Life's Bumps And Bruises
Life’s Bumps and Bruises is a mental health podcast that keeps things real. Hosted by husband and wife Luke and Joanne Lee Tet — one with lived experience as a mum and HR professional, the other a registered counsellor — the show is a safe, relatable space to explore anxiety, overwhelm, parenting struggles, emotional wellbeing, and life’s messier moments. This podcast isn't about perfection, fixes, or fluff — it’s about honest conversations that normalise the struggles many people carry in silence.
We tackle the subjects that we all experience and not always discuss. Our purpose is to make people feel as though they are not alone and have practical solutions to life’s difficult moments.
Life's Bumps And Bruises
Episode 9 - Finding Purpose in the Everyday
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🧠 Purpose. It’s one of those big words that can feel overwhelming — like you need to have it all figured out before life makes sense. But what if purpose isn’t one grand destination, and instead lives in the small, everyday choices we make?
In this episode of Life’s Bumps and Bruises, Joel Sheldon sits down with Luke Lee Tet to unpack the messy, shifting nature of purpose. They talk about why purpose isn’t the same as passion, how it changes across different seasons of life, and why chasing “the one big thing” can actually leave you stuck. Instead, they explore what it looks like to live on purpose - finding meaning in the ordinary, not just in the extraordinary.
🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into:
- Making sense of purpose without the pressure
- The difference between purpose and passion
- Why your purpose can evolve with time
- Practical ways to create meaning day-to-day
📬lifesbumpsbruises@gmail.com📲Instagram: @lifesbumpsandbruises📘Facebook: Life’sBumps and Bruises
🎧 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s normalise the conversation, one real chat at a time.
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Life's full of bumps, bruises, and emotional potholes. I'm Joel Sheldon, just a bloke who's battled anxiety and depression. Joined by Luke Lettet, Counselor, Coach, and the calm to my chaos. Each week we talk real life, anxiety, overwhelm, family stuff, and those mornings when getting out of bed feels like a win. Plus, the life on the way. This is Life's Bumps and Bruises. We're glad you're here. Is an agitated look like that, LE mate? Yeah, I've been better.
SPEAKER_00Uh what's happening? Technical issues, man. Like, seriously, how hard is it for a program that you pay for to operate the way it's supposed to?
SPEAKER_05Is this episode two, three, and five again?
SPEAKER_00This is like seriously. Um, I'm about to become the Australian frisbee champion with my uh laptop. Let me give you the hot tip.
SPEAKER_04What do we do? Far out the book. We called this podcast Life's Bumps and Bruises, and God, I mean, yeah. Testing my resilience, let me give you the hot tip. Wow. Yeah. Well, hey, go back and listen to episode X. Yeah, we talk about that. Uh, mate, let's um let's how's your week been anyway? You alright? Yeah, yeah. Been apart from uh this thing. Yeah, it's been really good. Oh, you're an angry man.
SPEAKER_00I'm all Zen at the moment. Let me give the hot tip. Sure, you are.
SPEAKER_05Let's um let's recap episode eight from Overwhelmed to Burnout, Stress at Work Unpacked. Uh, this is where we dove headfirst into the messy reality of workplace stress, how it creeps in, builds up, and eventually tips into burn it if we ignore the warning signs. Uh, I shared my own story of moving into mortgage broking, where the constant pressure and steep learning curve eventually left me unable to complete even a simple task that I had done a thousand times before, so that was fun. Uh, and the breaking point turned out to be a diagnosis of clinical burnouts, a reminder that our bodies will step in and shut us down when we don't listen. Luke, uh, in that episode you also unpacked different layers of stress at work from the culture and environment we're in to the roles that we take on and the responsibilities we carry ourselves. And we also explored why so many Australians, up to 81%, according to recent data, struggling with burnout, the Sunday night dread and quiet quitting trend.
SPEAKER_00Can I just say my wife listened to that that episode?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And she's like, Do you know what? I'm really proud of you. I'm like, why's that? She goes, You defended HR. And I'm like, Oh, you know, I'll do my best. She's like, and I go, did it did it come out the way it the way I was intending to? And she's like, Yeah, 100%. She goes, I really liked it. She goes, it was good to um have the process discussed in in a sense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Um, yeah, it was just good. Uh big pat on the back. Yeah. Even got a cuddle, it was really good.
SPEAKER_05Oh, terrific. I remember saying um something alongside, yeah, look, I've had a great uh relationship with HR, and I was telling you this story, and you went, well, yes and no, and then you went on your your uh your defensive, which was fair enough. Yeah, your wife is a HR person.
SPEAKER_00No, it's not just that. I I've had my own, uh, for those that know me, would know that I've had my own challenges with HR. Uh and I've had to learn how to um navigate that. So that's really where it's come from.
