays that are also significant steps forward in the relationship. 

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into: 

• Understanding different ways women and men communicate
• Strategies on how to understand and appreciate the opposite gender
• Knowing the signs that women and men show that things are not going well 

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🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s open up about the challenges we all face, one real chat at a time.
 
 

Credits:
 
The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon
 
Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)
 
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
 
Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/
 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Life's full of bumps and bruises. I'm Luke Lee Tet, counsellor and life coach, joined by Joanne Lee Tet, mum and HR professional living what seems to be a never-ending roller coaster.

SPEAKER_02 0:17

Each week we discuss strategies to navigate the bumpy road of life.

SPEAKER_00 0:22

With practical approaches to difficult life moments, we bring real life options to the challenges everyday people face.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

Welcome to Life's Bumps and Bruises.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

We're glad you're here. Joe, how are you?

SPEAKER_03 0:47

I'm alright. How are you doing?

unknown 0:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

All right.

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Oh yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

I filled in a little bit with baseball yesterday and I was bad. Everything I tell the kids to do, I just didn't do it.

SPEAKER_04 1:03

We'll kick the ball and then when I pick it up, I don't even look where to throw in.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Didn't even hit my foot.

SPEAKER_04 1:09

It was very comical. It was so funny. And I can't help but giving you shit. And all the parents sit there laughing. And then one of the parents go, I don't know how you two are still married.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Yeah. Seriously, like my home crowd were against me, man. Like they're just giving it to me.

SPEAKER_04 1:24

Oh, I like the fly ball. There was a fly ball that was like just behind third base, and everyone's laughing because it's like you you ran in circles, and then short soft just come over. It's like Dan, yeah, it yours. And so you just kind of just walk out of the way. Good job, Luki.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

No, no, no. I didn't run around in circles.

SPEAKER_04 1:39

That's what it looked like.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

There was no running. There was no running involved.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

You shuffled in circles.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah, a little bit. Um yeah, I uh the ball went up. I'm like, I probably should get that. Um, yeah, no. Down your tools, man.

SPEAKER_04 1:56

Oh, look, it was a better effort than what Master's was a few years ago. Where that you and Timbo just kind of looked at each other and goes, yours, no yours, no yours, and then it just landed in between you both.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

No, no, I walked away. I completely walked off the field. It's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 2:11

It's not bad. It's been worse. But anyway, so yeah, so you're a bit sore.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Yeah, yeah, a little bit sore. Um he hit a ball, a half decent shot.

SPEAKER_04 2:19

Well, it was actually a good shot.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

And then I'm right.

SPEAKER_04 2:21

They shouldn't let you feel, just batten.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Yeah, they they pick up the ball. They're like, play two, play two, you run into two. I'm like, nope, no chance. There's no chance, boys. I'm not running anywhere.

SPEAKER_04 2:31

And the funniest bits after that was like there was about six pass balls, and Luke's still standing on first base, not even running. And by the end, we're all throwing shit at you, and the catchers just laughing.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Yeah, can't help it.

SPEAKER_04 2:43

You cost them a run, man. You cost them a game, they lost by one run.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

You cost anybody the game.

SPEAKER_04 2:48

You did because you could have scored on six pass balls. Come on, Luke.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

There's no way I'm scoring on a pass ball.

SPEAKER_04 2:54

Back then, because there was a hit. There was a hit in the end, you could have scored on it, and then you got stuck on third.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Do you seriously believe I'm gonna make it to the next base at this point in time? No chance.

SPEAKER_04 3:03

You're turn it up. You gotta tell the coach not to play you. Oh, you are the coach.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

I I do tell the I do tell me myself all the time, don't play. You're shit. Yep, you're shit. Anyway, uh so uh thank you for joining us after Joanne's just given it to me about how shit I am now. Um uh yeah, last week what did we talk about? We talked about disconnecting from your partner, yeah. And that was um that was an interesting topic. Like I said, we could have talked heaps more about that. Uh, there's so many different um aspects to why we disconnect. We used our own experience to um illustrate it a little bit, which is different um to everybody else, I'm assuming. But uh it is what it is.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

Yeah, and we uh I got some feedback. Um, and it's funny because it's usually the same person week to week that gives feedback and he's like, Are you living in my marriage? And it's like, wow, you should just write our topics for us and we'll talk whatever you want. Um, but it's it's it re-reaffirmed to him that it it's normal, it does actually happen in relationships, and it doesn't actually mean it's a big deal.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

So yeah, what does happen? Life life gets in the way, and we all get pretty busy.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

And yeah, well, running after kids might be hard.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

It is, it is running after our own dreams too at the same time. It's really difficult.

SPEAKER_04 4:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:27

Um, yeah. And so today, what are we talking about today, Joe?

SPEAKER_04 4:31

Uh, today's copy, uh today's topic is um why do men think women are nuts?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

This would be an interesting topic. Yeah, I feel like I'm gonna get into trouble.

SPEAKER_04 4:42

Yeah, you might sink outside. Um, but yeah, let's keep it real.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

So yeah, okay. Uh so um, yeah, thanks to everybody for listening and giving some feedback. I know we've had a I've had a couple of people reach out as well. It was good. It was good to have conversations around um how they're feeling just um not good that they're feeling disconnected from their partner, but having that conversation is good. Um so hopefully we got something out of it. Uh Joe, you gonna unpack that for us?

SPEAKER_04 5:09

I do I do have an unpack that and it's funny because it's something that um you did years and years and years ago. That I did. Yeah, yeah, something that you did because it's kind of stupid. Um but it the reason why it's coming up now, and I thought, you know, obviously we're doing this podcast now, we went to do it years ago, um, is because my sister had a very similar experience. I'm like, oh, that's interesting. Luke did that, and she's like, Oh, I've been speaking to my friends, and their partners do the same fucking thing, and it pisses us all off. So um, so for my example, is when we got engaged many, many, many moves ago, you decided to pop the question on my birthday, and the engagement ring became my birthday present. So no, you no, yes, yes, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Organized people to come around for your birthday.

SPEAKER_04 5:57

Oh fuck, there was no gift, the gift was uh engagement ring, and so um my sister's example was it was her birthday and Mother's Day, they coincide, and her husband decided to use a gift voucher that they got for their wedding to have a weekend away as her present. And she's like, This isn't a present, it was a gift voucher that was given to both of us. And so she was really shitty, and I had to talk her through it. And then people at her work were all saying the same thing with husbands providing gifts on birthdays and stuff that aren't really gifts. There's something that had already been arranged, or was a voucher that was provided to both of them, or um, a voucher that they might have got for Christmas for their partner, and then they've just organized it to have on their birthday so they didn't have to buy another present. So what the Falc for starters, right?

SPEAKER_00 6:53

I didn't use a gift voucher to buy that ring.

SPEAKER_04 6:55

No, you didn't. And you could have done it on another day. Look, it was sweet, didn't it on my birthday? But where's the birthday present, man?

SPEAKER_00 7:02

You got fit. No, we I was just spontaneous. It's like uh today's just a day. Literally, I bought it that day. Uh I think I think we finished a job, got some cash.

