Episode 4 – More Than a Job: Redefining Identity

🧠 Who are you when you’re not what you do?

In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Luke Lee Tet shares his journey from representing Australia in softball to stepping away from the sport and starting fresh in counselling and life coaching — and the messy, liberating process of figuring out who he is beyond the game.

Joel Sheldon brings curiosity (and a few well-placed digs) as the two explore how our sense of self can get tangled up in work, achievement, and other people’s expectations.

From the fear of “starting over” to the surprising freedom of letting go, this conversation is about rediscovering your worth without the business card, and why your value isn’t measured in KPIs or LinkedIn endorsements.

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into:

• Navigating career transitions and identity shifts
• Untangling self-worth from job performance• Finding confidence when you’re in unfamiliar territory
• Honest chats, personal stories, and a few laughs along the way

💬 Got thoughts or want to share your own story? We’d love to hear from you. Reach out anytime:

📬lifesbumpsbruises@gmail.com

📲Instagram: @lifesbumpsandbruises

📘Facebook: Life’s Bumps and Bruises

🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s normalise the conversation, one real chat at a time.

Credits:

The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon

Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:43

Welcome back to episode I'm gonna guess four. Is it five? Five. Five of we'll cut this out. Welcome back to episode five of Life's Bumps and Bruises. I am Joel Shelling, joined again on the couch by Luke Lettet. Hey, what's happening? The weather's picking up, so that's nice. The weather is picking up, it's great. In a t-shirt, which is good. Um how's your week been?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

It's been busy. Been very busy.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Wood busy, but busy. You know, every time we do this show, Luke, and I feel myself, you told the listeners a few episodes back that I was in a rebuild phase, and we've started a mental health podcast where effectively I'm one of the subjects and you are the professional, and I feel myself getting better and better and stronger and more capable and using a lot of techniques that you've taught me, like that's interesting. And now, you know, we spoke last week about you know value and perfectionism. Now I feel somewhat a bit of a fraud because I'm like, we're only four episodes in and I think I'm good. But I'm sure you I'm sure you'll see it all unwind at some point.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

But um it's always uh always fine found it counterintuitive to talk about your mental health issues, right? But you think about it, the more you talk about them, the less power they have on you. Why does that work? I don't know. I think it's more about um instead of just listening to the same voice over and over again, which is yours, yeah, right, then we're we're able to get it out off our chest, play around with the uh different um different approaches, different opinions on how you can manage them from other people. Obviously we would keep that circle very small, uh, but it's uh it's a good it's a good process, um which essentially is counselling, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:33

Yeah, I think um what you touched on about having a small circle is so important and you mentioned it in a previous episode where if you want drama, go to this person, if you want um I can't remember exactly what you said, but if you want people to challenge you and give you perspective, go to this person. How important is finding the right person to help move the needle the right way with your mental health versus I don't know, always just listening to yourself or always just going to someone who you can bitch about but you don't learn anything or you don't like can you expand on that?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Well if we depends what you want. Do you want more drama? Right? And there are parts of us that yes, we do, we're only human, right? We we we want drama, that's why we watch drama TV, right? But uh, do you want to be a part of drama TV? You know, I think that it's important to understand that. I like that um you know we we find partners that challenge us in different ways. I think that that's important. Uh if we just stay with the same types of people over and over again, will we ever grow? And I don't know if that's true, I don't reckon we will. I reckon it's if if you look at your friendship groups, right? They change all the time.

SPEAKER_03 3:48

100%.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

You know, it's like uh there's a cycle, seven to ten years, I reckon. Um I'm sure there's been studies done around that, right? Yeah, yeah. Uh but uh seven to ten years we we uh shift away from different people. You see this a lot when you come out of high school. And with young people that I work with, uh saw saw this all the time. I keep saying to them, I know that you don't have the um the insight of future because you haven't experienced future is still happening for you, but you'll finish school, those friends that you don't really like to connect with, they'll move on because you guys will be heading in different directions. And I think that the cycle creates that different direction. So where are we going now? Who are we going to become now? Um and I found that true in every single time the cycles come around. Uh friendship group used to be really big, really big. Yeah, yeah. Uh oh, I can't even tell you how many people we had in our engagement party by comparison to how many of those people are still in our lives. And I think that uh our engagement party would have sat around four or five hundred people, legit, and I don't know, I reckon I could count on maybe maybe two hands, maybe a little bit more, as to how many people we're still connected to. That doesn't mean that anything happened. It just meant that we moved in a different direction and so did they. Um, so I don't know. I think that um recognising the cycles is important.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

It's um it's so funny you mentioned that because as you're talking about engagement parties, it brought me back to my wedding. I hope I get this right, but I think I got married in 2017. I think I know that's when we went to America on our honeymoon, so I assume that was the same year. Well, it could have been later in the year. No, no, it's 2017, confident of that. Um, there were two people in my wedding party that I no longer talk to anymore, including my best man. Now, I think that's probably a good thing. I think I probably outgrew them, and for reasons that we don't need to get into, like there was a relationship breakup of sorts at the time, but I I'm much in a much better place now for probably not having those people, and they are people that are in my wedding photos, and that's only 2017, and we're in 2025, it's not that long ago. And then the other thing, which I think is really interesting, especially playing sport, you would see this. But I've got seasonal friends as well where I'm really close to a bunch of guys from the cricket club. But if I'm being really honest, I'll see them for what, six months of the year, seven months tops if you include pre-season and whatever else, and then not talk to them in the off-season until summer rolls around and go again, and then in the off-season, which is now caught winter, autumn, whatever, it's more well, who do you chat to at the golf club? And you talk about your circle. My circle of my close friends would probably be four or five. I've got a couple of best mates, I've got a neighbor I'm close to, I've got a girlfriend I've known since I was five or four, um, and you know, a a very small handful of other people that I would talk to regularly in group chats and WhatsApp messages. So I think that's really relevant. I think it's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 6:59

Yeah, well, each person we run into and we have relationships with friendships, you know, they add to who we are. But we are different people in different circles, which is okay. I think there's a lot of people that actually think that um you know we should be the same all the way around. I don't know if that's true because if we did and we were the same person with every single circle we had, um, would we still be friends with those types of people? Yeah, I don't know if they would accept that part, because that's not why we are friends. And each person that we have friendship with or relationship with, uh, they help mould and shape who we are in terms of identity and a whole bunch of different things. So um I think there's lessons to be learned from each person if you're open to listening, if you're open to accepting what it is that they're giving you and how they are shaping you. Um yeah, I don't know. I'm not a big fan of being the same person in every single uh situation.

