Episode 6 - How To Be A Better Friend

🧠 How do you actually show up for someone battling anxiety or depression — without overstepping, fixing, or burning yourself out?

In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Joel Sheldon and Luke Lee Tet respond to a listener’s question about what it really means to be a better friend. From Joel’s experience of the people who got him through, to Luke’s practical toolkit for showing up without judgment, this conversation gets honest about friendship in the hard moments.

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into:

• Friendship beyond "I'm fine"
• Supporting someone through anxiety or depression
• Listening without rushing to fix
• The balance between showing up and setting boundaries

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🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s normalise the conversation, one real chat at a time.

Credits:

The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon

Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:04

Life's full of bumps, bruises, and emotional potholes. I'm Joel Sheldon, just a bloke who's battled anxiety and depression. Joined by Luke Lettet, counsellor, coach, and the calm to my chaos. Each week we talk real life, anxiety, overwhelm, family stuff, and those mornings when getting out of bed feels like a win. Plus, love life along the way. This is Life's Bumps and Bruises. We're glad you're here. Luke, how's your week been again?

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Oh, it's been full on, actually. Uh sorry, I'm using using that term again. Uh it's been full.

SPEAKER_03 0:57

No, you didn't say busy, so that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Uh been full on, actually. We just uh drove up to New South Wales to watch uh my son play a tournament and then drove back. Um was a long trip. Long trip.

SPEAKER_03 1:10

Yeah, right. So last week, this is episode six. We finally get the order of these episodes right. I've been listening to like episode four where we call it episode three and whatever else, but I think this whole episode zero teaser has thrown us out.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Yes, it has. Definitely did. It does, I think it's thrown a few of my friends out too, for sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Yeah, but uh yeah, we're calling this one episode six, so I think they should start now to be in chronological order. So just do a bit of a recap. If you haven't heard episode five, we spoke about the everyday art of resilience. If you haven't heard that one, go back and listen to it. It was a pretty good one. Um, so last week in Life's Bumps and Bruises, we talked about the everyday art of resilience, and it had my sticky gecko parenting saga and how those little frustrations can completely derail you when your tank's empty. And uh, Luke, you shared some great tips in resetting in the moment, and we looked at resilience as something you can build in small everyday recoveries, not just big comebacks. So this week, Luke. Uh actually, do you want to hear one of Joel's stories before we get started?

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Joel, you've always got a story, man. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 2:07

I do.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

I um no tools this time.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

No tools. No. I've got two little stories, quick ones. Um the first one is one of our listeners is my mum. Shout out to my mum. That's good. That is cool. That is cool. She's sweetheart. She's in her, I think she's late 60s. You think? Yeah, I shouldn't have. Oh wow. You're in trouble now, man. She um she came up to me when I went up to her place and she walked into the kitchen. She said to me, I've been listening to your iPods. Well she pinch them off you. Yeah, so I so I think uh asking her to leave a review might be a bit of a stretch. Um but we'll see how we go. And the other um, the other story I've got for you is as you know, I recently got a new car for me. It's not a new car, but it's a new car for me. So I've been I had a 2010 Lexus with about 260,000 Ks on it. So I thought I was going to drive it until it blew up, but I opted to get something a little bit uh relatively newer, a 2019 model of something else. Um, so I could sell the other one before the baby came, it's a bigger car, fits car seat. So I'm still fiddling out all the buttons. We're figuring out the buttons. And uh, as you do when you get a new car for you, you generally want to keep it clean. So I drive down to the car wash. And uh automatic one. Well, that's what I want to get to. So it was a beautiful sunny day in Melbourne, beautiful. So it was like optimal car wash time. I think it was on a Sunday, so everyone was washing their car. And I uh it was a bit of a queue, and I could see the attendant walking around, and he comes up to me whilst I'm in the queue and he says, Um, uh, do you want the automatic wash or do you want whatever the other ones called, the manual one, the hand wash? And I said, Oh, I could see that the hand wash ones were all taken, all those bays were taken. And I said, Oh, is the uh is the automatic one free? And he goes, Why would it be free for? Like, why would it be free? And I said, I meant, is it available? And he just goes, Oh, of course. He goes, Yeah, it's available. I said, Okay, I'll take that. So I'm driving in and I've got uh I've got some music playing in the background and I pull in and I pay for it and you know pick the classic wash. And it starts, and as it rolls over the top, water starts coming in the car. Oh wow. So I've left the sunroof, I've got a shade cloth that goes over the sunroof underneath it, and then a sunroof on top of that. Now you can open them and close them both independently, but apparently I had the sunroof slightly open and the shade cloth closed, so I didn't know it was open. So water starts coming inside the car, and because it's a new car and I'm now under in a pressure situation that I wasn't prepared for, I start pushing these buttons to figure out or how do I close it? And as I'm doing it, I pushed one the wrong way, so the shade cloth starts to open. I quickly shut that and I push the other one, and eventually I got it shut. But um, I'll upload some photos to our socials. But I've I've got probably the best part of two and a half litres inside the car. Wow. Wow. So that was just jolly, jolly jolly. Well, at least it wasn't a tools issue. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen to you, eh? Well, I told you, it seems like I have one of these stories every week, but um, I think that's pretty relatable. I'm sure I'm not the first person to uh open up their sunroof in a car wash, but that was interesting. So we'll um we'll get into it. So this week, Luke, we are diving into how to be a better friend, especially when someone you care about might we might be battling anxiety or depression. Um we've got the usual segments unpack that, rewind Luke's toolkit, and what three things made us happy this week. Um, plus, as always, I'm sure we'll have a laugh at ourselves and take the piss. Um, should we get into unpack that? Let's do it. Let's do it. So this is unpack that where I pose a story, scenario, or a moment for Luke to break down. Uh Luke, so being a good friend, typically would you say it's not about grand gestures as much? It's about the little moments and the check-ins and the honesty. But I'm interested to know, are we actually doing it well and how can we do it better? So we had a listener question that came in from Jacques Wessels that came through via uh Instagram. Now I actually know Jacques through the cricket club. So he um he asked this question. He said, Hi Joel and Luke, in episode two, you mentioned the idea of being a better friend. Joel, you said the people pushing you through and helping you were your dad and your wife. If possible, I'd like you to expand on how can I be a better friend to someone battling anxiety or depression. Over to you, pro. You always use that. I know because it always gives you that reaction, which is worth it. Your face lights up.