SPEAKER_05Fair enough. I've got a couple of stories for you, for Joel's stories, second zero. Yeah. Uh the first one you used to be, I'm assuming you used to do story time with your kids when they were growing up. Actually, you still probably do with Amelia.
SPEAKER_04Amelia?
SPEAKER_05Amelia, yeah. Amelia, thank you. Got that one right. Uh so we're doing story time with my daughter Harley, and she picks out two books, and I know we read one, and my wife reads another. And a couple of nights ago, she chose Where's Wally? Now there's probably 15 pages of Where's Wally in there, and I said, Well, we're not doing everything, just pick um pick two pages and we'll and we'll do that, or three pages, I think we do. So she picks this particular page and we're going through and we're trying to find Wally. And for the life of me, we cannot find him. So eventually, after just the scattered sort of approach, I'm like, no, I'm gonna walk work through this um systematically, and I start going, I imagine a big grid over the pages, and I start going through block by block, centimetre by centimetre, you know, up and down left to right. And I'm like, I cannot find Wally, neither can my daughter. Eventually, we bite the bullet, I yell out to my wife, I say, Can you come down and help us find where's Wally? We cannot find him. She comes down, she grabs the page or the book, she opens it up, she looks at it, she goes, You guys are idiots. I said, What do you mean? And she said, This is the middle of the book. Harley ripped that page out two years ago. You have been looking on two separate pages.
SPEAKER_01Oh, no way.
SPEAKER_05So both of them similar colour schemes. Obviously, it's a scattered sort of layout, and uh, yeah, whatever it was, Wally was on a page that we weren't currently looking at, so we were no chance, we'd still be there. Lucky you made it in, yeah. Well, exactly. Yeah, so that's the first one. The uh the second one, just a funny little quip. I don't know what you do with egg shells when you crack them, but we have this habit in our house of we'll take the egg box over near the stove and then crack an egg and then just leave the shell often in the box until we want to deal with it. So this really yeah, that's different. What do you do?
SPEAKER_00I just throw them out, mate.
SPEAKER_05Oh yeah, you're normal. So this particular time, um, I've gone through about five or six eggshells and we've left them in the box because we're tired. I've got my headphones on, I've got my bow's headphones, and I'm fully immersed in the music. I'll say music, I was probably listening to us to be fair. Number one listener. Number one listener between the category of 35 to 40, yeah. And uh so yeah, I'm making eggs and there's you know three good eggs in there, and there's six eggshells. So I get out the compost bin and I start throwing in these eggshells and one by one. And I finished the eggshells and then I just started throwing out like eggs.
SPEAKER_00What full eggs?
SPEAKER_05Full eggs, yeah. No, so not the shells. I just basically went through the eggshells first in the compost bin and then just started grabbing complete eggs and throwing them into the compost bin. So I went through about four or four complete eggs before I realised what I'd done.
SPEAKER_00I'm not sure if anybody else can hear because somebody getting murdered out there. Yeah, we're we're we're we're recording in our office and in the waiting bay at the front or the waiting area, the foyer, there is a kid absolutely losing their shit.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, we spoke about this last week. What would you do? If you were out there right now, what would you do? I don't know.
SPEAKER_00Uh if I had a pillow. You'd fill it with bricks. Yeah, yeah, something like that.
SPEAKER_05Should we uh should we get into unpack that and jump into it?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, let's do it.
SPEAKER_05So, this is where I pose a story, a scenario, or a moment for you to break down. Luke, last week, obviously, as discussed, we spoke about workplace stress and how the environment plays a huge role in our happiness. This week, mate, I want to go a little bit deeper and unpack the idea of purpose, which I think leads really well on from last week's episode. You've probably heard the old saying, um, choose a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life. You've obviously found something that you are passionate and you consider that to be your purpose. And on one hand, I am probably jealous, and on the other hand, I am curious. So I did a little bit more research because I've been starting to find some data. And in the 2022 Australian Community Survey, whatever that is, NCLS research asked Australians about their sense of purpose and their hope for the future. So the data on that came back that when asked if they agree that their life has a sense of purpose, 65% around two-thirds, which is not bad, of Australians surveyed agreed their life has a sense of purpose. 23% were unsure, and 12% felt that they did not have a sense of purpose. Now, obviously, finding purpose in life is more than a cliche, and learning how to live your life with purpose can lead to a sense of control, satisfaction, and general contentment. I think that's fair enough. Yep. And feeling like what you do is worthwhile is arguably a significant key to a happy life, but what this means is clearly different for each person, um, and it's not always easy just to figure out what drives you. Um, furthermore, as you are aware, I have engaged a career counseling service to help me figure out what my own path might be and what that might look like. We are recording on a Tuesday, as we always do, um, that is on a Friday. So next episode I'll be able to, or the episode after, I'll be able to report back how that all went. So if I am asking you a question to start to unpack this for us, is it normal to not know what your purpose is? I would love to know how you figured that out, whether or not it was complete trial and error. Um, and maybe what are some practical ways people can start to move closer to meaningful work or their true calling, whatever that means.