SPEAKER_03 7:58

Yeah, yeah, you're big on that, aren't you? There's obviously there's obviously something underneath there that you probably don't want to talk about, but I feel like there are certainly people that must see you in some circles, and I'm guessing it's sport and I'm guessing it's softball. Again, if this this doesn't need to go to air if you don't want, but is there a perception of you of being a thing around and tied to a sport that you're not happy with? I know that's digging into your life, but I'm curious.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Yeah, no, I reckon um if I had to be honest, I reckon that uh most people at uh softball would see me as overly aggressive. I can see that. Hundred percent. Very intimidating, you're a big bloke, yeah. That's okay if that's the way you want to see me. Uh-huh. Um without knowing anything about me, that's okay. But what I show them is that. Yep. And so um it's not just them, it's me, really, it's me. Um, but also to my presence would give that vibe anyway. So I can't win either way, but uh the way I behave and the way I portray myself at the ballpark is purely about winning. Who do I need to um to uh I don't know, encourage or or uh you know give them energy to win. Um because that's really what I'm there for now. I don't play anything.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

That's what I was gonna say. Is that your role in the team? Is your role like high performance? Well, I don't care what you think about me as a person, my job is to get this desired outcome, and that's what I'm gonna do. And if things fall apart because of that, or you and I don't get along, or we butt heads, or there's some swear words, then so be it. The aim is not for us to be friends, it's for us to win.

SPEAKER_00 9:41

Also, too, you have to understand that uh sport is where a lot of people get rage out. Alright. So uh I don't know. I think that um my advice would always be don't take what you see in a high high intense environment as that is who we're talking to, that that's the only thing that is about them. Um if that's the only way you engage with them, that's okay. You can have that opinion, right? But um, like I got friends in the game, obviously, that see the other side of me because they cared enough too, right? And uh and I value those people, that's why they're still in my life. But the others, I really couldn't care less. Like if that's the way they feel that way, and can't see that for seven innings, two hours, nine innings, two hours, whatever it is that we're on a ballpark for, um, and you can't see that that's what um that's their ver that's Luke's version of trying to win, or that's Luke's version of trying to um encourage his team to get over the line or to get the best out of his players, whatever it is, and then see that after that two hours or that seven-ings, nine's, whatever we played, that it's different because I'm having a chat with you as a person, yeah, yeah, then that's your problem too. Yeah, it's not just mine.

SPEAKER_03 11:04

I agree with that. There's you as a person, there's you as a sports person. You know that I'm a cricket coach, we've touched on that in previous episodes, and I told you that I would shudder at what some people would think about me, or certainly in my earlier days, and probably not as much now as I get close to 40, but what they would think about me as a person from who I am in the cricket field is not who I am off it. And I've always said, and I use this as a coaching philosophy, the amount of risk you take is relative to the game situation. And if I'm in the field, then and they are getting closer and closer to a win, and depending on the stakes of the game, if it's round three, it's a bit different versus a semi-final, but I'm going to increase my appetite for danger, and if that involves sledging or getting under your skin or picking a fight or whatever, that is a genuine tactic that I know that I can employ that can potentially help us get closer to winning the game. And in that moment, my goal is to try to win, and I don't care what happens, and you know, not bordering on cheating, but getting pretty fucking close to what is seen as fair and reasonable and in the spirit of cricket, if you want because cricket's obviously my sport if you want to use it like that, and and I'm cool with that because my job is to win the game or get as close to as I can for my team, and I don't care what the downside is and what you guys think about me as an opposition. Um, but yeah, after the game, it's like that bloke was an arsehole, and it's like I'm not that guy, like you know, like I was an arsehole in that moment, but not that guy. Are we cool with that? Because and I you only see that as you get older, where you go, Yeah, this we is on the field, this wee is off the field. But I can see how when you're younger, you just go, well, that guy's just generally an arsehole, you can't distinguish between the two.

SPEAKER_00 12:41

That's real. Yeah, yeah, it is. The other thing too when it when it comes to it is uh for me, I will always put when we're on a ballpark, I'll always put my team first. 100%. I will always back them, even when they're wrong, and me and them will have a chat if they are after. But on a ballpark, you will not know. I'm I'm got them I got their backs 150%. There's no turning around, I'm in, right? Um, and there have been times when some of our players have probably stepped over the line, but I don't care, right? Um so that's one thing. The other thing is that um uh sport is gonna bring that part of you out always. Like, I don't care. And there there are so many people that say, Oh um this is what I really find funny that there'd be people out there that's like but I'm the same on the ballpark as I'm off the as I am off the field. Then you're not a competitor, and you're not winning, yeah. That's probably why, and that's maybe why you're the players that you have are looking to play somewhere else because then getting they're not getting what they need. So I don't know, personally, um each to their own, you will look at it the way you want to look at it, but uh um and that's what I was talking about before on a I think I did in a different podcast about environments, you know, like the environment that I'm in um sometimes brings out that part in me. When I'm out in a ballpark and I've got a uniform on, I was taught to kill.

SPEAKER_03 14:18

Yeah. I think that's something you and I share in common. Obviously, we're very different builds and play different sports, but at its core, we're just competitors, mate. We we like winning and we like being able to influence the outcome of the chosen sport that we are playing, and I think that's okay. Yeah. Um, should we get into the first segment? Let's do it, both. Let's do it. So, everyone's favorite segment, let's get into Unpack That, where I pose a story or scenario or a moment for Luke to break down. Uh, this week, Luke, I want to talk about personal identity. So we touched on it last week, where I really struggle with answering the question at the moment. So, what do you do for work or what do you do? Um, and you know, in a world where we're often told who to be by whether it's family or society or work or social media, you know, many people never stop to ask who I really am. And identity is often tangled up with our roles. You know, I'm a dad or I'm a coach or I'm a counsellor, I'm a provider, or I'm you know, the main breadwinner, um, and our past and our pain. And, you know, what are those roles look like when they shift and crumble, sort of what's left. So um, this is a chance for you, Luke, uh, to help listeners explore, I guess, the fluid and evolving nature of identity and how self-worth doesn't need to be tied to perfection status or performance. I'm interested for you to unpack that a little bit. Yeah. Okay. So over to you, pro.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

Fuck Ed. Yeah. Something like that. Um, so uh when I nobody really gets to know people, they always put identity into uh the thing that you do rather than who you are. Uh when we um when I look at this from a sporting perspective, which is just easy for me to put together, is that uh when when I tell our players, especially when they're playing for Victoria um or higher, I said when you put this uniform on, who are you going to be? Right? It's not about what you do on the field, it's about how you're presenting, how you're showing up for you. Um who is that gonna be? And they're really good conversations that generally happen with our players when we have that conversation. Um but I think that just because you do a thing doesn't mean that that's who you are. Right? And your personal identity is shouldn't be tied up completely into that. There is a part of it that should, for sure. But I I I don't know, I think we're much more than that. You know, identity, who am I, what do I value in myself? Um, not values in terms of what do I value in things that I do and the people that I connect with, but the value in self is really important to understand. How do I value me? How am I valuing me in this moment? How am I valuing myself in the things that I engage in? Right? And they're not the things that I just do, they're things that I engage in because I choose to. Right, like work. Right. Most people feel like they don't have a choice. You absolutely do, right? You've got a choice too, right? You you're choosing at the moment. So um what am I choosing? And is this in the best interest for me? Is this the thing that I value the most? And it's okay. You're allowed to. That doesn't make you selfish. We only be being taught to be to not be selfish, especially here in Australia, to put yourself last. The thing that um on my way here today, I was thinking about this a little bit, and I thought there was a big push in the life coaching world, I think it might have started at, where everything was about what I give to others. And I think the one message that was probably misconstrued a little bit was that you can only give what you have, right? And that part nobody ever talks about. In the life coaching world, they talk about it all the time, but it's not the thing that gets retained.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

You have said this this quote just came back to me. You have said to me on the days when I was really battling, you said, I want you to give 100%, and I said, I can't, and you said, nah. He goes, if you've only got 20% to give, I want you to give 100% of 20%, and then my mind turned into a pretzel. But I get what you were giving. Whatever you've got to give in that time, just give a hundred percent of that. Is that sort of what you're getting at?