SPEAKER_00 6:40

Yeah, right. Um, okay, so anxiety and depression is a very tricky one. Uh I think that what I've found with most people is they get they get stuck in trying to solve problems, and maybe they don't need to. I think the idea is for you not to solve a problem. You know, we it's all about the other person's experience, right? If the person's experience is showing them that they, you know what, uh, this isn't right, I don't feel right, I'm not connected, um, I'm anxious, I'm depressed, whatever it is, then we would generally see uh a lack of uh solution thinking anyway, right? As friends, we can see this happening, and we believe that we have the solution to the problem. And you might be right, and that's the hard part. Um, and it's going back to resist the thrill attached to skill, right? We might actually have the solution, but it's gonna come from your perspective and your experience, which may not actually be right for your friend. What I've found is that to be a good friend in those moments, the best way of going about that is to sit there silently with them. Right? You don't have to do anything, you don't have to say anything. Um, energetically, we're picking up on each other's energy anyway. Uh, but sometimes it's just about being there, right? I mean, daily check-ins are always good, they can be tiresome for the person checking in, but they can also be a little bit much for the other person receiving them because they feel a need to respond. Sometimes they're not up to it. Um, but letting know that letting them know that you're there is enough. Uh, I'll give you a story actually. I was working out of school and uh it was the start of the lockdowns, and I get given this kid. Now I'm not gonna use his name, just in case he's listening, right? Um, I get given this kid to add to my case, and they're like, uh, he doesn't this kid doesn't normally um engage in well-being, but we know that his parents have reached out and he's got some stuff going on. I'm like, okay. Um apparently he was experiencing some suicidal ideation, a couple other things. And I'm like, okay, so I reach out, uh, didn't get anything back. So I reach out again, didn't get anything back. Uh, and I think it was like the fourth or fifth time that I reached out um and I tried different ways of reaching out. He responded. And he's like, okay, well, um, yeah, I don't know if I need it. Okay, that's okay. Maybe don't. How about we just jump on a a quick uh video call? Uh, I think we're using Google Meet or something like that. Let's jump on a Google Meet, we'll have a chat and see where we're at. It's like, okay, so he reluctantly gets on, and let me tell you that I reckon I saw him maybe two, three times over the course of uh the lockdowns. Uh, and it was like pulling teeth. Oh my god. I I'm like, am I really bad at this? I can't get this kid to speak, and I'm I'm kicking my own ass real bad because it's like he's not he's not coming to it. Then, if you remember, then the lockdowns kind of lifted, but they only allowed the year 12s to go back to school, so nobody else could go back to school but the year 12s, and then a few weeks later they let the year sevens go through. So we go back to school, and staff had to go back to school as well. We've got masks on and all that sort of stuff, and the well-being office had all glass in front of it, so we were like in a fishbowl, and the kids would walk through the hallways and they'd be always looking in. And this kid walks past, and every time he walked past, I'd wave, and he would look down like, oh, don't look at me, don't look at me, right? And he'd be all embarrassed and whatever, and he'd walk off. Then he'd walk past again, and I'd wave again, and same same reaction. Uh, I think I caught up with him once, face to face, and it was a better conversation, but still difficult. Then the school year finishes, and they get the school band out, and they're all playing, and the all the year 12s are gathered around and they're all having a good time. And so I'll go down there and and join in and just talking to some of the kids about how they finished up, and I see this kid, and he walks over and he goes, Luke, can I talk to you? I'm like, Yeah. Um, do you want to go anywhere? No, he's good. So we're doing this in front of everybody. And I'm like, What's happening, man? And I go, Congratulations, and he says, I just need to tell you something. I go, Oh, yeah, what's that? He goes, Thank you. I go, thank you for what? You do anything, bud. And he goes, you know that at one point I actually thought I was gonna kill myself and I was locked in for it. And he said, And you helped me. I said, but but how did I help you? I go, to be fair, bud, it was like pulling teeth talking to you, man. I've had better conversations with a wall.

SPEAKER_03 11:53

It's like that scene in Goodwill hunting, you know, where he just lays back on the couch for the full hour and stares at the clock because he didn't want to talk first.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

It was a bit like that. Um but then uh he said, Yeah, but I knew I had you there. Yeah, you just being there was enough for me, and I knew you had my back. And then he he's like starts to tear up, and now I'm crying, and we're both crying, and then we hugged it out, and it was really cool. And in that moment, I recognized that um it's not always about what you do, it's a more about who you be. Who am I being in the moment with this person? And I didn't, you know, it was early days of um working in schools for me, and it was like, oh, I've got to solve everybody's problems, right? But it wasn't the case, it wasn't the problem. The problem was who am I gonna be in that moment, right? When I'm with the person, didn't have to solve anything, just had to be there. Ultimately, the this young person just solved all their problems all at once, anyway, for themselves. Um, expectations were high to perform at a certain level at school, and he was kicking goals all over the place, very um academically high. I didn't have to solve this problem, and I think that uh with friends, they do that too. I got friends that um I'll lean on it from time to time and say, Yo, I just need to talk this out. And initially, some of my friends would offer advice and solutions and stuff, and like, yo, I don't need that, I just need you to let me talk it out, I'll find it myself. But if I don't know and I don't have that experience with that young person, I let them take over, right? And I think that the best thing we can possibly do is to work out who do I need to be for this friend right now. That's it. Sometimes that means don't speak, get out of the way, don't have to solve their problem. You know, they might talk a whole lot of jargon that doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to them, right? And sometimes they'll piece it together, it'll be the worst conversation you've ever had, and be like, Oh, I didn't contribute anything, and then you'll get a message later on, and they'll go, Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

Yeah, yeah. So I think um what you're saying is less about the words you say and more about the person you become and showing up for that person, like that's almost the most important bit. I um I remember when I was at my lowest, and this was this was full-blown depressive symptoms and and probably depression, if I'm being quite frank, it's quite feminine. But I would run like a hot bath for like magnesium, and I would sit in the bath and I'd call my best mate Toppy, and he knew I was gonna ring, so I'd tell him um or my other mentor, Gavin, and I'd just talk for like an hour in the bath, and often the time I'd be inconsolable or crying. Um, it was like I was out of control, I couldn't be settled, but and it's weird because at the time, like your whole body and mind they seem to be on fire, and you can't stand, you can't sit, you don't know, you can't sleep, you don't you don't know where to be or what to do, um, and you can't function. And and exactly what you said, they didn't try to fix me or throw quick answers or solutions. They mostly just sat with me in my pain and just listened to me talk and told me that they loved me and empathized how hard it was, and they didn't have the way out. But I guess in that moment I knew that I wasn't alone and that they'd found some time for me, and that probably mattered more than anything. So, yeah, obviously I'm not a counsel, but I guess if somebody presented one of my friends presented in a similar situation, I would just have the phone to my ear and listen. And I think what the other thing you've mentioned too is it's so true where you don't always need to be fixed, sometimes you just want to be heard a little bit. People are very quick to fix. Um I think you've you've mentioned this where you almost have to ask the question, are you do you just want a vent or do you want some advice? Um I think that's a mistake that a lot of people make as well, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 15:55