SPEAKER_00Right. Purpose is interesting because a lot of the the stuff that comes out about purpose is all uh philosophical, and I like the philosophy around lots of things, but where's the practicality in it, right? Uh how did I find my purpose? I'm not sure if I really have found my 100% purpose, but I will say this uh I studied the thing that I was interested in. So for me, I had some issues around identity, I had some issues around uh uh wanting to be a better sporting coach. So I studied life coaching. That's where it started for me, I don't know, 15 years ago or something like that. All right. Uh and then one thing led to another. So when we think about purpose, I like to think of intention. The problem is, is when most people think about purpose, they think about the long-term effects of purpose. So, what am I gonna do for the rest of my life?
SPEAKER_05Big picture.
SPEAKER_00It's too big. Yeah, that's ridiculous, right? Like that that's absurd, really, when you think about it.
SPEAKER_05Overwhelming thinking about it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Fuck you. I mean, like you think about it, yeah. Uh each time we we take a step forward or we learn something new, we are a different person now. And so if we're different, then uh the intention's different behind how we want to live our lives, and there's so much around that, right? So then why would I look at my purpose as a long-term thing? Why can't it be just my purpose right now? What's the purpose of this right now? And essentially, the way I look at it is intention. What is the intention I'm gonna set for myself now based on what I value most in myself, not externally, but in myself. What do I value most in myself? What are my strengths? All those types of things, right? We set the intention. Uh, I like visualization. The reason why I like visualization is not because of the airy-fairy style of visualization, oh, you're putting it out there to the universe and all that sort of stuff, even though that is an important part of everything, because I believe we all are energetic. Uh, however, when we visualize, because our body and our mind doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, the body makes it real. So then your muscles fire as if you're actually doing it. So uh that's how we can set an intention through visualization. It's not just putting it out there, uh, which is I know has been said and spoken about a lot. It's more than that.
SPEAKER_05Like manifestation. Is that what you're talking about?
SPEAKER_00Well, how do you manifest if you're not actually experiencing it? So that's one area, right? The next area I like is uh what is the emotion I want to experience regularly? That's an intention. Can you explain you explain that? Yeah, so like uh some people want to feel excited, some people want to feel connected, some people want to um feel like they belong to something bigger than themselves when I go to work or when they go on coach or when they volunteer or whatever it is that they that they you're into. Um that's that's kind of what they're looking for. So how do I get more of that feeling, that emotion? Right? That we are emotion, emotional beings. So emotions drive us, right? And then we have thoughts around that. That's okay. But the idea is what is the emotion I want to feel? Because that is a driving force, it's a great motivator to move us towards something. And so when we're looking at visualization, because the body doesn't know the difference between imagination and reality, I mean you would have probably done this, surely. You've gone home, you're driving home, and you're expecting to have an argument with your missus, right? Why'd you pick that example? Because it's the easiest one for people to connect to, yeah. Um, whether that's with your partner, wife, husband, whatever, or even your kids, all right? So then you you rehearse that argument in the car. Yeah, where you're playing both sides of the argument.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, okay. How many times have you done that? Yeah. Legit, right? So um probably getting on the offense for my defense for having stuffed up. I'm gonna have all of the answers. Yeah, unlocked and loaded. Yeah, read your game. Fuck it, I'm gonna start it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, 100%. But that's what happens, right? So then you've already played it out. If you're paying attention, you'll notice that you're getting emotions attached to the thought process and the visualization you're having, that rehearsing, right? So then as I rehearse, my body then builds up all that emotion, builds up all that tension, my muscles fire as if I'm in an argument. You might even notice that you're sitting and standing differently, you might walk differently if you're having that thought, right? And then you roll up into your house, and then all of a sudden it's on. It's like WWE wrestling over here, right? It's on. And uh, and then you're like, then you say to yourself, see, I told you so. Right. So what if we used it in the other way around, right? A good way, yeah, a positive way, right? Right. So, what is the emotion I want to feel? Yeah, and then how do I uh set the intention to feel that in a work role? Now, uh, if we are visualizing ourselves doing that thing and experiencing those emotions and values and all that sort of stuff, the mind has a funny way of piecing together story. We need to get out of our story, our every day-to-day story, because it impacts us, that's a different conversation. But if we're looking at uh purpose, we could look at where it is that I want to go, what it is that I want to feel, and then as the story starts to unfold, you'll notice that the story gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, and all of a sudden you've left one place and gone to another, right? Or you're coaching one team and you're coaching a different one now, right? And now the pitch is bigger, better, more um, more connected to what it is you want to feel.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Right? I mean, you would have done it with sport, right? Yeah, 100% you would have done it how many times with sport. So uh nobody ever really makes like let's just use sport as an example, right? Sure. Or an executive. Yeah, nobody gets into those roles or into those teams if they haven't first seen it in their mind. They have to believe that they can get there, it just doesn't fall in your lap. So then um, how do how do you go about that? They visualize it, they rehearse it. How do I practice living my purpose? How often do you do that, Jolly?