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Yeah, a little bit, but also to um if I don't have 20 bucks, I can't lend you 20 bucks. Right. If I don't have a certain level of respect for myself, I will generally give you less respect. Right? If I don't uh value the love that's inside me, I can't give to a level that other people would want.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

That actually makes so much sense. Is that uh yeah, no, this is a long bow to draw, but I guess that's why if people grow up in a household where their parents got separated or divorced, they're much more likely to then lead to separation or divorce themselves because you spoke about monkey see, monkey do. Is it kind of if that's what you've the environment you've been brought up in, then you're more likely to be exposed to that and therefore see that as something you might do?

SPEAKER_00 19:24

There's a lot more to that than that, I think. Yeah, yeah. Uh that's that's a huge conversation, that one. Okay, but I would say uh there probably is an element of that where self-sabotage comes in. Uh and responsibility, I think if I am responsible to myself, then I don't ever really have to take responsibility because uh there's no reason to. I'm not putting myself in that position, you know? Um and it and and what I was saying about the life coaching world itself is you know, they brought out some really good stuff, they really did. But most people didn't retain the part that says you first in the hierarchy of things, which we've discussed before, the hierarchy of things with you at the top, right? How can I give to my wife in in an example, right? So let's just say I create an example and say, um, my wife wants a certain level of intimacy or love from me, right? How can I give that if I don't have that to for myself? My children want a certain level of um guidance and mentorship. How can I do that if I don't give that to myself? So that part there, literally, when we talk about self-help, when we talk to, when I talk to other people, they're like, oh, you know, done heaps of self-help stuff, it's all the same, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, what about this bit? And there's so many little bits that everybody misses, and they all really pertain to them. You, what are you doing for you? Who are you being for you? Right, and and that gets thrown out all the time. All the time that I'll tell you now, they'll they'll be able to most people be able to recite the whole bunch of other things that give to others, be respectful, all that sort of stuff. But what about you? Have you thought about you? And really, uh giving's easy, giving's so easy, but what makes me more fulfilled is giving to myself, right? That makes sense to you?

SPEAKER_03 21:30

Yeah, I got I got two questions for you. Yeah, so obviously I've struggled. We go back to um you know who I really am and and personal identity. I've struggled lately because maybe there's a part of me that feels embarrassed that I tell people, well, I do a weekly podcast with Luke and I do some artwork and I do a couple of days a week maintenance and um, you know, whatever else it might be. Is I mean, how do you personally separate who you are from what you do? And then I guess the second question, which we can come back to, but is it dangerous to over-identify with a role or a label? So what happens when that role ends or breaks down? So for I used to be a senior mortgage broker and I was proud to tell people that's what I was. And now I go from that to I write children's books and do podcasts and you know, paint artwork. And it's like that that part of me, I don't know, shrinks down and feels a bit embarrassed to sort of say that.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

Are you happy to play this out?

SPEAKER_03 22:27

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 22:28

I'm saying when you're all when you're a mortgage broker, what did that give you?

SPEAKER_03 22:34

Uh fair bit of stress and anxiety, but more money than I'm currently making. Yeah, so then when you were more comfortable sharing that with other people, um, why were you more comfortable to share that? Uh I think it was a status thing. I liked the fact that I was able to go from never having even studied mortgage broken to becoming a senior mortgage broker in a couple of years, and that was probably an ego thing, it was like a meteoric rise of look how well I'm going, and therefore how well am I going in life, when coincidentally coincided with the hardest time of my life, which led to complete burnout.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Yep. Yeah. So then you chose status over uh value.

SPEAKER_03 23:13

Uh hang on, hang on, I don't want to gloss over this. I chose status over value. Yeah, I think we touched on it earlier. I think that's what I thought society probably wanted me to do. That was my job as the provider.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Cool. So now let's talk about um uh that, what you just said. Um how is society more valuable than your own opinion of yourself?

SPEAKER_03 23:42

I mean, look, clearly the answer when you say it like that, clearly the answer is it's not. But no, no, no, hang on, wait, stop.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Let's pause there. No, when we talk about these types of stuff, right, I'm not looking for the right answer that you think is the right answer I'm looking for. What I what we're looking for here, and this is a mistake that most people make, is your answer. Because that's the insightful part.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

So how did how how did it get to a point where your status overdid the value of yourself the way you saw yourself?

SPEAKER_03 24:23

I think I wanted to be proud of myself and for doing something really hard and saying, I did it. I think I wanted I think I wanted to do that.

SPEAKER_00 24:34

Um but you want everybody to know that as well?

SPEAKER_03 24:36

Yeah, I uh if I'm being honest, a hundred percent. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

So that makes you that doesn't make you unique, that makes you just the same as everybody else, okay, which is cool. Um and then if we go back, and we can go even further than that, right? Um without getting too counsellor like, yeah, right. So when you were able to share that with everybody else, how did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_03 24:59

Uh well I was always I was always in sales mode, so I was always looking for the next lead. So I would always share it with everyone so that more people knew what I did to get leads to help more people to make more money, to be honest. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

But the question was about how did it make you feel? How did it make me feel when you shared all this stuff about your status and how well you were going? Yep. How did that make you feel?

SPEAKER_03 25:26

If we're being honest, nothing. Like Yes, it did.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Did it? 100%. You wouldn't be human if it didn't. So if you were telling me about how good you were as a mortgage broker and how well you were going financially and all that sorts of stuff, you're telling me you get no feeling, no emotion out of that.

SPEAKER_03 25:42

Well, I think I would only get that if I received probably a compliment back or something as a validation, which is probably what we've touched on. Yeah. I put that out there to try to then receive something back. Oh, look how well you're going, Joel, or congratulations, or mate, that's awesome, or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 25:56

I think you know, let's change it then because we're gonna get to the same thing, right? Uh when you tell everybody how good you are as a cricketer, right? How does that make you feel? Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_03 26:11

Uh that's a relative term. That's a topic for another day. Uh for so long in my family, I was the cricketer. That was my identity. Um, but yeah, that make that makes me feel good. When when I play well in big games and I'm you know known as a big game player and stuff like that, and the stuff that I pride myself on, that makes me feel really, if I'm honest, valuable and somewhat unique in that regard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Yep, yep. So when we start looking at the emotion behind it, that's the motivator to make me do the things that I do. Okay. Right? What's the motivation to share to everybody how well I'm going? Right? What's the number one thing that everybody loves talking about? You're gonna say themselves. It's a hundred percent true.