SPEAKER_04 7:18

It's all about defending yourself, Lou.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

I'm not explaining what happened. And then I was just like, nah, fuck it. I'm gonna go buy one. I'm gonna buy a ring that's it, it's done. This is what I'm doing. And uh, I didn't give a shit that it was your birthday. Didn't even think about that at the time. I knew it was your birthday before you opened your mouth. But uh, I it was like I was thinking, you know what? Um it wasn't to kill two birds with one stone, it was just like, oh, this is just what I want to do, so I did it. Uh why do men do those sorts of things? I don't know, things just sort of come to a head, I reckon.

SPEAKER_04 7:55

Do you reckon it's because they actually forget? And then it's like, oh fuck, it's a birthday today, what have I got? I don't want to get in trouble. Probably for a lot of the time you don't even remember when it's your birthday. So, Joey, when's my birthday again?

SPEAKER_00 8:09

I don't know. I think we we just get uh focused on other things, and then uh like like if we didn't have a family calendar, I'll forget half the stuff we're doing as a family. I'll that's the honest truth, because I'm just too focused on getting other things done, and for uh for a lot of men that's the same thing, you know, they can they're so busy and focused on uh uh achieving things, um, and do you know what? That's just that's kind of where we're at.

SPEAKER_04 8:40

So can I ask you, why do you think it's an issue for the female?

SPEAKER_00 8:44

Why do I think it's an issue? Yeah, do you really want me to go there? Yeah, I do all right, diplomatically.

SPEAKER_04 8:51

Why do you think because you want to because you all think women are nuts?

SPEAKER_00 8:56

Like you want to feel special that this is a thing that you have had forethought in to give to me if I was a woman, giving to me um because you thought about it and you wanted to make me feel special or whatever, right? Whatever going on, and I can appreciate that. I do. I think that men are uh they're not here's the problem, right? You can't compare the way a female thinks about things and the way a man thinks about things. You can't. You can't, but you do, and then you're expecting us to do to do things the way women would do it. I I'm sorry, it's not gonna happen. It's not. I know that you want it, but it's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_04 9:39

So most men know that someone's gonna or their partner's gonna crack a shit. Because not look, it's not all females.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

I don't think that I don't think they don't why I don't think they think that they're that you're gonna crack the shits. I don't think they think at all. Like it's just like oh the forethought in the thing that I got you was because it's practical, it's logical, right? Like old mate, going and using a a um you know, voucher to go buy something or holiday, whatever it was, it was logical. I've got it here, yeah, we'll use it. It's perfect time to use it, right? Is it the right thing from that perspective? Maybe not, I don't know. But uh I I think it was just practical, it was practicality.

SPEAKER_04 10:22

So, and and the way I say that is, you know, if you're using a voucher to go away, yeah, okay, you needed to use it because uh you sometimes those things have a clock on it. Um, and so I'm I'm assuming his thinking is the clock is almost up because they've been married two years, most vouchers are for two years. But um, you know, if it just went that extra step and then did something while you're away, maybe that would have that would have kind of then oh, he's actually then put some thought into the gift.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

There's no way, there's no way your sister's thinking like that. The fact that he used the the voucher is enough for her to crack it, to be fair, right? And it's not just because it's your sister, it's just you you know, female partners in general would be that way, right? Because we didn't choose, you chose for me, and I don't like it when you choose for me. I want to have freedom of choice. Yeah, okay, cool, fair enough. But in his mind, I think I haven't spoken to him about it, but in for him, I would imagine it was just practicality. Yeah, it's logical, yeah, it's not uh emotional, and that's what you want. You want to feel emotionally connected, emotionally like you matter.

SPEAKER_04 11:29

So, some advice moving forward is making sure you remember these dates so you've got some forethought into what you're buying. The family calendar is a good thing, and key dates of when things are coming up.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

Right, you get a family calendar, you still gotta look at it.

SPEAKER_04 11:42

Still got to look at it. You do put an alert on, come on, don't be like Eric Borman in the fucking 70s show where you turn up and you go to the gas station and buy a funnel for your mum. That just doesn't work. So, you know, some some prepping some thought into it would be nice. Um, I'm off the thinking, I'm off the thought that I'd rather not get anything if it's just an afterthought.

SPEAKER_00 12:02

Um what makes you think that it's an afterthought?

SPEAKER_04 12:04

Because some of the shit that you would buy, and I'm not saying you, like in that lucky I'll buy anything. Well, I know, because most of the time you don't fucking remember, but I know, I know where we know where we're at, so we're all good. But like when I use that 70 show example where they go to the gas station and buy a whole heap of useless crap because I'd better buy her something or she's gonna crack it. And then the end result is her cracking it more because the shit that you bought is fucking useless and you bought something for the hell of buying something. Um, you know, just be honest. Haven't been able to get you something, but I've planned to go out for dinner on this date.

SPEAKER_00 12:40

That would presuppose that they planned.

SPEAKER_04 12:43

You don't have to have it booked yet, but it's all you bullshit your way through it.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

So now it's okay to bullshit.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

No, because you remember now you remember the date. You remember, okay. It's your birthday today, haven't been able to organize it because we've both been busy. But let's go out for dinner next week. We'll organise a sitter or whatever it is. You're still giving me the option, oh well, great, let's go out for dinner, but that day doesn't work for me. Let's pick a different day.

SPEAKER_00 13:05

Fair enough, but still that's uh not gonna fly.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

Why?

SPEAKER_00 13:10

There's no way that's gonna fly.

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Why?

SPEAKER_00 13:12

For most partners, that's not gonna you saying that the woman's okay, the female is okay with the husband lying about that.

SPEAKER_04 13:23

But lying, as long as you actually follow through and fucking go have a dinner.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Yeah, but we all know that life gets in the way, and so then it won't get booked.

SPEAKER_04 13:33

Well, then just fucking do it, or don't say nothing. Or don't say nothing.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Or just buy something. Yeah, okay, fair enough. But uh let's just say in most circumstances, sometimes there's nothing to buy.

SPEAKER_04 13:48

Sometimes there is nothing to buy.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

And yeah, we could go out for dinner. Cool. Uh, but is that always going to be practical? No. No. So I I don't know if there's a there's a right or wrong answer there, personally. Um, and if we look at it from male-female perspective, uh you guys are in general, in most cases, uh, the female partner in a relationship is the organizer of everything. That's why we don't know. We don't organize nothing. We organize ourselves to get our ass to work and get our ass home to do whatever it is that we have to do for our family. That's it. We don't think about the the the the what's called the anniversaries, the birthdays, the significant dates. We just some for most of us, we forget.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

Yeah. And for those that do and those that remember, ladies, hang on to that, man. You're useless. I mean, the problem is the problem is with my birthday. My birthday's always wear away at nationals or doing something. And you have no idea. You don't, you hardly ever remember. I'm like if I get a happy birthday by five or six o'clock in the afternoon.

SPEAKER_00 15:02

That's not even true.

SPEAKER_04 15:03

Oh, yeah. Well, this year I got a cake from the other coach on the diamond.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Did you? Oh, you did too. Can I see? You did too. I was there.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

I remember.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

I helped organize it.

SPEAKER_04 15:16

Did not. Anyway. So.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Anyway. So I'm not sure if I really answered that or unpacked that really well.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

But I just heard you are speaking.

SPEAKER_00 15:25

Yes, I I just think that uh yeah, if we look at it from male-female perspective, most men are not in the organizing game. They just go and do the thing that they have to do. Um, that's all they're thinking about. And I don't think that for the most part, you would want a man, like a real man, to be thinking about the 50,000 other things that are happening external from what they have to get done. Because if they did, the thing they have to get done will be shit.