SPEAKER_05Practice living my purpose. Yep. Uh I'm not sure. How often ask me a better question, like when I can actually answer.
SPEAKER_00Okay. Well, how often do you go to cricket training?
SPEAKER_05I yeah, well, I should be going twice a week, but definitely once a week. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So then you go to that. Yeah. How often do you uh sit and understand and recognise and acknowledge the emotions you want to feel, yeah, the life you want to live, and rehearse that in your mind?
SPEAKER_05I absolutely do it in sport and I absolutely don't do it in life. And I think you and I have discussed this off air. I think that's because maybe because cricket is a game played within an eight-hour window, a seven-hour window. I've seen enough games where the I know what the end point is that I can reverse engineer things enough in my brain where I go, okay, I've seen this story before, I know which direction this is heading, and I can I've often done this with my wife. She still gets amazed by it when I can be watching Test cricket, and I can tell by the way that a batsman's holding the bat, whether he's gripping too hard, or I can see in his eyes, and I can like whatever else, and I can predict a play. Now, Ricky Ponding does this better than anyone in the world, but I will say to Tamika, this is gonna be a wicked year in the next few balls, or this one's going over deep backwards square, and it'll happen. And she'll go, how do you know that? I go, I've seen it happen. I I know the areas they're trying to target, I know what the bowlers are thinking where they're trying to target, and you can see it from both perspectives, and then I'm like, Well, who's got the upper hand? Who's most likely going to win this? And then I can see it unfold. With life, I can't reverse engineer it because I I can't think. Well, you might you might contradict me here, but I can't think from 70, 80 years old and work backwards and go, well, where do I want to get to? I struggle to do that.
SPEAKER_00Well, why do you need to? You're 40 this year, right?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I am.
SPEAKER_00So why do you need to look that far ahead? You know, when we when we're thinking about purpose, and that's what I'm saying before, that we look at purpose and go, okay, well, I have to reverse engineer it or something like that. And I'm gonna think long, long, long term. I've got to do this the rest of my life. Do you know how hard that is to commit to? Right? That's that's just off the charts.
SPEAKER_05It's uh it's overwhelming. And and I know because I I do this. You talk about lived experience, I do this, I become overwhelmed, and then I become stuck, and then I have trouble taking even the first step because it's like you're always at the base of the mountain rather than go, okay, I've just got to take this next step, and that'll eventually over time lead me closer to where I need to be.
SPEAKER_00Well, what what if you were just looking at everything from a five-year, three-year, one-year, six-month perspective? Why does it have to be so far away? Remember that as you go through things and you do it, you you're moving between jobs or you're moving between um friends or family members, whatever, as you're moving through all that, you're learning and growing on your own, you're contributing, you're doing everything differently, and that that's tacking on to who I am now, which means I'm different now. With each experience, I'm different now. That's why I like the 80-20 rule for m for and I instill it in the the counseling I do and the kinesiology I do, is because I I I give 80% to the client and I always leave 20% for them to give to me so that I'm aware that this person is about to teach me something. Then I'm different now, right? So that means my purpose is slightly different now. Where I'm going is slightly different now. What I want to learn is something different now.
SPEAKER_05Well, you're slightly more upskilled or better educated or wiser or wisdomless.
SPEAKER_00I love this one, right? When when someone comes in, they say, Yo, help me out with this thing. Right. Uh tell me what to do. And like, well, what are you into? Right, let's just say it's somebody with anxiety, because it's an easy one, right? And I go, okay, what are you into? And they go, Oh, I'm into cars, I'm into sport, I'm into whatever, right? And I go, Well, actually, what if you're actually into anxiety?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, well, you I know you are talking to me, but I know you're also talking at me. But yeah.