SPEAKER_04 26:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

Right? But why? Why do they like doing that? I think it uh to answer that for you, and I want to get your take on it too. Yeah, but I think it's also too they like talking about themselves, um, and there's a lot of different reasons for it, but I think that there's a level of it that says um I'm either doing better than you, uh, I have a higher status than you, um, I've got my shit together, even when I don't. Um, and it's not a look at me, look at me type thing, it's more of a um uh I know some shit. I probably know more than you about a certain thing, right? So why do you reckon that people like to talk about themselves? To feel good about themselves.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

Yeah, yeah. Uh I'm gonna put I'm gonna put a small pause on that because I've got a question that I have to ask you. We are now like five episodes in, six episodes in. At the start of this entire process, you mentioned when you were introducing yourself in the Who ChatGPT Thinks We are in that episode, you were mentioning, oh, I played sport at a really high level. Why the fuck didn't you say I played softball for Australia? I would have led with that. Why? Why why do you downplay that? Like, why wouldn't you just say I represented my country at a sport and I'm really proud of that? Like, why yeah, why you why wouldn't you come out and say that? Because that's completely true, and I think that's okay to say that. Like it's like the reverse tall poppy syndrome. Like, what why aren't you doing it?

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Yeah, I don't I I am proud of that. Uh, but that time's gone. Now I'm proud of the things that I'm doing now. Right? It's um That's a good answer, Luke. I use that stuff when I I I use that experience when I'm working with people inside that sport. But if I'm not inside that sport, it doesn't matter. It matters to me, but it doesn't matter to you. And is that gonna change anything? No. Um so why use it, right? Uh I don't know. Something shifted about uh three, four years ago for me, where that part wasn't my identity anymore. Yep, what I'm doing now and who I am being in this moment with you and with the clients I see and with my family, that's the part that I value the most. Yeah, that's who I want to be.

SPEAKER_03 29:25

I want to unpack that with you right now because you would have had a a bigger identity crisis than I would have, because for someone who's played, represented their country at the top level at their sport, and like I said before, to my family for 20-something years, I was the cricketer. I'm not talking immediate family, the extended family, you know, that's what you were sort of known as. When you weren't playing for Australia and you weren't playing softball and you weren't the guy who did that, I can you take yourself back there, I guess, mentally and emotionally. Did you have a large fallout and a cliff where you went, fuck, I'm not that guy anymore? And that's that's a huge part of my life and value that is now stripped away and is kind of does not matter. And you see this in times with AFL footballers who make a shit ton of money in a six-year career and then get out and don't have any trades and any skills and whatever, which I'm guessing is a probably a similar thing that you went through. But can you remember that time?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Yeah, yeah. I remember very vividly. Um, I had my I did my ACL uh in a baseball grand final. Uh which in the grand scheme of things wasn't a bigger deal, but it was a big deal for the club at the time because they were moving from they went from division three, moved up into division two, we're gonna play in the division two grand final, and we're about to move into division one, right? And then we did. Um we didn't win, but we moved into division one. And so now who am I now if I can't play ball anymore? That was a big deal for me. Um and it took me a little while to get my uh my surgery, and after the surgery I had a lot of complications, which really impacted me a lot. So I spent a lot of time on the couch because I could I couldn't walk properly. And so then what happened was uh I went through this whole identity crisis, I guess you can say, which is true, it was an identity identity crisis. Uh who am I now? And I had no answers for that. Had no answers for that. What'd you do? Um well after I stopped suiting, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:34

And what how long did that take? Like let's let's map it out a little bit. Like is this months, is this week, is it years, is it like it's not days. I would say I was crabby for probably two years. Two years?

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Yeah, yeah. So how would how would you coach someone in the middle of that? But I kept moving. Yeah, in what way? So I I I didn't stop uh I didn't crash. Right. My crash was very different to some people. Okay. I know that some people really crash real heavily. I my crash was internal, but I had to keep moving. So I did. Uh and it wasn't always to I think the decisions I made around that time were more detrimental to myself than they were for me. Uh they weren't they weren't really always positive, but when I look at it, uh I'm grateful for the time because it helped shape who I am now. Greatest shittest gift. Yeah, well, 100%.

SPEAKER_03 32:30

But did you find that, Luke? Sorry, did you find that as the months went by and the years went by and you moved further away from being that person, did you also not really have any idea as you're moving further away what you were moving to? Was that was there's that that period of limbo where you're like, gee, I'm not that guy, and that is now I'm just gonna be a memory where we're gonna talk about the old war stories, but I don't know where I'm going either. Did that happen?

SPEAKER_00 32:54

No, not for me. I knew exactly where I wanted to go. It was just about how do I get there, right? Uh, and how is that going to how is it gonna play out with all the other things that were happening in my life, like bills and stuff like that? Yeah, of course. Um and just living, because that was that was difficult for that time, right? Um and uh what I wanted to move into life coaching initially, and that's when everything fell apart. This is what I would say to everybody be careful what you wish for. Yeah. Because it will come true in some way. That the so I break it down. I didn't want to play baseball. I played baseball because of my mates were playing baseball, played baseball because of the coach that I had in our team and the camaraderie of the friends and stuff like that that I had. I really enjoyed that time, it was great. Uh but the baseball, I couldn't give a shit about a baseball. I really didn't care. And then it got to a point where um I was doing so much, not just baseball, but uh other things that I was doing in my life, and uh I wanted to stop. Baseball was taken out four days a week, right? And I didn't want to do that anymore, and then my knee break blows out, right? So, did I help make that happen? The more learning I do about this, the more it says, Yeah, you did this to yourself. Um at the time I didn't understand that completely. Uh, and my auntie actually said, Well, after I did my knee, she's like, Well, you didn't want to play anyway, did you? Kind of worked out good. Yeah, but how did I get injured doing it? Right? So there's a whole lot of things that we can talk about that. But I think um so what happened was for me that really shook me more than anything else, than the injury itself, was because I couldn't give what I was able to before. Um I had to learn that the friends that I had I only had because of the things we did together, not because we were actually really mates. That was really hard because here I am lying there, leg up on the couch, sucking up because of the pain. I was in so much pain. And uh ice and all the time, no one really came. No one came checking in, no calls, nothing. Gone, gone. Wiped off the face of the earth almost. That was probably the toughest one. Yeah, yeah. Um, and you know, you if you spoke to Joanne about it too, she she did a lot of work to help support me through that, um, especially just through the physical stuff. I mean, you should have seen me. I was rolling around the house on a computer chair, right? Because I couldn't walk. Um and we had a very uh my son would have would have been, I don't even know if he was one when I had my surgery. So it was it was a bloody hard time for her too, plus the identity crisis.