Well, they jump two feet in straight away, and we're so solution oriented. Uh, you look at the school system now, teaches everybody to be very solution oriented. You look at um the workplace, very solution oriented, uh, and it's hard not to see past it. Then we have this other thing that kicks in, right? This is probably the biggest thing. The need to save. The need to save one another. What do you mean? The need to save my friend. My friend's going through a thing, I want to go and save them from it. Okay. I want to take away their pain, I want to grab a hold of them, want to hug it out of them. I want to, or if they're not moving out of their house, I want to pick them up and drag them out by the hand, right? Uh letting go of that need. Remember this. I think this is probably a good way of looking at it. When we are listening to somebody who's going through that stuff, am I about to speak out of my need or am I about to speak out of theirs? And recognizing that need and want are two different things. They may not want that information, they may need it from your perspective, but if they don't want it, they're not hearing it. Right. I I like drip feeding information, to be honest. I like questioning, allowing the discovery for themselves, not necessarily telling them what to do until they say, tell me what to do. And I say, Well, what do you think is the first thing you should do? And to them, they go off and answer the question, right? But ultimately, I didn't tell them nothing, they did it themselves. And a lot of the times when when we step in as a friend and we offer this information, we're in the way. Sometimes we just need to step back. Being a good friend, what does that look like? What do you want? If you were that person, what would you want? You know, there were times where people have said, even you, you said, just tell me what to do.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Yeah, I absolutely said that. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it. Yeah, I'm sick of listening to myself. When I listen to myself, this is how I got to this spot. So you tell me what to do, and I'll start to follow your advice.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

And I never told you what to do.

SPEAKER_03 18:22

Ooh.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

I never did.

SPEAKER_03 18:24

Sometimes you did. Nope. Sometimes you said go for a walk. Sometimes you said like if it was about regulation.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

But always came with a question first. Right? So I offer a question. Yeah. You give a response. Then I say to you, okay. Um, then I offer another generally would offer another question, you give me another response on what you could or couldn't do, and then I would fill the gap with one small step on top of. I never told you go do this thing. I always tacked on to what you already thought you could or shouldn't do or should do, you know what I mean? But I never told you do this. Never, it's not my experience, it's yours.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

Yeah. So I mean back to the question on how to be a better friend for someone who's not a counsellor, like what would the first step be?

SPEAKER_00 19:14

The first step?

SPEAKER_03 19:15

The first step is it just listening? Yeah. And then asking, like it's not asking how can I help, or it's is it just posing questions like you've just said?

SPEAKER_00 19:24

You ever watched a show called New Amsterdam?

SPEAKER_03 19:27

No.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Good show.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

You haven't watched Ted Lasso, so you watch mine, I'll watch yours. Is it about the red light district and weed?

SPEAKER_00 19:36

No, definitely not. Okay. It's uh medical show. Right. Uh, good show. Uh and they have this thing, they have this question that they ask everybody, right? And it's about a a hospital gets um gets a new uh medical director that runs the whole thing, right? And cleans up the hospital, right? And he walks in and his first question to the whole heads of all the department is how can I help? He never asked, How can I help you? What do you need? What do you want? He always asked, How can I help? And it was such an open-ended question. Uh, that is a really good way of starting that. How can I help? You know, especially if you know somebody is going to call you that is in a difficult spot. They call you, you pick up the phone, hey, how can I help? See where it goes. Uh curiosity is another big thing. Being curious around what is happening for that person, the way they're viewing the world, the way they view themselves in the world. I get that you that that sounds counselor-like, but it's not. It's human. What we lose nowadays, I think, is the uh the inclination for curiosity. We go straight into solution. Here's the problem, how quick can I solve it? Boom. There you go, go do that. Well, you didn't do it. Why didn't you do it? Oh, well, don't come to me, mate. Right? I I've seen that happen so often. How many times I've had a client walk in here and say, This is exactly what happened. It's almost word carbon copy of what I just said, right? Um, I just want to be heard. Cool. Then you should say that. Right? Um, but now we're taking, we're asking that person who's in a not quite a crisis, but a similar type of crisis for them. They're saying, we're saying to them, you need to communicate clearer to the people that are hearing you. I don't think that should ever work because that can't work. Yeah, that's so difficult. Yeah. Hard enough to put your shoes on in the morning. When you're in those states? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:38

Yes. I can tell you firsthand it is, yes. And I've said this now a number of times. I've started answering questions that you've asked me when I've been in those states and forgotten what your question is seven seconds into answering it. It is all consuming. It is so hard. So hard. Um Yeah, I've got I've got another one for you. I had a um actually we've touched on this a little bit if People have listened to all the episodes. But remember that friend I told you that they lost their baby that was real close to being born? Um But yeah, I I as I said, I forget these timelines, but I think it was about twelve months ago. It could have been longer, it could have been shorter. But he um texted me the other day. He said, uh and he won't mind me saying this, he just said, I'm trying to get out of my funk and my reclusive sort of nature, so I'm just starting to reach out to people again. Which was a really powerful move. And in that moment, I immediately had guilt. Because now we're not super close, he's not my best friend, but we've my wife and his partner are friends and we played cricket together, so we've got you know a level of connection there. Um and I guess we've been through some similar shit, um, albeit different stories. But it just made me think for if he didn't reach out to me, there's no way that I would have just off the cuff reached out to him. So I guess my question is as a friend, like do you just go thinking empathetically about who might be struggling, or or do you fire off messages randomly to your friends and touch base? Like, or if you are the person going through it, do you need to be the one to step up and find your person and and just start, I guess, asking for help in a not so direct way?

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Hmm. That's I've got a little bit to say about that, but I'm gonna try and be as uh narrow as I possibly can, okay? So uh energetically, we pick up on everybody anyway, okay? Um and most people aren't paying attention to that energy. Uh and I get that that sounds very woo-ish, if you like, but it's true. Like if I walk over here and not touch you, you will still feel my energy on you, right? That sounds a bit creepy, don't it? But that's great. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:49

What do I do with the boner? We'll cut that out. But it happened.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

Yeah. But it's happening, right? Um, it's like, you know, if you're sitting in a with that reticular activating system, when you're sitting there in a restaurant. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:02

What the fuck's that?