SPEAKER_00No, it's not even just about you. I reckon it's it nearly every single client that comes in here. It's like, well, okay, if that's the case, go study that, right? And then once you've studied it and you understand it differently, then you'll be able to approach it differently, right? And then you'll be able to give it to somebody else. But then after you've done that, you're different now. So the purpose that you had before is different now to what it was before, and that's okay. But what what is it that I I'm into? What is it that I would like to learn more about? It might be you, you might want to learn more about you. I would suggest that everybody start there. Learn more about you. How can I do that? Well, what is the emotions that I generally feel most of the time? Uh let's just say it's rage or anger, aggression, anxiety, depression, whatever. Go and study it. Like there's so many short courses out there that cost you 20, 30, 50 bucks, then get some level of information you didn't have before. And now that I have this, my purpose is different. Before the purpose was to feel trapped, um, stuck, not able to move, and now it's different. So now I can see a light of the antenna, I can move forward, right? But what does that look like? Who knows? And it's okay, right? What's the purpose behind it? The purpose is now I'm out of that funk and now I get to create. I love this one. I love create people that call themselves creative people, right? You're gonna say, Oh, you're talking to me now, right?
SPEAKER_05Um, I've already said that once in the last three minutes, so here you go.
SPEAKER_00Creative people that don't create. Right. I find that really interesting. What's the purpose behind not creating now? Because I'm afraid of what the outcome could be. Okay, cool. That's okay, right? Well then what are you gonna do about that? Well, that's why I'm coming to you. Tell me what to do. I hear that all the time. And then it's like, okay, well, um what do you need to study to help you get out of this funk? You can't just go to a counselor and say, solve my problem. It's not gonna happen, right? And even if it does, and we're able to get through it all, what are you lifting? What weight are you lifting? And it's the same thing with purpose. What weight am I lifting? Who am I going to be? Who do I want to be? Who am I now? So we're studying ourselves in that moment anyway. So go learn more about how you can connect more to the emotions, which are the motivators behind who I want to be and the purpose and that I want to live. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, it does. The other thing that sh I think you and I have discussed previously, I'd like to get your take on it, but uh, we've done different personality tests to understand yourself better. Can you maybe explain like what useful tools are out there to help self discovery and whatever else?
SPEAKER_00I am not necessarily a big fan of personality uh stuff because it's a bit like medication, right? So let's just say I get a diagnosis of ADHD, I get medication, and I play up and I have a poor behavior, then you see this all the time. Then they then that person then blames, oh that's just my ADHD, or that's just the medication I'm on. And that could be a level of that for sure. But now we're not taking any responsibility for it. Where if we do personality tests, um, we we do the same thing. Oh, that's just because of this anagram that I did, it told me everything I need to know, and that's why I don't I don't like about that. Uh I think uh the disc profiling is probably the closest one from uh um uh what's it called uh evidence-based, it's probably the the best one, and even that it's still not 90%, it's below 90% accuracy. I like strengths, so like gallop strengths, gallop, gallop, yeah. Gallop uh G-A-L-L-A-P, I think it is. Maybe UP. Up, maybe yeah, Gallop. Okay, yeah. Um, so what have they got?
SPEAKER_05They've got strengths, yeah.
SPEAKER_00So they've got their own strengths finder.
SPEAKER_05Yeah.
SPEAKER_00If you check out their website, they have 34 strengths, just like every other strengths program. Uh they can give you a top five. What I noticed with that was, and this is where I would say my purpose changed, was when I did the Gallup Strengths Finder. Yeah, and I found that my top five, I can't remember. These aren't in the exact order except for the first one. The first one was Learner, which was really interesting because I didn't pass a year of high school. Um I actually just on that, I've been wanting to tell you this.
SPEAKER_05I've missed it from about five episodes. Do you remember a while back you said not everyone wants to be therapized?
SPEAKER_00Therapized, yeah.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, and I hung shit on you because you went to the school of hard knocks and I went to a private school. Therapise is a word. I'm telling you. I know. I'm sorry to give you too much credit. You had no idea it was a word when you said it. Okay.
SPEAKER_00I've heard it before. I'll do what you do.
SPEAKER_05Okay, mate.
SPEAKER_00Good idea. Yeah. Uh so Lunar was my first one. Um, I think I had Activator, which was all about activating people and myself, um, strategic, futuristic, and command.
SPEAKER_04Okay.