SPEAKER_03 36:00

So um it's almost um that's almost grief, isn't it? I was just thinking, you know, they talk about the stages of grief where it's you know denial and anger and rage and what it is grief, it's a hundred percent grief because you've lost something. Yeah, but you you talk about you realize about the friends and who you thought were maybe close but they aren't reaching in. I've you know, when I lost my brother to cancer, the immediate which we'll I'm sure we'll unback that at another time, but when I'm ready, um, but the immediate influx of messages and support is overwhelming, right? When it's brand new and stuff like that, you're getting messages and calls, and it's like, okay, it's great, but that's too much. And then obviously you have the funeral, and then you get all that, and all that happens, and then you get a little bit of support afterwards, and then as the months go by, people return to their normal life, right? We've all done it, yeah. And then it's like fuck four months down the track, six months down the track, when I really need it, when you guys have gotten on with it, it's like the messages don't come. And I had a cousin who lost her dad, uh, probably about I don't know, I'm not even gonna guess, could be a year or two years ago. My memory's not great with that now. Um, and I said this exactly to her. I go, I'm gonna make sure, and I try to be a better friend or a better cousin, and I said, I'm gonna try to make sure that I remember to reach out, you know, six months, twelve months, whatever, when everything's gone quiet. I think that's so important. So important. Yeah, it is, it is.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Uh I think the biggest thing when we have these types of crises is to choose something, don't sit down and do nothing, right? I chose something, but I didn't follow through with it. I chose life coaching, but I didn't follow through with it initially. I didn't uh because life coaching wasn't pro going to provide money to eat. Yeah, yeah. So then I continued on to do painting and maintenance, which was not good for my knee anyway, and I limped around a fair bit. Uh, but when once I then chose enough's enough, boom, this is what I'm doing, things started to shift. Everything changed after that. Um, it was just about like I said before, it's more about make you've already made the decision, now learn how to how you're gonna deal with it and how you're gonna live with it, right? And I didn't. That was probably the biggest problem. And then what I did was I was blaming external people for how for how I was and how my identity was all tied up into trying to live up to their expectations instead of going, actually, you know what, you did that, they didn't, you did. Okay, so now responsibility time and question time, so all that happened, now what? And now what? We're back into that, aren't we? Yeah, that's good. And I'll tell you now, I didn't have an answer. And then what? Yeah, yeah, and I and that question was asked to me, and uh uh I generally have something to say about everything, right? But uh when she asked me that question, I don't actually know. I don't know. Okay, let's work it out. And then I just chose one thing, one thing, and the thing that was most valuable to me, started studying all that sort of stuff, and just one foot in front of the other, one step, each time I made that step, I shifted and I became more more like that. Is done and it's okay. I'm okay with it because this part here is more exciting, it's I'm more connected here to me. So that's what I that's funny though.

SPEAKER_03 39:41

You like it's almost like this big Venn diagram of being able to provide enough money to be able to live, to be able to eat, but also doing things that are meaningful to you and have purpose. Like, I'm in a good space mentally at the moment. Of course I am. I play golf once a week, I do artwork, I get to podcast with you. But the flip side of that is the savings account is being drained. We're about to have another kid on the way. My wife's already on maternity leave right now. There's a part of me that just goes, You cannot do this forever. Podcasting makes zero. We've I've spent more money than we've made. We don't make anything. In fact, there's a call, there's a call to arms if you want to sponsor the show so we can recoup some costs. But this feels like a purpose and something that I'm passionate about. You can tell by the way I'm talking now, and I normally talk way too fast when I get on a roll. But I'm like, well, I'm doing things that I enjoy doing that I think make a difference, that make me feel good, that stabilise my mental health. But there's also that other demon that sits in the other shoulder and says, mate, you're kidding yourself if you think you can do this for the next five years. You need to get back out there in the workforce and bring in some dollars to provide. And eventually those two values of what I need versus what I want are potentially going to collide unless I can come up with a way to create a job with inside of all of this stuff that we are doing. You know what?

SPEAKER_00 40:54

That's identity. I I love this, I love what you just said about that other demon. Okay, right? Because yeah, I had my experiences with that and I love this question, and it's up to you whether you answer this or not.

SPEAKER_03 41:06

I'll answer anything you ask me. I told you I'd follow you to the ends of the earth.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

Yeah, well, don't do that. I'd put you first. You can land on me. Thanks, mate. Yeah, um, always tease the fat guy. Um what I'll what I like about it is is when you hear that voice, that demon that you called it, whose voice is it?

SPEAKER_03 41:33

I did my immediate answer is it's the common sense part of me. It's a it's still me, it's still Joel, but it's the straight arrowed get your shit together type person. Where did that person come from? Good question. Where did that person come from? Well, I think he was built and designed out of fear. Uh I don't know where he came from. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 42:00

Every single person I've asked that question to, and I had to ask it of myself, they always say it was somebody else, right? And that's somebody else is someone closer to them. It could be mum, dad, it could be brother, sister, it could be my wife, could be my whoever, my partner, significant other, whatever you want to call them, right? Could be that person, right? That's who I hear when I say those things, right? Okay, I hear my voice, but I know it's them, right? So you were taught to be that hard on yourself. Yes, okay, cool. Well, now what? Right? So if that's the case, and you hear that person, right? Are they living your your experience? No, okay, well then I I like to and there's a whole therapy on it um about parts. Uh I think it's um internal family systems talk about breakup of parts of ourselves, but there is another way you can look at it too, where it's not so clinical, is what part of me is in control right now? What part of me am I listening to? Sometimes we need to say to that part, thank you so much for being here. Really appreciate you being here. You kept me safe for this long, but I got it from here. You can walk with me, but you're never walking in front of me. It's it's almost like, and I said this to you before, it's almost like saying, Will I give my 14-year-old child the keys to my Ferrari? Hell no. Right? That kid touches that Ferrari and I slap the taste out of his mouth. So it's like, well, okay, um, so why would you give the young person inside you that you're perceiving as somebody else? Why would you give the keys to your Ferrari, which is your life? Why would you give those keys to that thing, that entity of you, that part of you? It's pointless, it's bad. And and there are so many people that walk into this office. They will always give the keys to somebody else, another part of them. That's not helpful for them. So then we have to get them to a point where they can say, actually, I've got it from here. That was really cool. We acknowledge that part of us because it it kept us safe for through a time that we needed it to. Right? But you don't need to stay there anymore. Put you back in the driver's seat. It's okay. I've got the oh, you give me the keys back here.

SPEAKER_03 44:22

Yeah. Mate, that was a long segment one, but I love that chat. Some good stuff in there. So I think we've been running, I don't know, 40 minutes. I don't I don't want an episode to run for three hours. But we'll get into rewind. I don't think this will be a long one where we just go back for a minute. I think it was a couple episodes ago, Luke. You mentioned change the way you look at things and the way you look at things change. So change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. I see, I always get that wrong. Thank you. So obviously, this phrase is what about perspective? Um and what it suggests that external circumstances or challenges might remain the same, but how we interpret or react or engage with them can drastically alter their impact on our life. Can you give us like an example? Like why does that statement work? How can we use it? It's this might go hand in hand with Luke's toolkit, who knows? But can you open up on that a little bit?