SPEAKER_00 24:03

Check it out, mate. Anyway, the um don't hey, don't mess with my head, mate. No, no. So it's like if you're sitting in a in a um a uh a restaurant, yeah, and you can feel something's looking at you, and then you quickly look in that one direction and you make eye contact with the person who's looking at you. Right. That's you picking up on that energy. Okay. Otherwise you wouldn't have known it was there, right? So that that's that's something that we don't really pay attention to. The other thing is that I have a rule that I learnt organically. Um, I started to test it out as it was coming up for me, and I tell you what, it couldn't be it could not be any more accurate than it is. Do tell. So if I have a thought about a person, if I have a dream about a person, if I have a feeling about a person, right, that I'm not with, I contact them straight away.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Oh straight away.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

And every single time that I've contacted them, the conversation goes this, yo, how you going? Yeah, I'm going real well. You're going well. You know what? I was thinking about you today. I just wanted to reach out and see if you're going all right. You know what? I'm glad you did. Why don't you yeah, right? And then they go into it.

SPEAKER_03 25:16

That is so interesting, it's so true. Fuck that that is there's no science behind that. How do you pick up on gut feel and like whatever is out there spiritually or whatever? And I'm not a religious person, like, or anything like that, but I think that's right. When something pops into your head, I remember a little off topic, but an interesting story. My grandmother has apparently some qualities at times where she can see kind of things, premonitions, whatever else. And my grandmother is a very smart and intelligent woman. This is not a woo-woo-wa-woo type thing, it's just a I don't know, when I know I know. And I hope I get this story right because it's fascinating. She sat up in bed one night, this was years ago, 10-15 years ago, sat up in bed one night, and reckons that she just saw this grotesque head floating above her, and she sat up and it was like as clear as day, and um, it scared the shit out of her. And the next day she received a phone call that either her father or uncle, I don't know who the person was, had died of a heart attack in the middle of the night. Wow. Yeah. So join the dots of whatever you will with that. But it's a I don't I don't understand how that happens, but it's um and I've I've often told my nan that I have similar, not quite to that level, but um it is so funny when you pick up on something, either a gut feel or something pops into your head, you're spot on. Like often it's true. Um, in fact, I think I've got a pretty similar story where I rang a friend, a girlfriend who I've known for a long time, and said, Yeah, similar story. I was I was just thinking about you. I don't know why you popped into my head, but you did. And she had just been through a miscarriage. And I didn't know, I hadn't spoken to her for a year. Yeah, wow. Now I wonder if it's you reach out and say, Hey, I'm just reaching out, and then they bring up the thing that is topical at the time, or if there's more to it. Now that's not something you can probably answer, but do you know what I mean? Like if I just reach out to you and say, Hey Luca, I've been thinking about you, do you automatically go to the well, this is the number one topic on my brain at the moment, or do you think it's potentially deeper than that?

SPEAKER_00 27:20

I think it's deeper, I think it's uh energetic personally, whether that is spiritually energetic, whether that's universal energy, whether it's just uh the univ uh the um uh the human collective energy that we can connect to each other. I don't know, and I don't care.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

I've sat down across from you, I just remember this early on, and I think you said something along the lines of are your calves tight? Because my calves are tight. What the fuck are you talking about? And yes, they are.

SPEAKER_00 27:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:52

Is that like what is is that me transposing an energy that I'm close to that you can is that is that a skill that you've got? Has everyone got the ability to do it?

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Everyone has the ability to do that. Everyone, not everybody pays attention, so I can call that out to you because um I'm my carbs weren't tight before you walked in the room, so then I pay attention to the energy and I feed it back to you because we know that um generally that'll link to an emotion. That emotion for you was more fear-centered, uh, and we can have that discussion and it unlocks you kind of look a bit like a magician, but you're not, you're just paying attention to the energy that is being um conversely shared. Um, so yeah, recognizing that it's an important bit because what you find is as a friend, if I sit next to, and this is an important thing to understand that most people don't get, okay. I know they don't get it because because out of all the clients that have come in here and had this discussion, not one of them understood it. So if I've got a friend who's experiencing anxiety or depression, and I'm sitting there next to them, you need to pay attention to what your body is doing and how it's reacting, not just your brain, but your body, what muscles are tensing up, what what's your heart rate like, those types of things, and you can scan it in seconds, it's not 30, 50 seconds, whatever, you know, a few minutes, it's seconds, right? And it can happen at like like that, really, really quick. So uh when when you're paying attention to that, you'll recognize what you're leaving with, right? When you recognize what you're leaving with. So, in the example you just gave with the calves thing, um, we've also talked about the chest, yep, where the chest has gotten tight. Um I know what I'm leaving with when you walk away or when I walk away from you. That isn't mine. Most people will walk away with it and they keep it, like it's me, but it's not you. You picked it up from somebody else. Now, how do I shed my skin of that, so to speak, right? And then we will do a whole bunch of different regulation techniques or something like that that are seconds based, they're not minutes, hours based. But you'll generally find that when you've walked away and you've moved on with your your day, those tensions will go away. But sometimes they don't, right? And that's the thing because you you might get locked into the story, and this is the important thing too. When you listen to a story, to make sense of the story, your brain has to put you as a hero in it. As soon as your brain puts your he yourself as a hero in the story you're listening to, the body starts to react and fire as if it's actually happening, even though it's not.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been there. I've um I've got one, it's a little bit off topic from the story that we started on how to be a better friend, but it is about energy. And I was trying to work out when am I going to slide this story in, but I think it's an important story, and I think you'll be a little bit proud of me in terms of my growth. So we'll just I'll just tell you what happened. And my dad listens to this show, so this story is a little bit about him. As you know, I work up at mum and dad's, and I think I'd finished up the day or something, and I'd been um I'd been weeding using one of those automatic weed sprayer things, and this thing has been playing up a little bit, and there's a certain way to do certain things. You don't drain the canister because you need to reprime it and all these different things. And I thought I'd done all the right things. When I came back out, I'd gotten dressed to leave to go home. I saw from a distance that dad had his hands around his head, which is a typical sign of he's frustrated. And I should let you know that on this particular day the sun had been shining. It was like, I think I messaged you, it was like 17 degrees. I had my shirt off, it was in a hedged area, no one could see it. It was okay, and I was getting some vitamin D and I had music going, I was listening to podcasts, and I was so happy, right? I was like, there was nowhere else I wanted to be. As mundane as the task was painting the fence, I was so happy to be there out in the sun, you know, being at my parents' property. So I was in a really good mood. And I remember thinking, I'm going all right, like I'm going all right, like my mental health's good, like I'm doing what I want to do, it's a bit structured, it's not perfect, but I'm happy. So I walked out and I saw dad. He had his hands on his head, so he was a bit frustrated. And as I approached it, I thought, oh, he's really frustrated. And he turns around and he starts to say something along the lines, If I told you not to do this, and blah blah blah, and I've been trying to fix this for the last half an hour and I can't get it, and this is not working. And previously, you talk about energy, I that energy would have rubbed straight off into me a hundred percent. I would have been at the coal face with him, and my heart rate would have risen, and I would have been like, Oh no. And because I'd had such a good day, my immediate thought was you seem to be really frustrated about this. And I just thought to myself, I didn't say this out loud, but I thought, I've had such a good day. You're not I'm not being caught up in this wave because you're frustrated. Um so I thought that was really interesting because previously, if my dad had been upset or angry, then I'm gonna be upset and angry, and we are going to go back and forth, and he's probably gonna, I think you've touched on this, but he has this is probably not the right way to say, but he puts his rage outwardly, and I don't really carry rage as it seems. You'll say I do, but mine goes inwardly. So I'm assuming he does that to blow off the steam, and by the way that he does it, I probably absorb it and then carry that, and then mine leaks out of me slowly rather than like a like a hard burst. Um, but in that moment, I'd I'd been in a good day, and I just remembered going, This is this is you problem. I get that you're frustrated, but I'm not going to get frustrated with you. You know, this is a relatively easy fix. It's a $120 new one. Um, you've spent half an hour fixing it, and he won't mind me telling this because he already knows. But I just said to him, I said, You're someone who prides yourself on efficiency and getting things done in the most efficient way possible. And you're now spending half an hour every other week to fix this thing when buying a new one will cost you $180, of which you can afford go and buy a new one. And he was like, It's not really the point, and blah blah blah. And eventually he came back in side later and he was making a coffee and he said, Yeah, so I think that canister's broken. And I said, So it wasn't my fault. And he's like, Oh well, the jury's still out. I said, Shut up, you fucking ask. I said that just say that it wasn't my fault, but um, all's about it in the world. Like, so I thought that was really interesting. Like, same situation, but and maybe it's maturity, maybe it's all of the above, learning about mental health, learning about energy, whatever it might be.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