SPEAKER_00And when I was when I unpacked it all, it worked out that uh my command was what I was using the most of the time. And it was overbearing. It was a hundred percent overbearing, and sometimes it still is. Um, but what I learned about it was, and this is where things changed a lot, was learner. Right. So when I got bored, or when I got I felt like um I felt like I couldn't sit still, I needed to go learn something. That gave me a whole different take on it. So then what did I want to learn? Given that I was a terrible learner, uh, could barely read at you know 24, 25, whatever I was. Um, and so I'm like, oh, I want to learn more about how I could be a better communicator, want to learn more about how I could more emotionally regulate myself, uh, be a little bit more connected, um, future think a little bit differently in terms of actionable steps instead of just having a big picture. Um, and so I started reading Tony Robbins and started reading um a whole bunch of things. There was one book um that I started to read, what was it that I read? Um Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. That was a good one, a very good one for me. Um and it there's a whole bunch of them. And then I as I started to learn that stuff that then took me into a different realm. So I started to learn more about uh who I wanted to become now and what things I wanted to learn and who I wanted to be in general, and so then and then what I wanted to give. And that changed everything for me. So yeah, when we think about purpose, it's more about what do I want to who I want to be uh and then is there things that I need to study a little bit more about myself? Um, because that that learning that I did put me just one foot in front of the other that led me to where I am now, and I wouldn't give up what I got now. I really, really enjoy what I do. Um, is it my purpose? I don't know. It is right now, but is it my long-term purpose in 20 years? No idea, man. And I don't care because I'm not living for 20 years, I'm living for now, right? Um, so that's just the way I see it. I think um the philosophy around purpose kind of gets lost because everyone's like, oh, what actions do I need to take? What do I need to do? Study the things you're interested in, man.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that's that's what I want to know. That's what I'm trying to figure out. Whilst you were talking about that, I actually banged away on my laptop, so sorry if that came through. But I've actually done the Gallup test. It's actually called Clifton Strengths. Clifton Strengths, that's right. That's it. So my do you want to know my top five were? Yep, go on. Actually, what what are you what'd you guess? You got any guesses?
SPEAKER_00Relator will be in there.
SPEAKER_05Oh fuck, you've nailed it. Relator is one.
SPEAKER_00What's another one?
SPEAKER_05Um gee, you know me better than I know me. Creator? No. Uh yeah you're pretty close. So relator was one, which is you enjoy close relationships with others, you find deep satisfaction in working hard with friends to achieve a goal, which I believe to be true, obviously. That's probably why the reports are good. Ideation. Number two was ideation. All right.
SPEAKER_04Uh who wins the grand final? Give me the grand final winner and the brown lemetalist, because you're on fire at the moment. Actually, by the time this goes to air, that'll already have happened.
SPEAKER_05So I will say congratulations, Nick Dacos, and the Geelong Cats. Oh, there we go. Let's see how close I am. Um, you are fascinated. So number two was ideation. You are fascinated by ideas. You're able to find connections between seemingly this word is disparate phenomena. I don't know what disparate means. Number three was woo.
SPEAKER_00Woo, that's it. Yeah, you love communicator in there?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, you're far out. Number three was woo. You love the challenge of meeting new people and winning them over. You derive satisfaction from breaking the ice, making a connection with someone. Number four was communication. You generally find it easy to put your thoughts into words. You're a good conversationalist and presenter and terrific podcaster. I made that. Oh, there we go. Number five is competition. You measure your progress against performance of others, you strive to win first place and revel in contests. So, um and you know what I'm ashamed of, Luke? I don't know if shame's the right word. But even after doing this, I'm not sure if I've done anything with it. Like I go ahead and do these things because it's a good step to take, but then that kind of what's next mentality of well, how does it drive me close to my purpose? I'm not I'm quite embarrassed to say that I then get a bit overwhelmed and don't get started and don't know what to make of it and don't know what to do with this.
SPEAKER_00And and that's really where uh unpacking it with somebody is really important. Now, when you get the Clifton strengths from memory, you get a whole bunch of uh documentation around each strength, and then you can do it.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so that was about a 35-page document in the air, and that was obviously just the cover page, but it does just like all the other strengths stuff.
SPEAKER_00But I like that one because it's very, very accurate. Some of the others are still accurate to a degree, but they're less actionable. Um, and from memory, it's like to be a Clifton Strengths coach, it's like an eight grand, nine grand um uh study. It's actually quite expensive. But um, how do you put that in play is really really important, I think. Correct.
SPEAKER_05Well, I'll just I won't I'm not going through all of them, but like on the first one where it says relator, the first the report comes back with how you can thrive. So it says, you know, you enjoy a close relationship with others, you find deep satisfaction working out with friends to achieve a goal. We said that.