SPEAKER_00 45:09

Well, if we if we see something, let's just say a person, right? If we see some we see a person as uh very defensive, very aggressive, or something like that, or very avoidant, or you choose your label, then that's all we will see if we label that person that thing. But if we change the way we look at it and say, I wonder why I wonder how things got like this for them. Opens up the curiosity part of us and we see them in a different way. Right? But if we continue to label things a certain thing, then that's the only way we're gonna look at it from now on.

SPEAKER_03 45:48

Just on that, why do some mental health professionals use the term name it to tame it? Like they actually want you to label whatever the this this feeling is X, this is depression, this is anxiety, this is fear, whatever uncertainty. But then on the other hand, you're saying, well, yeah, but when we label it, it becomes a fixed thing, and then I don't know, that absorbs into our body and we become that, and we just take that as gospel. Like there's a duality of conflict basically.

SPEAKER_00 46:13

There isn't, there isn't. So we would label something when you can't label something, right? So you need to we need to have a basis of what you are gonna choose to label it, okay, and that gives us uh a full insight into where you're at right now, yeah. Yeah, right? Okay, cool. Anxiety, that's what you're gonna label that thing, anxiety, and then now we've got a label to it. We see this with kids with ADHD too. That you see them at school, they get ADHD and then they go, Oh, that's just my ADHD. Okay, cool. And this is why I like to then okay, well, let's break free of that. Now that we've uh identified what we're feeling, yeah, can we open up to other feelings? Right? And it's really more about um, I think personally, and I know that there are different ways to go about things, but I like to think of it as like, well, uh, I am now giving myself permission to feel rather than blocking myself from the other feelings that I can feel, on top of anxiety, sadness, depression, aggression, whatever it is that I've labeled the feeling that I'm feeling right now. Does it make sense?

SPEAKER_03 47:20

Uh no, I want you to explain that.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

Sorry, explain that again. So let's just say um you go to a counselor or a psychologist or something, yeah, and they're like, okay, uh name it to tame it. Yep. Then you say, okay, this feeling that I'm feeling now is anxiety. Sure. Okay. So um now that we've got a feeling, we're giving you you permission to feel that. What are the feelings and emotions are we going to give you permission to feel now? Okay. Because now instead of blocking that that you've worked so hard to push away, right? Now that you're connecting to it, it's like, okay, well, what insights can I get from it for starters, but I'm also giving myself permission to feel. Most people don't give themselves permission to feel anything. Yeah, they try to push it down, push it down, yeah, because I don't want to be perceived by in a certain way, or what have you.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

All right, and or and from someone who's gone through it, it's just fucking uncomfortable. And it's relentless at times. And that's where, again, here's a topic for another day drugs and alcohol and sex and porn and fucking binge drink, whatever else it might be, right? These vices, if you will, that we lean on because it's like the anywhere but here type feeling, you know. I want to I want to do anything I can right now to not feel to not feel or dampen the feeling of what I'm currently feeling. And I guess that and I've been I've done all of those things, mind you. Again, like all of them. Um and like I get it, I I get how you go down that path, but it's any anything that you're talking about in a very small sample size bed or day or two, I get. What do you do? And for the people out there, it's a really serious question, this one, the people out there that haven't just gone through it for a day or two, that are gone through it for months and weeks on end, where it's like, well, this is I can't put up with this every fucking day. How do you how do you deal with that? Like, where's your starting point?

SPEAKER_00 49:10

Yeah, so how long were you feeling it before you got to that point?

SPEAKER_03 49:14

Well, yeah, but if you that's that's the thing. If you can't identify it, label it, notice it, you you're not as uh emotionally intelligent as you should be. You don't all you know is that it's a feeling that is uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 49:24

Look at your feelings like the neighbor you don't want. Yeah, I've got one of those. So the neighbor comes over, give your story. So the neighbor comes over, they'll knock on a door. You'll be sitting there, you know, in your pajamas or something, watching a TV show, you're just binging and you're just chilling out, and you want everybody to leave you alone. And then knock, knock, knock. And you look on your camera or something like that, and you're like, oh, this guy, why is he here? Leave me alone. So you shh just ignore him. Knocks it again. But this time knocks louder. Shh shh he doesn't know we're here. But he can hear the TV. Knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock. It's louder and louder to the point where you go, fuck it. Why is this person? That's it. You get up off the couch, you go to the door, you open a door, right? And you slam it open, and you go, What do you want? Right? And then the the the neighbor's got this big smile on his face, and they're really nice, and they go, Oh, I'm really sorry to uh to bother you. I'm just wondering if you you do you have some milk or some uh or some butter? I'm just cooking a bacon, a cake. And I'm a little bit sure, is there any way you can help me out? Fuck yeah, just wait here. How much do you need? So you're getting really angry now. They tell you how much I need, I need a cup or whatever. So then you go, you go get the cup, you come back, you give it to them. And they go, Oh, thank you so much, Joel. I really appreciate you doing that thing for me. And you're like, whatever, mate, whatever, slam a door closed, right? Yeah, but the neighbor is your emotions, they came to you because you offered them to come. You're supposed to feel them, and they knock on your door. Now, if you don't pay attention from the start, the knock gets louder and louder and louder and louder, and then all of a sudden we explode, right? So here I am chilling on the couch, I get this emotion, right? Why can't it play out safely, obviously, but why can't it play out? Why does it have to be oh I can't deal with that right now, push it away? And when you say to me, Oh, you know, but if I deal with this days on end, right, when was the first time you felt that that you pushed it down? It's like taking a call. Not always can you take the call, I get it, right? But then what do you do? Do you call that person back? Okay, and you the answers yes, right? I'm gonna call that person back when I get an opportunity to. Cool. Why don't you do the same thing with your emotional states? Not every emotion has to be thrown away. Don't throw any of them away. But they're they're the the the neighbor that keeps knocking on your door, they're not going anywhere. I I like this saying, wherever you go, you're there, right? You're there all the time. That includes your emotional states, that includes your history, that includes your everything. So why would we treat our emotions and ourselves so poorly? But we'll treat a neighbor and give them milk, we'll give them, you know, butter, whatever it is they need, right? Or can you help me out because I need my car's broken down? Can you help jumpstart my car? Well, we do that for them, but we're not gonna do that for our emotions. I hate that shit. Like, come on, get your head around it. Like, seriously, don't push yourself away. You if you're valuing yourself and your identity is tied up with who I am, not what I do, then we would say, okay, in the hierarchy of things, I'm at the top. So how am I going to serve me? How what does that look like? I got emotional stuff that I'm carrying. Cool. Let's feel them. You're allowed to. You're an emotional being, you're supposed to feel right? It's okay.

SPEAKER_03 53:13

I am so proud of myself right now because I loved watching you get on a roll and get passionate talk about that. And again, I take the lessons that you've taught me in this show, even. What was it? Refuse the thrill, don't be a deal. Oh, you just make it up. What was it? Resist the thrill to test your skill. Right.

SPEAKER_00 53:33

Yeah, that was close enough. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 53:36

And I just remember looking at you like there's some snips in here that are going to be gold to be able to post. Like, mate, I thought that was unreal. That was that was it's you're obviously very passionate about it, which is why you're good at what you do. But that was um, I'm so glad I didn't buddy. And that was a moment where I just had to watch you and let the magic unfold.