What if it's about learning about emotional intelligence?

SPEAKER_03 34:24

Well, I think it has to be because my immediate thought was you seem to be really frustrated, and that has nothing to do with me. So you I'm gonna let you be frustrated in front of me, but I'm not I'm not getting swept up in this wave. Not this time. It's too nice of a day.

SPEAKER_00 34:36

Fair enough.

SPEAKER_03 34:36

And I laughed. And I don't often laugh because I think you said, Oh, you and your mother are exactly the same when it comes to this. And normally I would have gone and like, you know, screared like a little puppy dog with the tail between the legs and you know gone around shaking. And I don't often do this to my dad when he's going off on a bit of a rant, but I laughed. I went like that and I chuckled. Um, and I thought that was that was a good way to handle it. I haven't done that often, so that was um he'll hear this, I'm sure. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, isn't it? Yeah, so that's probably a sign of growth. Shall we move on? Let's do it. All right. So this one, uh, Luke, is rewind. Will we revisit something from last week's episode or something that's stuck with us from our DMs? We had another DM. Awesome. It's all coming in. Excellent. So I just need to get my laptop here quickly. So this one came from Simon Rogers. Now it's a bit of a longer question, but there is a question in there. It's a good start, actually. He says, long time listener, first time messenger. Nice job, fellas. Pretty engaging and well presented. Hope that helps with any validation one or more of you may need. I think you sort of met you.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Oh, yeah, for sure. Well, yeah. You.

SPEAKER_03 35:41

Yeah. Uh he said, topic-wise, I hear you talk a lot about people exploring how you feel about things and how men often don't talk about their emotions. I guess my question is, should we talk about our emotions and reflect regularly? For context, I don't look back or reflect much and I feel okay with that. But should I? I know the past shapes me, but I don't feel like I get value from looking back, reflecting, or discussing it. I am where I am and I'll be where I'll be. Often when you ask how would that make you feel, my internal answer is I don't know, no real feeling at all actually. So should I search for reflection, feeling, and discussion, or is it actually or is this actually an okay state of mind? That is the question.

SPEAKER_00 36:21

That's a good one. I think so. Yeah. It's a really good one. Uh I think it's individualized. If you're comfortable and everything's going well, cool. There's no reason to change anything, right? I mean, if it's not broken, don't play with it, man.

SPEAKER_03 36:36

What if you're naively happy? I've got some friends who are naively happy.

SPEAKER_00 36:41

But how's that impacting them?

SPEAKER_03 36:43

No, it's not. So then what's the matter? It's not. Just before you tell this story, I've got a friend who was a postman for years and somewhat of a dead end job on somewhat of a mediocre pay, it's probably fair to say. Um, and he was just the happiest bloke in the world.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

And I remember does that make it a dead end job though?

SPEAKER_03 37:00

No, no, it made it made me very jealous. I'm like, I wish I could be that happy doing something like that. Like he just was so happy. I'm like, fuck. See that with down syndrome? I'm not comparing the two, but see that with Down syndrome people and kids, like you wouldn't want their illness, but they are the happiest people on the planet. Um, anyway, continue.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

It all depends on the way you want to view things, right? I mean, and what do you want? You know. Um, yeah, okay, so I think that going to the question, I think it's individualized. If everything's going well and you're not too phased, happy to just go through life the way you're going through life, and everything's going well, what's what's there's nothing wrong with that. You don't have to reflect on anything like that. If something's happening and you're not quite sure what it is and how things may be not going too great, then maybe you want to reflect on that. And vice versa, if it's going really well, we might want to be connected to that more often, that feeling. So we might reflect on that bit too. Um when we ask, so how does that make you feel? Right, that would be more about an actual particular issue that somebody's experiencing. Doesn't necessarily mean that we have to go find something, because you might be all good. Um if you don't reflect, that's up to you. Um I wouldn't say that you have to do anything. Nothing has to be done. It's just it's a choice. Do you want it? Cool. If you don't want to and you're doing well, why mess around with it? Personally, that's just my personal opinion. Um reflection's good if you need it, right? That makes sense to you?