SPEAKER_04 15:56

And it's also important to think of don't take it personally. It's not like they've forgotten you. It's it's not that, you know, it's not that they've forgotten.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

There's a difference between there's a difference between forgetting and um and gotten busy and forgotten, I think.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

Because forgetting you and also it doesn't mean that you're not important.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

Yeah, that's right. I mean, it's a forgetting you, it's different. Forgetting you because I'm living the life of my dreams, whatever, that that'd be different, as opposed to I got caught up in all the other stuff that I had to do for the functionality of our family and financial, whatever it is that they're work-wise, whatever it is they've got to do, if that happened, that's different, I think. I don't know how you feel about that, but I think that's different.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

No, no, I'm I'm pretty much on the same page there. But if you're also then buying something like something big to propose, you should also get a birthday present because you know it's their birthday. Ethan, could it be really small? It could be flowers with the ring. Do you not get flowers? Oh fuck, I can't remember. Yeah, see? I don't think you did. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Yeah, I yeah, I think I did.

SPEAKER_04 17:10

Yeah, and then what was the slogan with it? I'm proposing to you in your favorite part of the house.

SPEAKER_00 17:15

The kitchen.

SPEAKER_04 17:15

Yeah, fuck off, John.

SPEAKER_03 17:20

I should have known. Should have known. I was just making light heart of a bit rewarding light above your head and everything.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

I just made light heart of a serious situation.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Yeah, it's been going on for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

All right, all right, so moving right along. Our topic today.

SPEAKER_04 17:37

Why do men think women are nuts?

SPEAKER_00 17:41

Why do you think that men think you're nuts?

SPEAKER_04 17:44

Pretty much everything.

SPEAKER_00 17:46

What's everything? Look at all the shit you just said, anyway. Go, go, here we go.

SPEAKER_04 17:51

What what do you I think it comes down to you you don't actually most men don't understand. I mean, you've obviously done a lot of um education to understand what happens behind. Um, and most men don't understand what we're coming from. It's like, you know, when you're we jump from topic to topic, um, we um don't always say what's actually on our mind and think that we're having a conversation, you should know what's on my mind. Yeah, yeah. Um that comes across that we're just nuts. Um, and there's been lots of men that have said that.

SPEAKER_00 18:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:23

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

What you still haven't asked a question. But anyway, I think um Yeah, the question was in the title. Yeah, okay. All right. So I think for the most part, we have to understand the difference between men and women in general. You are a lot more emotional, emotionally connected, not emotional, like hysterical, but emotionally connected.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

Yes. You are gonna be both, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:52

When you think about uh you were talking before about a friend that you were speaking with, and you're telling me this story around it all. We won't go into the story, but we're telling me the story around it all, and the parts that were very highlighted were the emotional connection you had to the thing that they were talking about. So uh the drama of it all, not necessarily are you dramatic, but the drama of the story. Guys attach to that stuff all the time. For the men, they could sit there in silence and be completely comfortable. You all can't do that. No, so uh, I think that that is one area that needs to be looked at. What is the difference? You know, you won't sit still, why not? That could be personal to you, but how many women don't? Like, especially mums, I'm talking about sitting still's a luxury, yes. That's the way you see it, but is that the truth? No, right? Uh where men try their best to do that. That's why we take half our shits. It's the only time no one can it bother us. Because for one, you aren't gonna come into that smell, and two, two, it's like uh I'll just leave him alone. That's good that we we're happy with that, right? We will create our own silence, and I think uh most times women can't do that. The other thing is too, think about this if you are a little bit more emotionally connected as a female, for the most part you are you're using emotional language with men that aren't emotionally connected, then you're talking a different language. That's where things kind of get misunderstood. The other part is this bit that drives me insane. Oh, so bad. I'll be telling a story to old mate over here.

SPEAKER_04 20:44

Hang on, you've got lots of old mates.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

You oh me, you, Joanne old mates. Okay, I'll be saying, I'll be telling her about what's going on. She'll have asked me, no, what happened today? No, what are you being what are you doing today? Whatever. So then I'll tell her. And she thinks that it's like okay to just interrupt. Interrupt completely.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

I have a question.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

No, for the most times you don't have a question, you've got your version of what you want to tack on to the story. So, like, I'll tell you, I'll tell you what's going on, and then you're like, wait, that's not right, they should be blah blah blah blah, or this should have happened. You haven't even heard the rest of the story yet, and you're already jumping to conclusions, you just stop. Oh, it drives me insane. So then you know what I do, I just go quiet. And how many times and I'm I'm really curious to know about uh the other couples out here that listen to this. How many times has your man gone quiet on you and you haven't heard the end of the story because it didn't say it and everybody just moved on as if it didn't get said. As if it sorry, as if it got said. Happens here a lot. A lot.

SPEAKER_03 21:55

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

I reckon multiple times a week. I won't even think. My story. I deliberately don't say it anymore.

SPEAKER_04 22:03

Can you just get to the point? I don't have time to hear your grandma's stories.

SPEAKER_00 22:06

See what I mean? But that that's the thing, right? They're not grandma's stories, man. They're my stories. And on top of that, um, where's the I want to say respect, but I don't know if where's the appreciation? The appreciation in listening to what your man's saying, even though you asked me, I'm quite happy not to tell you. I'm quite happy just to keep going as if I never said nothing. That nothing happened. I did nothing all day. Just let's just hey, yeah, Dallas just told hear your story. But then I listen to yours, right? Sometimes it's like, oh my God, does this end? This is like a never-ending story over here. Like the other day, yes, not 100%. The other day you got home from work. I think it was one of the, I think it might have been the only day we were home after work. When nothing else was going on, no meetings or anything like that, and no trainings, nothing. At York in, I'm sitting at the table, you stuff offing around the kitchen and getting ready for dinner, I'm pretty sure. And you stopped doing what you were doing for dinner, standing on the other end of the bench, and then you started telling me a story about what happened at work today. But the problem was you told me the story, and that led to another one, then that led to another one. Five different stories you got out without taking a breath, and I'm sitting there going, oh my fucking god, how does this woman live? Why is it does it end? I'm scratching my head and my phone, oh my god, oh my god. And so I'm like, just be respectful, Luke.

SPEAKER_03 23:55

You might have told us now haven't spoken to anybody all day.

SPEAKER_00 23:58

Legit. Legit. I mean, you H A, you talk to everybody all the time. So it's like, aren't you tired? I'm tired just listening to your story.

SPEAKER_04 24:07

But maybe I'm telling you how I really feel because at work, you you kind of have to put the filter over and bite your tongue.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

No, but you didn't talk about how you felt. You were telling me the very specific things that happened throughout the story. Like, you know, I felt like I had to fart and I didn't. So then it built up and me and I had to go to the tour, and then I went, you know, outcome.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Like you tell the thing related to you guys the tour like fucking yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:33

You you you you tell this very specific every little detail, and then because your mouth is moving faster than your brake can keep up, you forget this. Oh, wait, wait, wait, I'll come back to that bit, and then you go back to the story at another point. And I'm like, I don't even know where we're at now. Where's the timeline? Shit.

SPEAKER_04 24:55

So in that part, you thought I was nuts in that part there.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

I was thinking I was nuts.