SPEAKER_00 53:52

That would have been you would have been struggling with not buttoning. But I think um uh I'm passionate because we've been taught to be robots, and we say society's taught me this way. Actually, you accepted what that was that message, which means you taught yourself, and now you do the thing, and you then you have your history, you're maybe you've experienced trauma, maybe your upbringing was you weren't allowed to feel, right? That's okay. Let's work through that. Don't push it away for any longer because it will impact your relationships.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

Alright, Luke, that was awesome. So we'll jump onto segment three, Luke's Toolkit, something you can actually use. I'm gonna lead you into this one. Remember the TV show, of course you remember, Ted Lasso? Yeah, I haven't watched it though. Oh mate, if you haven't seen that, that's funny that you haven't watched it from a bloke who comes from a sporting background. So, um, so she plays, there's a person called Hannah Waddingham. I've just looked this up. She plays Rebecca Welton in the Apple TV um show Ted Lasso. So she does this thing. She's, I'm gonna call her big boss woman. She's a big boss woman of that football club, takes over from her ex-husband, gets it in a divorce, whatever. Um, I assume our listeners probably will have seen it because it's a cracker. Um and she does this thing where before she goes into boardrooms or big meetings or presentation, normally with big powerful, wealthy men, where she rises up really big, um, like you know, six foot something, she's already a tall lady and stretches out her arms and makes like a claw shape and sort of roars like a lion. Um, you've often showed you showed me once a technique that was sort of similar that does something to the body, which I'll get you to sort of explain what it is. But can you explain, I guess, why she would do that and why similar techniques work? What are they, why do they work? And yeah, can you talk about that?

SPEAKER_00 55:40

Yeah, so there's a couple of things. One is the emotional state that we're moving into, um, that changes the way the brain chemistry is being received and how we then communicate and manage our space. Essentially, um, the message is getting brought up from the body into the brain and saying, Yo, this is who we need to be right now. Okay, uh we also have body posture. Our body posture will dictate how we feel. So if I have my shoulders forward and hunched forward, I'm more likely to experience more depressive feelings, right? Sadness, disconnect, um, all that sorts of stuff. If I have my shoulders way too far back, then I'm most likely gonna have this more of aggressive pose, and I will most likely be uh probably a little bit over the top, maybe a little bit arrogant, um, maybe a little bit too big and loud and all that sort of stuff, right? But our natural state is to have our head square over our shoulders, right? And if you're getting headaches at the back of your head, it's more likely you're sticking your jaw out forward. But we natural state is to have our shoulder our neck straight over top of our shoulders in a straight line and our shoulders square, not hunched forward, not pushed back, but square. And that then can create a whole lot of different things that happen to us where we can be a little bit more regulated. We can also then create more confidence in the things we're doing, which is what you're explaining to about uh the the TV show. Yeah, yeah. So the thing that we uh we went over with you was you put your hands down by your side, you're standing up, yep, you're making a fist, but not squeezing, you're just closing your fingers over, stick your thumbs out, yep, and then you push your thumbs out as far away from your body as you can with your ribs, uh sorry, with your elbows still in your ribs. Yep. Um I hope that's sort of coming across alright.

SPEAKER_03 57:35

I think the term would be is it like pronate or supernate, whatever? Yeah, one of those ones. So basically a soft fist, hands by side, and then turning your thumbs both outwards. Outwards, or what? To sort of expose your, I guess, your palms and the inside of your arms to the sky, effectively.

SPEAKER_00 57:51

Or to or forward. Or forward, right, gotcha. Forward. Yep, gotcha. Right. So then that way, um but your ribs, uh your elbows need to be still essentially as close to your ribs as possible.

SPEAKER_03 58:00

Yeah, and that's opening up your chest at the same time you do it, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 58:03

So then what happens, what that does is it causes your shoulders to go back. Right. Um, and then um and then your head sort of stands upright because the main structure of your body, yeah, which is your spine, is now upright. Okay. It's not hunched forward, it's not hunched back, it's upright. Yeah. And then what we can do is then we can walk up and down. Probably don't do this out in public because people will laugh at you. Um I'm cool with that. Um, but uh, I tell people either walk up and down the hallway at home or in a bedroom, whatever, um, and just walk up and down for five, six minutes every day, right? And then what will organically happen is you will start to naturally walk that way without even realizing it because this is the body is now saying, This is our natural state now, let's do this, right? What it does is then starts to turn on different parts of our mind and our and our brain where we can start to think differently. Once we start thinking differently and we start feeling differently, we can change the outcomes that we're experiencing. Does that make sense to you? 100%.

SPEAKER_03 59:06

I I want to know, and I'm sorry if I zoned out, man. I often do that, but but what in in like a real elevator pitch, why does it work? Give it to me in a sentence or two.

SPEAKER_00 59:16

It it a sentence or two, okay.

SPEAKER_03 59:20

Um sorry, I'm just trying to condense, just so I I just want to understand the chemistry and the I don't know, the hormones or what goes on when you do it that allows something to change.

SPEAKER_00 59:30

Your muscles essentially hold this is not in one sentence, I'm sorry. Okay, I can't give it to you. But I would say that your muscles hold tension. Right when they hold tension, that's essentially the stress that gets built up in your body. When the body has stress in it, it changes the chemistry in your brain to be how do we survive now? Right? And now, can I have confidence in that state? Probably not. So then we will do what's called uh an adaption. Some things will be said as a maladaption. So a lot of people talk about maladaptive behaviors. I don't know about that, right? I'm gonna get controversial here though.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:11

Don't get us cancelled in episode five, man. Hey, I don't know about maladaption.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:14

You've already called me a c maladaption presupposes that what I did was wrong, that it's not right. Society will say that that's a maladaption, the behavior's not great, it's a negative behavior. However, you probably picked it to protect yourself in some way. So is it maladaptive? Don't know. I think I think there's more to be explored in that space. But you want to shift a behavior, you want to shift an emotion, shift the body. That'd be the way I would say it. I love that. If I had to sh sum it up, that's how I love that.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:52

And again, I'm not a counsellor at all if that if that isn't apparently clear by now. But I'll just come back to this. It's so fucking simple that I can't believe that we don't recognise it. But when I have these sort of things and you just go, go for a walk, and I'll go, what the fuck do you mean go for a walk? Like, what do you mean? And then I've told this story a number of times. It's just that that small act of just movement, tension relieves, your aches and your pains, your you know, your calves loosen up, your back loosens up, you get energy, you get moving, your heart rate lifts, yeah, you get some deep breaths in as you're just out there looking in nature, you get some vitamin D, some sun on you, it can happen and change the current state, the break state, as you would probably call it, I'm guessing, or it can change really quickly. Yep. But when you're just stuck in your quicksand, and you as you've probably rightly touched on earlier, when I just got sick of fucking whinging, basically, but yeah, it's um mate. Thank you for talking about that. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:47