SPEAKER_03 38:44

Yeah, it does. I don't automatically go to my own life because you can't help but think about it, especially when you're answering that. But I think I go the other way. I think I over-reflect. I wish I reflected less. Um if if given the option of doing what Simon does, which is not reflect at all, or do what I have done for a long time, which is over-reflect, I'd definitely go with his.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Perfectionism's gonna make you do that though.

SPEAKER_03 39:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:07

Don't worry about it. Tune in to episode three where you'll hear all about perfectionism.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Well, episode four, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

Does this make sense here? Like it's uh that's what I'm saying, it's each to their own, it's up to the individual. What do you need? If you don't need that, then don't do it. If you feel like you do need it, then maybe you need to look at a a structured way of doing that that works for you. Nothing there is no blanket here that says we should all do this thing. But I don't agree with that. I think um there are a lot of concepts that I've learned through the counselling world that uh I don't do in the exact same structure that they explain to us. Uh, I've found a different way of linking it into sessions with different people that works for them. That doesn't work for me, I don't care. It's about them. When I'm with somebody else, it's about them, not about me. So um that's that's an important distinction to understand too. Why uh why am I reflecting? Do I need to? Or can I just live? Right? I don't know, roll with the punches personally.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

You always say often what works for you or what works for them, and I've got a question that I hope I can get out succinctly. But when you're in the middle of pain or anxiety or depression and those kind of things, the state of trial and error to determine what works for you when you don't have the luxury of time, or you certainly don't feel like you have the luxury of time, is infuriating. So, how do you figure out what works for you without wasting a lot of time and drifting through life just trying to get through the day-to-day grind whilst trying to figure out stuff?

SPEAKER_00 40:47

When you use language like the day-to-day grind, and then it becomes a grind. But what I would say is uh I learned this early on through my counseling journey. Uh, do self-care when it's easy, don't do it when it's hard. I said that last week. Um, make sure you do the things that um fulfill your needs. Now, the number one thing that we should always do first before we do anything else, is take care of our needs first. Always. Yep. What are my needs? What are my basic needs? It might look like having a shower, it might look like getting adequate sleep where you where we can. Um, it might be eating well, might be exercising, whatever it is that you feel there's a need for you, fulfill that need first, then look at the next thing if you need to. You may not need to. Um you might have just lost balance or lost touch with yourself, right? And so who am I now? When all this chaos is happening, who am I now? Um well if I've lost connection with that, and some people talk about losing connection with spirit being the same sort of similar thing, um connecting back to what are my basic needs, meet them. That's all that is success. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

For some people, as you know, so some people in that moment, sorry, I just go back to the bathtub where I'm I'm you know, in a bad way calling my friend. In that moment, the only thing I thought I needed was a hot bath in magnesium. Sick. Okay, so once you move through that, okay, cool, I've stopped crying, but I'm still cloudy and now I'm tired as fuck. I guess my next knee would be okay, I've got to go to bed. Yeah, right? Fair? Yeah. And then the next morning you wake up and you're sluggish, and you know, you go, fuck, that was a hard day. And then what is it? You go, okay, I might go for a walk.

SPEAKER_00 42:38

Yeah, but the biggest problem is for that person, yeah, is that they compare. So then they compare what other people are doing, not what they uh what they've done um the day before as opposed to what they're doing now. So, like um, for some people, as you know, for some people it's about putting percentages in your favor. Yeah, how do I go from having an issue that lasted years, how do I move it to months, how do I move it to weeks, how do I move it to days, how do I move to hours? Oh, yeah, right, right, gotcha. Working backwards that way, right? It's not about flipping a coin and it all works. And if I compare what I do to what other people do or how they feel, I'm always going to be critical of myself. Always. However, it doesn't have to be that way, it could just be I'm gonna compare what I did yesterday and be 10% better than what it was yesterday, 20% better than what it was yesterday. Who cares? Whatever the number it is that you want to do, work towards, but achievable, right? If I take care of my basic needs, I've got a platform to move towards. If I don't take care of those uh basic needs, forget it. It's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_03 43:49

It can't. There's the clip for that's gold. That was a good one. Um, just on that, if people are wanting to reach out and potentially get a hold of you to help them go through this stuff, how would they get a Hold of you.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Yeah, so the the easiest way is to either email me or call me. Um they can always go through the w my website, luclotet.com.au. Um there's a form there they can fill out, which in your case didn't work correctly when we first met. But uh it's all sorted.

SPEAKER_03 44:18

Lot of bumps and bruises, we got that sorted. Yep. You um you've got availability for clients if they wanted to get a hold of you.

SPEAKER_00 44:24

Yeah, absolutely. You can see that. If I don't if I don't respond to you straight away, I will I generally respond that day. I don't leave it. I don't I don't like leaving anything like that.

SPEAKER_03 44:34

Especially if someone's taken the courage to reach out, right? The last thing you want is 72 hours to go by where they go, here's another person that just doesn't give a shit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:42

Yeah, and I d I I'm not I'm not about that one. Yeah. I and uh sometimes to my detriment in terms of time, I give time. So like I will if I contact you, I'm not looking for a five-minute conversation. I will go for as long as we need to go for.

SPEAKER_03 44:59

Yeah, I can vouch for that.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Right. So um if I if you contact reach out and I call you back, um I'm expecting that this is not gonna be a quick phone call.

SPEAKER_01 45:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

That you're gonna need to we're gonna need to explore um what's happening for you to see if we're a good fit. Yeah. Because I may not be.

SPEAKER_03 45:19

And that first phone call is clearly completely free and obligation free by the sounds of it. That one's just a part of being a good person, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

And it's a part of doing business too, right? Of course, yeah. Um, yeah, anyway, but um, and I think that friends could do the same thing.

unknown 45:35

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

You know?

SPEAKER_03 45:37

Very good. All right, let's move on to the next segment, Luke's toolkit, something you can actually use. This is where we give listeners practical strategies they can try in real life, keeping it simple, actionable, and jargon-free. Luke, this week I want to lead you into this one hopefully. But can you maybe if you haven't already give us some tips for being a better friend in terms of a toolkit? Could you do that?

SPEAKER_00 45:58

Haven't we? Already gone over that.