SPEAKER_04 25:05

You fucking you start googling fucking homes. Yeah, at what age do they take people into a home? Shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

I'm gonna call it, yeah. I'm gonna have to call my fucking GP. I need a mental health referral. I'm fucked here. I got no idea. I have don't ask me to tell you what happened. I got no idea. I've got no idea either. I didn't even remember that. You were telling the story and you kept going back. Oh wait, I forgot this bit. Oh wait, I'll come back to that. And I'm like, where did this start? What what part are we? Are we in the middle? Where fuck where's the end, please? I was just looking for the end. When when's the end? Is there a door here? I just want to walk through it. We could be over. Um, and then I got up. I think I need to I need to go to the bathroom. I need to get water, I need to do something. Whatever it was.

SPEAKER_04 25:55

So you went to pretend to go take a shit.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

No, I went to go and do something. Maybe it was for Amelia. I went to go do it, and you saw me get up, but that didn't stop nothing. And I'm kind of walking away, edging away, and you're still yapping about this story, and then the story ends. But you didn't, and then you told another story, even though you could say I was walking away. And I'm like, oh fuck, I have to stand here now. So now I'm at a different point now. I'm like kind of in the dark, kind of in the light, and I'm standing there. I'm like, oh my gosh, he's still going. I wonder if I could sneak away. And then you you turned your back, quickly ran and grabbed whatever it was I needed. They come back, and I just stood there. And you by that stage you hadn't recognized that I left, and you turned around and you kept going. Didn't even know I was gone.

SPEAKER_04 26:48

I think we're gonna have to move on from these podcasts because you know, you too many people are gonna learn about me and how crazy I am.

SPEAKER_00 26:54

I wonder how many times that happens in other relationships, to be honest. I don't think you're crazy, I just think that uh you're just very special. Yeah, you're pretty. Yeah, in that part there, it's like, oh, I don't know. I don't know, man. You maybe you are a little nuts, or maybe you're holding on to a lot of stuff, and I'm trying my best to pay to pay attention and keep up. I'm not, I'm not, I'm gone.

SPEAKER_04 27:28

Yeah, I actually think that bit happens quite a lot.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

I'm gone.

SPEAKER_04 27:31

Especially with some of the stories women will come out with, and especially if they're around siblings or their family, and they're all a little cray cray, um, or if you're not used to big families and like you coming into my family, like I mean, you have big families, but you didn't have siblings. Um, so coming around my siblings were like, how do you who how do you know who's talking and who's listening?

SPEAKER_00 27:56

And you know what I do think I think this, right? I think that women can be very um uh what's the word? Uh they can be nasty.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

Oh, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 28:08

I remember when because when you were talking about that then it just reminded me of this thing when whenever I would stay at your place, your mom and dad's house, uh obviously sleeping in a different room because that were the rules, right? So sleeping in a different room, but in the room that I was sleeping in, it it kind of the kitchen overlooks it.

SPEAKER_06 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

And your sister used to be a baker, so she'd get up at a ridiculous hour in the morning, and she'd be having a breakfast, whatever, and that was okay. But then when she's packing up her breakfast dishes and stuff, she would deliberately make a noise and look at me, right? And I'm like, this bitch, she's deliberately trying to wake me up at three o'clock in the morning.

SPEAKER_06 28:45

Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

SPEAKER_00 28:47

Like, oh, this guy. And I'm looking at her like, all right, Susan, I'll see you in the morning. Yeah, it was uh anyway.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

Um just testing.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Yeah, 100% testing. Isn't that what women do though?

SPEAKER_04 29:01

Hmm. They test a lot, absolutely, especially early on, yeah. Yeah, just you're worth it, they're gonna stick around. Same with the same with friends, you know, or even just to test where the where the barriers are. I mean, and even when you look at it, like I I don't understand men like you you can get into an argument with somebody and punch them and get into a full embral, and then you'll go have a beer together. And it's like, what the fuck? I mean, for a girl, that person is swiped for life, you know. Um, and you'll never get past that.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:34

But a guy that had a beer and they're best mates again, and it's like, what the hell I I don't understand it.

SPEAKER_00 29:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:42

See, I think men are nuts.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

In that respect, I can appreciate why.

SPEAKER_04 29:46

Uh but yeah, females can't hop, can't let go of shit, and that's nuts in a in a way.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

And it's I I think the difficult part for men to understand is then who you draw into that because then you draw a whole heap of people into that story, like mainly females, other females that are listening to your story, and then they attach the emotional part of the drama of it all, and then you draw them in, and then they kind of feel trapped between each other.

SPEAKER_04 30:11

Yeah. I mean, you know, a few podcasts ago we talked about, you know, the feeling of being in high school and being trapped in high school, and you spoke about, you know, um, the reasons why, and it's not actually your stuff, it's their stuff. But that's where the feeling of, you know, especially men or teenage boys get that image of girls being fucking cray cray from another planet because that's what they see. Yeah, and nothing really changes.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

Not really. I think when you when uh when you all get together, it it it can be pretty funny to watch from the outside. Like if I'm if I'm if I'm around and there's a whole you know you and some of your friends get together or whatever, and you guys are clucking away, like talking and laughing and carrying on, whatever. I need to make sure that I'm stay out of eyesight. Because if I'm in eyesight, then I'll become the butt of every single joke you'll make.

SPEAKER_04 31:08

You're the butt of every single joke on a fucking Saturday, especially when you try and play.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

I don't try and play. Anyway, um and and so uh in that respect to try and stay away. But watching you guys all laughing and joking carrying on, it's like um it's like everybody just sitting there waiting for their turn to speak, and then they'll interrupt, and then somebody will not finish what they have to say. So you guys do it to each other as well. You don't just do it to men, you do it to each other.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

Oh, it's not much worse for family.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Oh god, you guys are so bad. You can move on so fast. Yeah, it's happening so far, and it's it's like blokes get together, and they might be standing around drinking and whatever, and yahooing, and everybody's got a bigger story than the other, and sometimes the stories get embellished a little bit more, they get bigger and better and whatever, right? But there's the for the most part, they're always the same stories, yeah. Girls, it's a different story each time, and you guys are like in competition, and and then if we give you a little bit of alcohol, for you it's coffee, right? But if you give you a little bit of alcohol, then the conversation gets real loud. Oh, so loud. We were in Canberra uh December last year for a tournament, and Amelia was really crooked and she was almost everywhere. Um, and I went and caught up with you were with her during the night, um, because you went to watch games during the day from memory, and then I went and caught up with a couple of the parents and stuff, and inside this room was only a little cabin.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

Yeah, you get the fun times, I get the shit times.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

The three, good on you. There was three dudes in there, right? Me and my cousin and and one of my best mates. And there was maybe four or five ladies in there, right? Mums, and they were so loud, far I couldn't hear. I'm sitting next to Timbo, my cousin, and he's talking to me. Uh, cousin, I can't hear you. I can't hear you. Because the more fun that they were having, the louder they got. Yeah. Like ridiculously loud to the point you couldn't hear. And I became butt of a joke a few times. Um, but uh so easy with hearing. It was it was just interesting how how different it is and how loud it got.