SPEAKER_00But that one there, yeah. Sorry to cut you off. That's okay. But that one there, we could and this is why you need to get them unpacked. Um and I'm not sure if you remember this. Because we kind of did unpack that for you. Um when you when you look at relator, close relationships doesn't mean that I control the relationships with filling the space with all of what I got to say. It's more about how do I listen and interpret what somebody else is trying to say to me.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00And and then you know, feeding off that so that I'm building the relationship. There's a purpose in that, right? Uh the purpose of uh let's just say I have issues with control and fear. The more I talk, the more control I feel I have, but it's actually the opposite way because the other person's like, Thank you, see ya.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00So, how do I listen more to ascertain where that person's at?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, so again, I'll I'll just go through the because this is obviously they've got the top, what's the 34 different profiles, and then these are my top four or five, whatever it is. Yeah, and obviously this is number one, but it says why your relator is unique, so driven by your talents, you like to partner with the same people over and over again. When you spend more time with your teammates, it's probably easier to pinpoint the unique talents, special interests, work styles, etc. Then it gives in information about why you succeed using relator. You naturally form genuine and mutually rewarding one-on-one relationships, etc. etc. And then on the third page of the same to same one, it says, you know, taking action to maximize your potential potential, try to get one-on-one time with people rather than attempting to connect with them in a group, stay in contact with your friends no matter how busy you are, your close relationships energize you. It tells you blind spots, which is interesting. So, because relators typically do not trust others implicitly, and people have to earn your trust over time. Some may think you are hard to get to know, be aware of this perception with new people you meet as well as people you see every day. I think that is spot on. Yeah, I think I either make a terrific first impression or a horrible first impression. People quite, I think the term would be polarizing. They either they either go, fuck that C, or no, he's a good bloke, you don't understand him. Like, wait till you get to know him. So um, yeah, obviously incredibly accurate.
SPEAKER_00Um Yeah, and there's a lot of protection protection mechanisms around those strengths, yeah. Which means you're not utilizing them, right? You're bulking them in a sense, right? So if we're doing relator and then you had woo in there as well, the two of them together can form friendships and relationships really, really easily, which means how do I and there's another strength on there that you didn't have in your top five, but there's one in the Clifton Strengths uh connector.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_00Um if you had those three, you could rule relationship world. Yeah, legit. Legit.
SPEAKER_05So I'll I'll whiz through these, but yeah, the the the 34 strengths are relator, ideation, woo, communication, competition, strategic, individualization, positivity, adaptability, developer, futuristic, empathy, maximizer, significance, harmony, achiever, self-assurance, focus, context, activator, input, connectedness, intellection, whatever that means. I assume it's got something to do with intelligence, restorative belief, deliberative command, arranger, analytical, learner, responsibility, discipline, consistency, includer, fucking L. So it's quite like it's excessive.
SPEAKER_00So I'll give you an example of how it can work, right? So my wife did it too. Yeah. I can't remember them all. Um, but she had um responsibility, I think it was, and uh geez, what was it? Uh a ranger.
SPEAKER_05Yep. Um, so so those are 31 and 28 on lines, they are really close to the bottom. So me and your wife are very different in that regard.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, you are anyway. But the um the um I hope you are because I'm dating you, Jolly. But I I would say this, yeah. Uh I would say that what changed when after we did that and we understood the strengths themselves was if we're going away on a holiday, she arranges it. If we're having a party, she arranges it. I'll do all the doing bit around the outside of it, but she's very, very good at that. It's a strength of her. So when I put her into her strength, she just smashes it out, and it's in the best um, and we get the best outcomes. If I arrange it, let me tell you from memory, arranger sits at the bottom for me, all right? Yeah, if I arrange shit, forget it. Yeah. Uh, because I'll make shit up on the spot. I'm okay with that, right? But for her, it's not. She needs to have a plan. When she plans it out, it the outcomes are so much better.
SPEAKER_05So we discussed that in previous episodes in our relationship, how Tamika and I have our clearly defined roles, and that just comes back to this Clifton Strengths type thing, isn't it? Who's better at what? And okay, you'd be the CEO of that particular task and no one gets in your way.
SPEAKER_00But then when you look at the purpose behind it, there is purpose behind all of that when you're living those strengths. Yeah, that's the point. That's the point of what we're talking about. We're not just so that everybody is aware, we're not getting paid by uh Gallup to this, right?
SPEAKER_04Not after this ad. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00But uh, but it was just something that we both connected to. Uh I connected with it, oh geez. I don't know, maybe 10 years ago.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Uh maybe a bit longer. Um but and when it was presented to me, like, wow, I could see the people in the way I'm going about my own stuff.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I learned so much about myself in there. So it changed the purpose in which I I went about myself.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00I still forget you know, time to time. But uh the hardest part was like getting moving in that space.