SPEAKER_03 46:00

I know, but I like to summarize what we've done.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

Good on you. Um now you're making me rethink what I just said. So um I think being there, just being there, who am I going to be when I'm with this person? Yep. Um protect yourself as well. What am I carrying with me to a conversation? Because that's a big one. If I enter a conversation that is um that's heavy in nature with a friend, then I'm experiencing my own heavy stuff right now, and I'm literally jumping from one thing to another, don't take the call. Don't. You'll you you're just gonna create a whole bunch of other things that you may walk away with that could also lead to negative outcomes for your friend. Yeah. Alright, so do what you gotta do to wash that off before you call them, um, but always call them back. Um so please don't do that. Um and uh listen with the intent to be curious to what's happening.

SPEAKER_03 47:10

Always listen with the intent to be curious about what's happening.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Yeah, what do you mean? So if I'm um so if I'm not curious, uh my first initial response is to go and solve a problem that's in front of me. Uh but if I'm curious, I'm going to see what's underlying the problem, right? And then I can question that.

SPEAKER_03 47:33

So that is that coming back to the thing's not always the thing. Yeah, for sure. That's it. It's never, it never is. I don't care. I'm ready for my degree in counseling too well. I'll tell you what else you are good at, which made a big difference to me, and I and I've praised you for this openly, is you are terri and I don't know if you write this down or you've just got a good memory, but you are terrific at remembering details. That meant a lot to me. Like, if I'm regurgitating an hour worth of shit, and then the next time we talk, you bring up three or four different things that I mentioned, um, even the small stuff, whether or not it's you know my daughter's birthday that you might mention or something else, right? I was like, how the fuck does he remember that? Like it's it's a really good quality. And I'm just thinking, again, I don't need to say this for the 11th time, but I'm not a counselor, I'm not qualified in any way other than my own lived experience. But I'm just imagining myself if I was on the other end of the phone with a friend, and while they're talking, I could write down some things that the next time we spoke I could bring back up. I reckon that would carry the weight to with the other person of hey, he really listened. Is that is that uh uh the hands are behind the head. Is this my dad again? So oh here we go.

SPEAKER_00 48:41

I don't make any point at the whiteboard. I'll tell you my yeah, I'll tell you my process.

SPEAKER_03 48:45

Yeah. Should I write this down?

SPEAKER_00 48:47

No, okay, you'll be fine. Um I sit with somebody and I listen to what they have to say, and we we we work through our thing. The conversation happens the way it happens, right? Then I write a case note because I have to legally obligated to write a case note, but I generally write my case notes quite um quite they're quite lengthy. I put a lot of detail in them. Um and I do that for two reasons. One, so there's a lot of uh information in the record of the conversation, uh, but two, I do it for me so I can dump it, right? Once I've written that case note, uh, I have no idea what we talked about.

SPEAKER_03 49:27

So out of your head onto the page. So it's deleted from your internal RAM.

SPEAKER_00 49:31

I'm telling you, now it's gone. But what I do do, what I do do, interesting.

SPEAKER_03 49:38

What I do That's gold. We'll clip that one up. I'd say can't again.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Yeah, no, thanks. Um, what I do is my body stores the information in some way. So uh I know that sounds weird, but if I pay attention to what's happening for me while you're speaking, my body will fire in different ways. When that gets fired again when I see you, I don't know how it works, but magically that information comes back.

SPEAKER_01 50:09

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:10

So I I could be sitting with you, you'll walk in the office, and we'll be sitting there talking, and I'm like, I'm not even trying to remember what happened. Don't even, I don't even try.

unknown 50:22

Right?

SPEAKER_00 50:22

Because I'm telling you now, if I try, I will not know, I won't find it, but I I won't even try. And then you'll say something that triggers me, and then boom, there it is. Who that is, how that happens, don't ask me, I don't know. And I have to be fair, I don't care because it works for me. Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_03 50:39

There's an example like that. If you think of a song that you listened to in your childhood that comes on the radio that you haven't heard for 15, 20 years, and it comes back on, and you can sing it word for word, and you're like, how the fuck is that still stored in there? But something like them singing the music, just you're right, it flicks a switch of something tucked deep, deep, deep away in the back of your brain, and you can do it. It's it's got to be similar to that, doesn't it?

SPEAKER_00 51:01

Yeah, I reckon too, and I think the rhythm of it too. So the rhythm of the conversation generally brings up different things for me in terms of memory. Not that I have a bad memory, I think I have a reasonable red memory. Um, but I uh I don't know what it is that I'll pick that up really easily, and it look I I can appreciate it would look seamless to you. Um but I'll tell you now, in my head, you will hear the crickets.

SPEAKER_03 51:32

I'm telling you now, Homer's monkey.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Bro, I'm telling you now, and and then I'll be sitting there down and be like, oh, oh, hang on a second. That links to this. Wait, you remembered that? Okay, cool, sweet, let's use that. That's very good. Should we move on? Yeah, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

Our final segment, what three things made you happy this week? Every time I say this, you change it to appreciative. Last week you came up with two, so this week you're coming up with three. All right, so this is our weekly. Who are you?

SPEAKER_00 51:58

You're coming up with three. Who are you? Like the boss of the whole world over here. Cool. What three things? Not it's not what two things. Hey, just so you know, you put what three things. I said what put one thing. Put one.

SPEAKER_03 52:10

Your head out of your fucking ass and answer the question. Our weekly pause to notice the little things, the moment that could get lost in the chaos of life, whether it's a good coffee or a laugh you didn't expect, or a rare sleep in. So, Luke, my three things that made me happy this week. Um, the weather again, it's starting to turn, it's still some cold mornings, but there is obviously there's been a hundred studies done of this, but a correlation between the sun being out and your mood being lifted. So, um, which this isn't that so that's number one, is um, is the sun has been out this week. And we're almost, I don't want to get off topic here because I don't want this to go forever. But when does the next season start, which is spring? Yeah, is that right? When is that? Is that November 1 or is it early than that?