SPEAKER_04 33:42

And then and you just observing that it it kind of comes back to the topic that you can see why men think women are nuts.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

Yeah, man. Yeah, it was like the in that instance, because I was so loud, one of the one of the ladies in there said something to me, and she tried to say it, she or she had to say it at the top of her lungs, and the way it came across was like she was trying to fight me. And I'm like, yo, shut the fuck up. I remember saying it to her, and she's like, I didn't mean it that way. I just know that you nobody would have hurt me. And I'm like, Yeah, all right, sorry, sorry. I just I was in sensory overload, and and yeah, it was the only way she could get it across. But um, that was tough, that was tough times, and I think that for the most part. Men do think you're a little nuts.

SPEAKER_04 34:40

So what is it? What what is it in particular? What do men have to understand about women?

SPEAKER_00 34:46

What the men have to understand about women?

SPEAKER_04 34:48

Yeah, I mean, we're different, we know we're different, and there's different chemicals and all of that bullshit running through. What's something that a man could take away of understanding why someone or what is they're perceived as being nuts and it's actually not?

SPEAKER_00 35:01

Sometimes you just need to listen. Just need to listen.

SPEAKER_06 35:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:05

Let uh I want to say let them burn off the energy, but I don't mean it like that. I mean like uh just let them finish the story. They they are very uh for the most part, women are very um particular in their stories, they tell you every single detail. Yep, it's so detailed, yeah. And they're detailed towards you too. So if you're not living up to expectations, they'll tell you every single detail of the expectation in which you're not living up to.

SPEAKER_04 35:34

And also in that, and I'm gonna pivot just a tiny bit, if a woman is at home with baby on Matt Leaf, that's a very different conversation. No, no, but when a man comes home, they're gonna talk your fucking ear off because there's nobody else.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

Yeah, that you're the next adult.

SPEAKER_04 35:49

Yeah, the next adult. Yes. So, you know, them talking your ear off in those two different scenarios, it's the same. It's the same from a man's approach, just sit there and listen. Yeah, they're not nuts, it's the they need to get what they have in it out.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

Well, the same thing happens for uh stay-at-home dads.

SPEAKER_04 36:08

Um and it happens more and more because people work from home now, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

And so then you know, it's f it you vice versa. But uh, I think that's also too the difference between uh feminine and masculine roles. Um I I also think that um if if a man isn't living up to the safety expectations for a female, or um uh maybe not living up to the financial um expectations of a female in a family, the female will feel like she has to assume both roles. So then they they end up um uh disconnecting from their femininity and they move into masculinity. So then they become very uh bossy, very, very bossy. Uh for most men, they'll they'll would label that as nagging.

SPEAKER_03 37:08

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Um I think that uh when that happens, there are telltale signs as that's happening, it's not always communication, and I think that that part there is where things break down.

SPEAKER_06 37:20

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

But if we the physical stuff is really important, um periods get thrown out because cycle gets thrown out because they're um disconnected from femininity and they're moving into masculinity. Masculine energies don't have periods, right? So then they get thrown out. That's legit. Um uh then you you see um if it's happening for a very prolonged period of time, women bulk up. I'm not talking fat, I'm talking strength, muscle, yes. Um we also would probably see them um dominate, become domineering in the relationship. Uh it's not equal anymore. Okay, it'll be domineering because they feel like they have to. They shout a lot, they would probably um uh what's it called? Um, emasculate men. And because they can emasculate the man at home, yeah, they'll emasculate men around them. Um, that would be one thing I would see. If we flip that, we say, okay, um, the male moving into femininity, um, and you have it, whether you like it or not, we have both, masculine or femininity. Um, I would say things we would see is that the man would become a little bit more emotional. Yep. Um, needy would probably be something you would see a lot. Needy, needing contact, needing um connection, needing um it'd be one thing that I would say a lot of women would talk about in this case would be when when a man's moving into femininity, uh, you would hear female partners talk about how they feel like their uh husband is a child.

SPEAKER_03 39:14

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

And I feel like I'm mothering my child uh another child. That that is something that comes up quite regularly. Because we can move into a little bit boyish instead of man anymore. Um confidence drops. Um, but the one because that's happening, one thing that drops heaps is sex drive. Okay. Drops significantly.

SPEAKER_01 39:37

Test of testosterone for their sex drive.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

What's that?

SPEAKER_01 39:40

Because testosterone is needed for their sex drive.

SPEAKER_00 39:42

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So um if you're seeing those things physically um happening, can tell you now that the roles are reversed in terms of uh energy. The male might have stepped into femininity, and you'll tell that you'll be able to tell this through the conversations they have with you too. Yeah. Um uh but they'll be crabby. So both people, whether it be female or male, if they move into the opposite um energy. So if you're female moving into masculinity or um male moving into femininity, both sides will be crabby because you've moved away from your um core self. Yep. And then identity gets thrown in.

SPEAKER_04 40:27

And your partner can't understand or doesn't understand and thinks you're a bit cray cray.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

Yes. Yes. Like, well, where where is my husband gone? Where is my wife gone? Where's the love gone? It's gone because we're we're heading in two different directions energetically. Yep. And nobody has ever has been able to pick it and gone, oh, okay, I can see what's happening here, right? And then asking questions around that, having discussions around that. It's gone. They don't do it. I also think that nobody's really ever been shown how to have a conversation like that before.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

No, but I don't think most people understand what it actually is.

SPEAKER_00 41:05

Well, you can uh just sort of outlined a little bit of it. There's a lot more to it.

SPEAKER_04 41:10

Um because most people just see it as that's what I have to do. And then it's got to keep going.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

And it's not always about what you have to do, it's more about who you have to be. Who am I being is important here, not what am I doing, because it will align. But what I do may not align with who I am, and that's a whole nother issue. Identity gone. So then uh we we spoke about, I think we spoke about this a little bit um last week, where I said to you, if I had to do all the feminine, what we would call feminine work in the 1950s type shit, right? We're cleaning around a house and doing all that sort of stuff. If I had to do that, I can tell you now I will not be productive of work. Guarantee you that. I I won't be able to, and I know this about me personally. I don't go and get it, I'll let it unfold. And that doesn't work for me. I need to go and get stuff, I need to go out there and um drive things for things to work for me. If I don't and I allow things to unfold, you don't unfold. It just unfolds. Actually, nothing happens.

SPEAKER_06 42:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

So um, so that's just one aspect of me personally. But then when I talk to most blokes, they're very similar. And I think that that's the difference, is you've got to understand them. If you don't understand them, it's not just about understanding your partner, it's also about understanding what they're, I guess, predisposed to be.

SPEAKER_03 42:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

And then the societal norms around it all, and what we've all sort of um been taught from our parents. Um yeah, I think that's that always plays a role.

SPEAKER_04 42:53

So coming back to the topic, there's all different levels of what is deemed from a man's point of view as cray cray and what is normal.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

You won't hear a man use the word cray cray.

SPEAKER_04 43:03

No, you won't.

SPEAKER_00 43:04

Um just saying.

SPEAKER_04 43:06

So, you know, just that understanding of females are different. They are different. And it takes, you know, it takes a while just for a man to understand a female. Because that's their bio their chemistry is just different.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

But they don't have to look differently. But how do you understand? You have to listen.

SPEAKER_04 43:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:23

But you've got to listen with your whole body. Right? You can't just listen with your ears.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

Yeah. But as things change for that person in their life, what is coming out is also different. So seeing when things are different, heightened or not heightened or whatever is happening for them. Yeah, you doesn't actually mean that they're, you know, that you don't no longer understand them. Just understanding where they're coming from.

SPEAKER_00 43:48

I don't like this one. I hate this one. What's going on? Is everything okay? I'm fine.