Really quickly, if you if you do some homework on traditional Chinese medicine, they talk about stagnation. And if you sit still for long enough, you will become stagnant. That includes your emotional state and your thinking state, right? So if we move the body, we change that stagnation, we start to move the energy inside ourselves. So um that's why stretching, walking, anything active, yeah, it's gonna be good for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:12

I um I can touch on that personally and I don't want to run over time, but I find that when I'm playing PlayStation or I'm you know absorbed in PGA 25 and I'm sitting there on the couch and my posture's shit and I'm bent over and you know, in between shots, I'm scanning my phone. If I do that for longer than an hour, I just feel really shit, quite frankly. I get a bit moody, a bit grumpy, I get sore, and I'm like, well, yeah, look at the way you've been sitting, like it happens really quickly. You're right, you talk about stagnation, that's a great example. You just turn into you know, it's almost like moss starts to grow on you.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:42

We could we could talk more about that in another podcast, especially uh another episode where we can talk about how video games become real in your body.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:54

Oh, let's is that an unpack that or is that a rewind?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:57

We can do whichever way you want to. Oh, I like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:59

I think that's relevant, especially for we've actually done the data on this. We've got some kids. Oh, I've got to call them kids because I'm an old fart now, but some younger people who are sort of still at school that listen to this, that might be really relative to them. Yes. Sounds good. All right, mate, we're gonna jump on to segment four. What three things made you happy this week? Obviously, this is a segment where we pause to reflect on the little things to try to chase some of the little wins and look for the good stuff and try to ignore some of the bad stuff that is obviously out there in the real world. Mate, I'm gonna go first here because I've got a couple of big ones. Um, my first daughter, my oldest daughter, I've currently only got one. My wife hasn't given birth yet, but um, she turned five on the 8th of August, which was Friday. So uh happy birthday to Harley, that's obviously a big one. We had a great day, we had some people around and uh yeah, she got a cake and got to play with her toys. That's I think you're cheating here.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:48

Why? I'm sure you used that before.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:51

No. Cheat? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, here we go. No, no, this is really easy. Um, because my wife is going well, her due date's about three and a half weeks. We had her birthday party early. Hey, listen, old mate. Hey, what? Maybe you need to check the transcripts. You're not listening to me. We had her birthday party with her friends and stuff at Crocs Play Centre, and Friday just gone, the 8th of August, is her actual birthday. Okay. So they were on separate days. Can you comprehend that? Well, you didn't explain that, did you? Wait, did you take time to listen to what I was saying before you interrupted? No. Don't make me point at the whiteboard and call you a fuckhead again. We're gonna tell that quick story now. We often call each other fuckheads because one day we would have, I don't know, coming up with ideas, and I don't know, I draw a blank and I just wrote the word fuckhead in the top left-hand corner of the whiteboard. So now when either one of us is being a fuckhead or we just want to poke fun at each other, which men often do, we just pretend to point at a whiteboard, which may or may not exist. We can be out there walking in the street, but or we'll just say uh don't make me point at the whiteboard. So if that comes up in future episodes, don't make me point at the whiteboard, assume that one of us is calling the other one a fuckhead, which we can say on this podcast. Uh so number two, um I'm gonna cook a ripping steak during the week, just a little one. I love cooking a good steak. I pride myself on cooking a good steak, it's not perfectionism, it's just something I enjoy doing. Uh, although I'll be honest, I do like, you know, they often talk about once you cook the perfect chicken, you never cook it a different way. Once you cook the perfect steak, that's the way you go back to. So um, if you want my steak recipe, reach out. And number three, I worked up at my mum and dad's place this week. They've got a beautiful property. I do some maintenance up there, hedging and stuff. Some of it's just shoveling shit at times, to be honest, or painting horse fences, but I enjoy that for a couple of reasons. A, it's exercise. Uh, and B, I get to see my family during the week, which I like. As your parents get a little bit older, you realise that they're probably not going to live forever. And um, I still really enjoy hanging out with my mum and dad, so it's great. That's cool. They're my three. What are your three things that made you happy this week, big fella?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:49

Uh I don't know if I've got three, I've got two.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:51

Well, fucking come up with three. I'm not gonna lie. Um they can be small, mate. Like you put on a nice pair of pants, it can be anything. I want you to find three. Three. Dig deeper. Listen anyway. Night.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:03

You can't do that. First one. Go. Right. I am very grateful for my mom. She did a lot of printing for my office. That was really cool. She did some really she did a really good job. That's a nice thing. That was really good. Number two, I would say that the conversations we're having, I'm having right now with a lot of my clients are quite deep and quite serious. And I really, really respect and value their trust. Because they're not easy things to talk about. Uh and I think shit, I'm getting emotional just thinking about it. But I really respect that. I really do. Because you didn't get it anywhere else. And you obviously trust me that much to give that. You never told that story before, now you're telling it now. Um and I I got a lot of respect for that and thank you so much. Very grateful to be able to be that person for them. They're my two. I couldn't get past the second one because that one was really big for me. That's what I was saying. Alright, I'll let you off the hook this week. Gee, thank you so much. Uh please don't give me an F on my test. I'm sorry. You did say you're a shit student. Yeah, I was, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:27

Uh Luke completed 75% of these questions. Uh is that two out of three, 75%? That's pretty high. Uh yeah, I mean, happy right with that.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:36

Yeah, okay. That's it. Hey, change the way you look at things. The way you look at things change. Um mate, that's it for this week's episode. Just a couple of things I want to touch on from a um a listener point of view. I know people always say this, and I didn't understand it until I got into it. But leaving a five-star review or commenting and following on the podcast, either Apple or Spotify, makes a huge difference. And it's not just for us, it's about by doing that, you get higher up the tree of who's visible on what podcast, because they see what's sort of trending. If that then leads to somebody finding this podcast who may be in need to listen to these kind of stories and unpack some things themselves, uh stupid as it sounds, I don't think it's too long of a bow to draw to say that by leaving a review and doing a follow and sharing this, that you might actually be helping someone else that you may or may not know. Uh you know, this is this is not a sports podcast where we're just talking about how Essendon got beaten by 100 points again on the weekend where it's like we'll take it and leave it. Like this stuff could make a difference. We're not overplaying our importance, and I'm certainly not, but it could make a difference. That is important.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:41

Yeah, I think uh yeah, it's it's when we look at the the algorithms of everything, we're kind of playing around with that, aren't we?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:48

Yeah, we are absolutely we're in America, we've got a listener, we've got like it's weird, it's weird. I'll sh yeah, I'm gonna upload the as I said the PlayStation controller story that came through, but you just never know who it's gonna reach. No, you don't. You don't. Uh so just to come back to that, you can get us at lifesbumpsbruisers at gmail.com. Again, we talk about it every week, but if you've got a question, a small win, a topic you want us to unpack, send us a message. Um, or you can hit us up via Instagram at Life's Bumps and Bruises or Facebook under the same name Life's Bumps and Bruises. Um and again, if you're keen to share this episode with a mate who might need it, um, yeah, I'm sure that'd be great. We'll be back next week, bruises and all. I'll see you next Tuesday. See you guys. Take care. Bye.