SPEAKER_00 52:52

Something like that. I don't know. You don't know. I don't really keep track of it.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

Okay, we might leave this, but um this might be the first winter when winter finishes that I haven't had a panic attack. Ooh. Yeah, so if I can get through this, the cold season where it's rainy and wet and gloomy and all the things that go hand in hand with winter that are the opposite of what goes on in summer, if I can get through that, that'll be a big step for me. So um anyway, I digress. Number two, I uh I played golf as I typically do. I played an early morning and got ted off about 7 a.m. And on the drive out to Keringle golf course as the sun was just rising, it was still dark. Um, what's that called? Dusk? Dusk. Is that dusk? No, just morning. Yeah, dusk. Is it dusk? Dusk is evening, isn't it? Dawn, thank you. From dusk till dawn. Yeah, so in the dawn, um, the moon was out, and I don't know if you saw the moon last week or on some of the days. The moon was massive, it felt like it was about 10 kilometers away. So um really seeing the moon in in the morning on the way to golf was really cool. Um, just a small thing, but I liked it. And number three, I went to the Impressionist painting exhibition at uh the National Gallery of Victoria, so the NGV with my best mate Toppy. So they had a big exhibition on Monet and Manet and Um Sisley and all these different Impressionist artists, French Impressionist artists, and it did something to my heart that did. I was quite overwhelmed. I'm I'm a big, I'm an art lover, obviously, but uh I've seen some museums. Uh, I've been to the Met and I've been to the Guggenheim and um uh MoMA and Mona in New York and these big galleries, and there was an exhibition. I'm not gonna say every bit as good as them, but they really took the time to get it right, and it was in the NGV in Melbourne, which is 20 minutes from my house, and I'm looking at Monet's. So um that was huge. That was better than I thought it would be. That was excellent. It was it was unreal. So those are my three. How many have you got this week?

SPEAKER_00 54:45

I got three all linked together. Okay, is that up to your standards?

SPEAKER_03 54:50

Hey, as long as you're happy with it, I'm happy.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

Matt, I was happy with two.

SPEAKER_03 54:53

Okay, well so you're not happy, right? What greater than two things made you happy this week then?

SPEAKER_00 54:58

So um uh you know, as you know, we we went up to New South Wales. Yep. Some played up there, uh, and I caught up with some friends that I haven't seen in 15, 20 years. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

So from the soft from the softball community, I should be, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:15

Yeah, some dudes I played for Australia with, um guys that I had some really fierce battles when we were juniors, um, them playing for New South Wales, me playing for Victoria. It was it was really cool to to just see them. Didn't really talk a great deal of war stories, but it was just like we picked up where we left off, so I was really, really appreciative of that. Um second thing that I would say is this is how it's all linked, is I'm really appreciative of my son's career.

SPEAKER_03 55:45

How old is he?

SPEAKER_00 55:46

He's 14.

SPEAKER_03 55:47

It's funny you talk about career when he's 14. I think career, I think back then.

SPEAKER_00 55:51

I've literally this the this morning, so we'll we got back yesterday. Um this morning I've had four messages people wanting him to go play for them, right? Across the country at different tournaments, and uh I um I'm appreciative of his career because funny enough, his career is now reconnecting me with some old friends that I hadn't seen in a long time, like I said, but um and it wasn't just this weekend, it's been throughout the last three years. Um catching up with some old people that just out of the boo I reach out to them because they're in we're in the state that they live in, and we catch up, and it was like I said, it's like we never stop speaking. It's lovely, yeah. It's awesome, man.

SPEAKER_03 56:36

Did you um I've got a question for you? Did you interrupt in my three things? Isn't isn't oh Kiko Okay, are you a coach in this or are you just a dad? Because my question is, do you have trouble separating the dad? Oh, don't even get me started, Jolly. Is it a rewind for the future? Holy shit, man. Yeah, I struggle. Well, this is for 56 minute runtime, so if you can't start. No, no, I'll keep it real quick. I'll keep it real quick.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

Uh yeah. I I uh have been coaching, yeah, and I've coached his teams uh at different levels, and this was the first tournament I'd gone to just solely as a parent. And dude, I you know how many times have to walk away from the game because I'm like looking at the defense, like if we move this guy here, move this guy here. I know how Patrick will throw it, you'll throw it here, they'll hit the ball there, and I could see it all unfolding. And I'm if we move this hitter and we adjust this, this, this, that, whatever, it'll all work out. And I'm like, oh no, resist the thrill to test your skills. Holy shit, man. It was so hard. It was so hard. I'm so proud of you. My step count way up. Really, way up last weekend, let me tell you. Way up. Um, but I didn't, I didn't do it, I didn't do it. Good. Uh shit. It was hard though. Anyway, I'll bet. Um and the the third thing that I have for me is uh I'm very appreciative of uh ACT softball uh for accepting Patrick to go and play for them this year, uh, and the families and the players that really embraced him uh welcomed him into their family, if you like. Um so thank you guys for that. I really um have a lot of respect for that. So thank you.

SPEAKER_03 58:16

That's great, mate. So that's just about it for today's show. So, in closing, would it be fair to say that being a better friend is about intention over perfection? Sometimes just sitting with them. Yep, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 58:27

Who am I being?

SPEAKER_03 58:28

Who am I being? Uh we've got a bit of a reflection prompt for the listeners. Who's someone that you could check in on today? Just like my mate reached out to me, even though he was probably the one that needed it to flick a text message. Um, and what's one small act of friendship that you can do this week? Uh so that's last one, last one.

SPEAKER_00 58:45

Yeah, go. Don't forget, if I have a thought of a person, reach out. You're having a thought for a reason. Why am I having that thought? Reach out. You'll be surprised where that conversation will lead. And it's not always gonna be hairy stuff, it could be just uh, it could be just two people thinking about each other but haven't reached out. Trust me. How many times? How many times have you had that thought? Yeah, I was gonna reach out to you the other day, then just do it, mate. You know what's holding you back, only you, so go and do it. Yeah, you'd be surprised at what that can do, and even if they give you nothing on that call, they'll walk away. I can put money on it, they'll walk away and go, that was really cool.

SPEAKER_01 59:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:28

Right? Whether they tell you or not. So um, yeah, don't do it, don't do it conditionally. Like I need a thing from the conversation. Do it unconditionally because you love them and because they love you. Yeah? Don't be afraid of that.

SPEAKER_03 59:42

Do you do you do that? Like, do you reach because I I often think about this where you're like, oh, I haven't heard from this person in a while. And then as I'm saying, I'm like, well, fucking, I haven't reached out on that person in a while. It's so much easier just to think that not other people the problem, but um you've got to it's hard with busy lives just to go in between bed and bath and cricket and golf and whatever else, making dinner and shopping and paying bills and all that, you're like, I'll just flick this person a text message.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:07

What's my priority?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:08

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:09

Just saying, what's my priority? Sometimes that calls about me because it fulfills a need for me. That's true, and it's okay. Yeah, that's why we're friends.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:20

That's true. That's true. That's it for us this week. Remember, if you want to get in contact with us, you can at life's bumpsbruises at gmail.com or hit us up via our DMs via Instagram or Facebook at Life's Bumps and Bruises and Facebook under the same name. That's it for this week, mate. Uh I'll see you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:40

Shit. All right, yeah. Thanks, Joel. I'll see you next Tuesday too, Maddie. White board. See you guys.