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:55

I hate that one.

SPEAKER_03 43:56

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

That gives me a shit. And so then what I do. And I do this to you. I'm fine. What does fine mean? I don't care. I'm not letting you go. I won't let you go. I don't want to talk about too bad.

SPEAKER_04 44:10

Yeah, I mean, we brought up around the episode with you, your kids in school about, you know, then coming home from school and saying, How was your day? Good. And that gives you the shits. Goes for the same when your partner asks you that question and you get that response.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Yep. And if from a man, it's like I'm all right. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm alright. They can sense that something's not alright.

SPEAKER_04 44:28

Yeah. Your whole energy around you is not alright. You're picking up on it. And you know, and they've got now got a fucking 50-foot buffer to walk around you because I don't want to fucking stand on a landline.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

That's right. That's right. And then for for the most part, they're going to trip over and land on one.

SPEAKER_06 44:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

Which is not good. Yep. So best um get rid of the eggshells completely. And I would say for men, this is what I would say. Tell them what's happening. And then um, but you have to do it like this way, you have to, because it'll piss you off if you don't. You have to say to them, I'm gonna tell you, but you need to listen, don't need your advice, I just need to spit it. Don't need to write me, right? And this will take practice, and she's gonna fail, just like men will fail in the other way. Um but you have to explain to them that this is what you need so that that way you can spit it, and then at the end, this is the other important bit. I'm gonna work through it though. It's okay, right?

SPEAKER_04 45:32

Um, because I mean that's not as easy as it sounds at all.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

No, it's not. Um but uh the next bit pisses men off. Where then you check in 50,000 times in a 24-hour period. Right? Let it go. Just let you let him work it out. Men are men are predominantly problem solvers. That's all they think about is how do I solve the next problem? I don't think about anything else. Where for a female, right? If it if a female comes to a man and says something, what do you want to hear?

SPEAKER_04 46:07

I have no idea. Uh is this a trick question?

SPEAKER_00 46:11

No. Legit question. What do you want?

SPEAKER_04 46:14

Depends on what I'm asking.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

You got a problem, and I said we're talking about the eggshells, right? And I say to you, what's going on? Is everything okay? What do you want to hear? What do you want to be able to do?

SPEAKER_04 46:25

Oh, I want to be able to hear that it's okay, we can work at it, or it's we'll work it out.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Um why say fine?

SPEAKER_04 46:34

Because I don't want an argument.

SPEAKER_00 46:36

What makes you think there's going to be?

SPEAKER_04 46:38

Or it's I'm saying fine, so the venomous poison that's built up in me doesn't spew out and we end up in an argument. Because it's not always what you're saying, it's how you're saying it.

unknown 46:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:51

And that's the bit that it's like I'm not in this place where I can actually talk about this.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Why don't you just say that?

SPEAKER_04 46:56

Well, that's a very good point.

SPEAKER_00 46:58

So fine is so ambiguous.

SPEAKER_02 47:00

Yeah, it is. It is.

SPEAKER_00 47:02

To just say where you're at. I can't talk about this right now. Yeah. For for for the men, they're gonna think they're in trouble.

SPEAKER_04 47:12

Sometimes it's actually got nothing to do with them.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

I know, yeah, I know. But I think if you if you're a deliberate around what you're saying, you could say, say something like what you just said. It's got nothing to do with you. I'm just I just not ready to talk about it right now. But I will be soon. Just give me some time. Yeah, it's that where it's like, okay, cool. Oh, she's not angry with me.

SPEAKER_06 47:33

Sick.

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Right? Because it's a fight I can't have. Yeah. I can't fight with you, I can't argue with you.

SPEAKER_04 47:43

Because I'm not in your head. I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 47:47

Though that's for sure. And for the most part, if you can't talk about it, then you don't know what's going on either. Um, and the other part is say we do get in an argument, I'm going to be louder than you because I'm gonna be angry. And that part there is never respected by a woman because they feel like that anger is making them feel unsafe.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

They're attacking me now.

SPEAKER_00 48:09

Yes, because understand this you're attacking me too. That's how I feel.

SPEAKER_03 48:15

Right?

SPEAKER_00 48:15

So if I feel like you're attacking me, that's what I do. As a man, that's what we do.

SPEAKER_04 48:20

I'm not attacking you. I'm just annoyed, you're not listening to me.

SPEAKER_00 48:24

You get what I mean? Like, and then if we do it the other way around, the full emasculation that women do in those moments is just next level. And then they get shitty that men yell at you. What the hell do you want me to do? I can't play this game with you, I don't do that game. The twisting of emotional stuff. I yeah, most men can't play that game. They so then they play the game that they know that they would do with a man, right? Not whether we're gonna hit you.

SPEAKER_04 48:55

I was gonna say, I'm gonna hit you and then let's go have a beer.

SPEAKER_00 48:58

Yeah, yeah. I'll just talk you knock you around a couple bit, love, and we'll just get out, right?

SPEAKER_04 49:03

We're gonna have a beer.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

Yeah, where's the dairy's at? We're good.

SPEAKER_04 49:06

And this is all very generic. This is not everybody, it's not everyone, it's not every man.

SPEAKER_00 49:10

No, but uh yeah, so but the the tension's gonna go up. The noise that that comes out of my mouth is gonna go higher. And uh unfortunately for most men, that's just where they're at. It's the only emotion that they really feel, but they're not allowed to feel it. So, like anger, when we talk about anger, most men are being told they're not allowed to be angry. Well, fuck you. Obviously, I can be angry. I'm a human being, but uh, you know who's saying that? Men are women. Women are saying to men, you can't be angry. Because it comes across as aggressive, yes, and then men are saying to women that uh uh you're too emotional, right? And and and that's that whole idea that you're saying about I think we both think we're nuts. I don't think it's just men thinking that women are nuts, I think it's both, and uh the control factor in that is fucked. So, yes, you are allowed to be emotional, and I'm allowed to be angry.

SPEAKER_04 50:09

That's what you do with it, yes.

SPEAKER_00 50:11

Yeah, are you responsible with your anger? Are you responsible with your emotional stuff? If you're not, then see you next Tuesday. Yeah, you know what I mean? Legit.

SPEAKER_04 50:24

Yeah. This is I mean, I look at us. I mean, we we we have a lot of laughs and a lot of jokes, and um, we know where we're at. And it is about having fun, and there's some real shit in there. Yes, um, but it's also working through what is actually really happening. And I see what a lot of people look at us and go, what the fuck's going on with you two? How? How are you like this? And I think it's just being comfortable with where you're at. I don't know what other people's relationships are, and I wouldn't judge them on their relationships, but it's also, you know, um, the glass windows. Yeah, don't throw stones. Don't throw stones. Um, but you know, the very generic. Why do men think women are nuts, even though we are where we are in our relationship and we can have a good time. There's certainly parts where you think I am nuts.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

You know, where where things change is just like this. When I don't let you get off, not get off, but you you get around when I don't let you get away for it right. So this is what I meant. You're always allowed to get off. But anyway, the idea here is that when you give me the your the bullshit response of I'm fine, that type of response, which you don't normally, but you use it, you know, because over years you haven't allowed me to.

SPEAKER_04 51:44

I've tried.

SPEAKER_00 51:45

No, no, no, but you still do, you still do try. Um, and then I say no, we need to work through this, and then I ask you questions. And I guess it's different because of my background, but and I just listen, I ask you questions and I listen. And then, and then by the time we get towards solution part, you've already found your own solution because then you go, Well, I could see where things got fucked up there. And then I'll say, Yes, this is how we go about it. What do you think about this? Or or I'll ask another question around, or I'll give you my opinion on how I felt it went, and then I'll go, how do we come together? Right. And and if I don't do that, it will not be resolved because you'll carry it. And that shows a level of safety from you, we eat for with me, where you won't well, where you won't run away. If you run away, I'm telling you, I'm gonna follow you. Yeah, I'll be creep shit. I'm following you, you ain't run away nowhere.

SPEAKER_04 52:52

Gotta do a having on the way.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

We are going to sort this out.

SPEAKER_04 52:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

For the benefit of the energy in our house.

SPEAKER_04 52:59

Yeah, but that's where we're at. And not everyone's at that point.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

Well, I hope you can be.

SPEAKER_04 53:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:04

What's a maturity inside a relationship?

SPEAKER_04 53:08

But and it's also recognizing that your partner, you know, it's it's okay to give them space. You don't need to try and fix it or talk about it, or no, they just need the space.

SPEAKER_00 53:19

Yeah, but if I don't, if I don't burst that bubble, you will carry it.

SPEAKER_04 53:24

Yeah, but that's me.

SPEAKER_00 53:26

Yeah. It's a lot of women. You that they carry it and it stacks. Then in 24 hours, you might feel okay, and you just move on. But you don't ever forget.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

No.

SPEAKER_00 53:43

And then it stacks, and then it stacks, and then it comes out all at once, and then we're getting punished for shit that got done two years ago that was really a nothing thing from our perspective, that you're still bringing up now. Dad, that can't happen. That can't happen. That's not fair on anyone. Why do you do that? You just women in general.

SPEAKER_03 54:10

It's not all women.

SPEAKER_00 54:11

Fuck off, it's not. Most women. Okay, most women. Why do most women do that?

SPEAKER_04 54:20

Well, allow things to stack and stack and stack and stack, and then it's an explosion. Yes. Because they don't know how to talk about it, they don't know where to start. And um it's, you know, if if they get the enough courage to talk about it, they're also worried about what response they're going to get. So it could be they don't feel secure in their relationship to talk about it, or they're worried about the response they're going to get. Um, it I think it all comes back to safety.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

How do you create that?

SPEAKER_04 54:48

Well, you need to bloody talk, you need to understand the person. You know, so yeah, it's a bloody cycle, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 54:53

But it starts on the small things, right? So you can't ask a man to create safety for you if we don't know what safety you need. Right? Safety, your safety is your concern, not mine. Physical safety, I got your back. Yeah. Emotional safety, that's yours. You sort it out. And then if you want help with that, we can talk our way through that over the small things, because the small things, the micro things, impact the macro, right? So if it's something tiny that you need to talk about, start there.

SPEAKER_04 55:25

Yeah, I think that's where you talk about from a testing point of view, like what you said earlier. We're always testing.

SPEAKER_00 55:30

Um do you when do you pass?

SPEAKER_04 55:34

Well, no, early in a relationship, there's lots of testing to make sure that you do have my back. The safety is there to open up. Because if I'm not testing that, I've got no idea if you do or you don't.

SPEAKER_00 55:44

Which is normal.

SPEAKER_04 55:45

Yeah, which is normal. So that that is something that is there. And the and I don't know, I don't I don't think I'm testing you anymore, have I?

SPEAKER_00 55:54

I don't know. I don't think I've tested you in a long time. Actually, you do.

SPEAKER_01 55:58

Do I?

SPEAKER_00 55:59

Yeah, you do. Uh I feel as though you do. Um, in different things, it'll be more financial stuff because we're so different in that aspect. Um, so polar opposite, I would say, in that uh I think that in that you you believe we have a money tree. That's what you think, I think. But um uh I think you test in that way, which uh leads me to feel like um you feel as though I'm not gonna be able to get something done, right? And that could be all mine, but uh I think it's a 50-50 thing. Yeah. Um, because I think that you think that. Uh, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_04 56:48

So, how does one get past that? So obviously, you've given an example of of you and how you feel in our relationship. We've been dead for a real long time, but there's others that that's how they feel. How can you get past that? How do you show that security that it's not actually there? I'm not attesting you.

SPEAKER_00 57:05

Like I said to you, I feel as though that's 50-50. It may not be, right? Well, for me, in that instance, I've got to take care of my 50. That's mine, that's not yours.

SPEAKER_04 57:15

So it's not always your partner, it's not your fault.

SPEAKER_00 57:17

Yeah, it's how I feel. So am I gonna take care of my feeling around that? If I'm not, it's not your fault.

SPEAKER_04 57:23

And that's what that's the thing. A lot of people don't even recognize that there's there's 50 and they don't take care of it because they don't recognize it.

SPEAKER_00 57:29

It's always here's the thing, right? When whenever we talk about feelings, and a lot of the time we talk, you know, we talk conflict resolutions, they're always talking about yeah, this is how I feel, right? So rather than saying you made me or you did, right? Understand this nobody is responsible for your feelings apart from you. Nobody can make you feel anything. You make yourself feel that based on the meaning you assign to stuff. That is part of the human experience, and that's okay, right? But I can't say to you, you need to be responsible for how I feel. Because you didn't make me feel that way, I made me feel that way. And I think that gets misunderstood. You something happens, or an argument, or whatever, right? You made me feel like shit. Nope. I made me feel like shit. Yeah, why do I feel like shit? That is the important part. Why do I feel that way? Because you said X, Y, and Z.

SPEAKER_04 58:35

Yeah, and I snapped at you, and I used a shitty tone, and yep, I did all of those things.

SPEAKER_00 58:40

Yes, she did, but what was the message? Yes, you were upset with how she said the thing, or are you upset with the message? I'll tell you now, for the most part, the tone and the way you said things is way more powerful than the thing you actually said, um, because it triggers the part of the brain that is safety oriented. Um, and that's okay. Now, in my experience, I'll tell you about this is that in my experience, when you use a tone that's really loud with me, it triggers the shit out of me.

SPEAKER_03 59:13

Oh, well, I'm fucked.

SPEAKER_00 59:14

Bad. Like real bad. Because of the amount of yelling that would have happened in my life experience. Um, and I'm not the only person who has that issue. Um, some people have if you touch me while you are like anything, like you touch me on a shoulder or touch me on a hand or whatever, you touch me when you're angry, right? That triggers me.

SPEAKER_04 59:34

That's in flight mode. Flight mode. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 59:36

Have to, have to. This is just an automatic thing. Yep. Um, and we can work with that. But at the same time, it's like, now, are you responsible for that? No, I am responsible for how I feel about that. It's not your fault. You didn't do it to me. You didn't create this experience for me. It's really hard to manage. So hard to manage. And you know, when it's time that someone's managing that because they go into a defensive mode, some people withdraw, some people use uh attack to defend. So then they'll hurt you with what they say. Yeah, you know what I mean? Real fork tongue to get it to stop.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:17

And you hear arguments, they can get really nasty just so I can hurt you.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:20

Bad. Yeah, bad. So just keep that in mind. We could talk about this for hours, but um, keep all that stuff in mind. If you want something, say it. Nobody can read your mind. It's good luck. If you can find someone that can read your mind, awesome, but you'll hate it. Yeah, you you'd hate it because then there'd be no secrets, right? Yeah, everyone's got secrets and it's okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:46

Yeah, well, I've all got onions, all got layers. You don't need to peel everyone back.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:51

True. So uh keep that in mind. Now, that's all we got for that one because we could go on for hours. We can, and we are an hour in.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:00

Okay, let's wrap it up.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:02

So thank you for that.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:03

Let's have a toolbox, just go over.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

I think we've gone through a toolbox anyway, when you think about some of the things we just discussed.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:10

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:11

How'd you go with your goals this week? What's your goal again?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:15

Um, something about oh, lunch boxes.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:18

Lunch boxes, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:21

Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, no, I have not prepared my lunch this week. Um, but like you said, I mean, and you're right, why would you need to prepare lunch if you get discounted meals at work? And it's like, yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:30

Discounted hot meals at work.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:34

Yes, and they're good meals.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

And they actually are at your good meals.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:38

They're good meals. So um, so yeah, no, I come to the realization I don't actually have to, it's the breakfast is the part problem, not not lunch.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:44

I said now it's breakfast.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:45

It's breakfast is the problem.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:46

That's how it keeps changing.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:47

I guess.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:48

So goal this week is to get breakfast organized.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:53

Okay, well, your goal.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:55

What about my goal?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:56

What was my goal again?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:58

Uh, time for you. What's the time for you?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:59

Oh, time for me, yeah. There that went out the window. It felt like last week.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:05

Well, you did all the school drop-offs and pickups last week.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:07

Yeah, yeah, and that threw things out, but uh um, it did throw things out. But it what really got thrown out was you get home and you go to do something, and then there's an email or a phone call.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:22

Yeah, you get lots of phone calls.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:23

Yeah, too much.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:24

That's why I hardly ever talk to you when I get home from work, which is why I do get a moment. I'm at you with my five stories in a row.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:31

Yeah, you should latch on, mate. Um it's uh yes, that that was kind of the week. It was kind of like it was a really weird week. Things would just come in, things would um then I'd get snippets of breaks, and then I can tell you now there were moments where I procrastinated in those little breaks. Um, and then I'm procrastinating. So now I'm kicking my own ass because I'm procrastinating. Oh, come on, Luke, your shit. Get the fuck moving. All right, cool. I'm gonna go do that. Sit down, start clicking away, go getting things moving. Then phone rings, doorbell rings, something's happened. And it's like, fuck, just couldn't get on a roll last week.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:11

You I'm gonna make a suggestion. You should get up when I get up because I leave the house before you.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:15

Because you do I do get up when you get up.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:17

No, you don't. We're usually out of the house before you even get out of bed, or sometimes you're in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

Turn it up, get up at the same time. Getting in a shower when you walk out of our bedroom, or whatever. Don't even start. Don't no, not even.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:29

Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:30

Not even.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:31

What's an achievement?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:33

For me this week. This week coming.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:36

No, achievement for last week.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:39

What was my achievement?

SPEAKER_04 1:03:40

Yeah.

unknown 1:03:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:41

Something you achieved. Anything that I achieved. Something you achieved.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:46

I'm like, I'm thinking, I'm getting a fist here. What the fuck? I thought I was just talking about that.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:49

Are you listening to me? Fucking hell.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:52

Listen here. Anyway, so um, what is an achievement? I think um coaching wise, there were some pretty cool things happened. Um, but some things that look like I don't want to go into them, but there were some things that look like that were kicks in the guts, but were actually blessings.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:22

I know. That's a good way of looking at it.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:24

That's fucking, it was awesome. Like there was something that happened here, it's like that that, you know, for the most part, I was talking to a mate about it today that looks like a kick in the guts. And I'm like, nah, man, actually, it's freeing. Um, so that was that was good. That was awesome. Yeah. Actually had nothing to do with me, it's just other people doing their thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:47

No, it's not.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:48

You kind of worked out on it.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:49

Well, um, Patrick had work experience last week.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:51

That's right.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:52

He had a I think he had a great week. And I remember last week we're talking on like, you know, I hope people nobody knows that he's mine. And it was for his own experience. Not that I don't think they want, yeah. Anyway, well, what I learned on Monday morning was the the person organizing the work experience who I work with, she told all the managers that he was mine. So there it goes, that that plan was completely out the window. Um, the managers were sending me some really lovely feedback of him and he's worth epic and he's just a beautiful boy. And like, but we know this. I mean, he can be a real shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:22

You don't treat him that way.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:23

We know he can be a real shit. And I talk nobody honestly think he's actually a really good kid. He is a good kid. He's not that bad. I take this terrible picture of him. He's actually a really, really good kid. He's actually got a really big heart, and he'll do anything for anybody. And um, the feedback that I got from managers has that they reached out to me. Um, and you know, my my achievement is we have raised a good child. I already knew that, but seeing that Amelia, though. Amelia is just like you, so they're fucked. I asked her, did you miss me this week? You didn't miss me picking you up. No, I want dad. I don't need you.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:10

You know what's really I'm with her.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:12

I've done everything.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

You know what's really messed up about that is that then you take that on me. You'll take that out on me.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:18

Because she comes out with stupid jokes all because of you. You know anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:21

I'll tell you the one story about that. Is we're finished with a client here in here one day, and the they come out and we're talking to the client's dad around some of the things that the the uh the client needs to do and move it forward. And we know them, so they'll be in in the house anyway. And uh and um I was explaining to the daddy about the emotional impact of some things, and there's Amelia at the back, six years old, sitting at the back, emotional damage, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:53

And everyone cracks up laughing because she said it was perfectly it was on target, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:59

It's like what child six-year-old, no more YouTube.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:03

That's it. Anyway, anyway, uh that is our week. What's the week look like this week for you?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:11

I do not know. I haven't put any thought into it.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:14

Yeah, I feel the same.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:16

I don't know. I bet I was at one site all week last week because obviously Patrick's um work experience. I told the site so that I wasn't I wasn't gonna go backwards and forwards, it was too too hard. Um, and so those sites kind of expect me to be there. So I think I've got to do some makeup.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:31

Cool.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:31

So anyway, I'm gonna get my car service tomorrow. A little bit concerned on how much it's gonna cost, but anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:37

Thanks for reminding me you're getting your car service tomorrow. Yeah, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:40

Yeah, it's the 90,000 K. So you know that point is like tires, brakes, everything. Ouch. Anyway, that's gonna be fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:50

Anywho, oh well. Thank you guys for listening to this uh episode. Um, I'm sure we talked your ears off for way too long, but uh really appreciate it. Please, um, if you got any issues that have come up for you while we're talking through any of these episodes, reach out lifesbumpsbruises at gmail.com or hit us up on the social media and we can um push you in the right direction.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:14

Yep. And if anyone wants a topic, rather than me coming up with things, happy send them through.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:20

Please send them topics. We want to get we want to talk about the things you want to hear about, right? So um please send send us through any topic at all. Just send us a bit DM us, whatever. So anyway, thank you so much, Joe. Thank you. Appreciate it.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:35

Um thanks for sticking with us.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:36

Thank you. All right, what do you normally say? See when I'm looking at you.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:41

That's the one I'm gonna say I'm gonna look at me. Anyway.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:45

All right.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:46

Have a good week.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:47

Take care, guys.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:48

Bye.