SPEAKER_05Well, that's what I want to ask you right now. So this uh sorry if you slap me between the eyes and say, fuck Joel, have you been listening? But let's say someone goes out, they want to understand themselves better, they do this test or any other test. Let's, you know, let's not a Gallup and Clifton Shrenh sort of um advertisement here, but let's assume it is that one because that's what we're talking about. How do you then take that document as intensive as it is, and do something with it so that it's more in line with your purpose, which is what this whole conversation is about. Like, what is what is the next action? Do you take it to accounts or do you take it to a confidant or a mentor and say, Well, fuck, where two from here? Because I struggled with the where to from here.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because you don't have an intention behind it. Okay, and and that's the thing, like it, like I said at the start of this episode, it's all about intention. Yeah, what's the intention behind me doing this thing? If I'm doing it just to tick a box to say I've done it and I've learned something new and all that sort of stuff, then it's not really going to be helpful. If I'm going to get it unpacked, I need to get it unpacked with somebody who understands it for sure. Not everybody understands every single thing because there's so many of them out there, but it's more about you know, you know, who can I connect with that can unpack this? Um, and sometimes it's more about the person who does it having the discussion around uh how that can fit into their life. You're already that anyway. Yeah, but how can I live the other side that I'm probably not living right now? And having that discussion out loud with somebody else who can listen, take it in, and then feedback went forward, then it's important. If if I was just doing that with my wife, forget it, we wouldn't get anywhere. That's the truth of it, because um that's not her strength, right? But I I went and had it, I got my stuff unpacked with somebody else who gave me so much insight into that, and then hit me in between the eyes and said, Yo, this is where you're you're um not living this strength. This is how you're not living up to your potential, right? And that that was uh an eye-opener for me, changed everything for me, and set, like I said, set me down a path at where I am now. So the initial phases of implementing something like this, it's like a locomotive trying to get started.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, slightly the station and build up.
SPEAKER_00But you but I I always found it interesting that people give up. Do you realize who who you're giving up on?
SPEAKER_05Yourself.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, man. Are you that far down your values list that you're gonna give up on you? That's really interesting. Why would we block that? And there's a whole different reasons why we could block that, and they're okay. It's okay. They're they're protection mechanisms you put in place um for whatever reason, okay? Not all of it has to be traumatic. Yeah. But um I think that if you as soon as you give up on you, you will have no purpose. Your actual purpose might be to demoralize yourself or lock yourself up. If you don't give up on you, then you can see at the first, I don't know, for me it will happen the the initial changes start to happen pretty quickly. But if you can see at the first 60 to 90 days, uh some really good things happen. Some really eye-openers. Here's the other thing.
SPEAKER_05It's a bit like going to the gym, isn't it? For the first week it's just painful and you see nothing. And you're like, fuck, why am I doing this if nothing is changing? And it if you stick at it and you look back six months from now, you look back to where you started and you go, huh, I didn't notice these changes were happening because it's incremental and I'm around myself all the time.
SPEAKER_00What about this one, Jolly?
SPEAKER_05What do you got for me? I like the way you're looking at me.
SPEAKER_00For how long have you been doing the opposite? Right? How quick do you think it's gonna take for you to get on the other side? Right? It's not like a pill, right? Even uh some antidepressants don't work straight away. They they take time to build up in your system.
SPEAKER_05They got a half-life or shelf, whatever they call it, and it takes time to build up.
SPEAKER_00And then it and then the washout period for those things are you know 120 days, roughly, maybe even longer. So if that's the case and you've been practicing this way of being for so long, understand it's not a one-day, one week thing that I have to undo that. For you could have been doing this for years, right? 60 to 90 days, do you think you could give that up? And the answer is yes, you could, because you've been doing it for however many long, how many years you've been doing it for. So um the choice is yours. Which one is at my highest value? Is that me? Or is that the version of me that I'm saying I don't like?
SPEAKER_05Yeah, that has no purpose. I like that. So from what you basically said, I I wrote this comment down, it was some research to do, but sometimes purpose, tell me if you agree with this statement, but sometimes purpose isn't found in what you do, but maybe how you do it. Because it's a is it a reframing of the mind that you know you can find joy in different things that you otherwise may not have, or like is that do you believe in that?
SPEAKER_00I'll change one word. Yeah, not how you do it, but who you being. Okay. Right, who am I being? Because who am I being in this moment changes what I do and how I go about it. If I just worry about the how, I'm gonna be stuck there forever because the how can look so so big, right? But if I just worry about if I if I not worry, but more if I focus more on who am I being or who am I becoming, sure, that's an emotion, that's a driver, that's a motivator.
SPEAKER_05So am I moving closer to the person that I want to become with the current actions that I'm doing? Is that fair? Yeah. Yeah. All right, so we're we're almost going to close this one out, but without going over the whole thing again, if someone is listening to this right now and feels lost or stuck, what's one small thing you think they can do this week to start moving closer to either meaningful work or their sense of purpose? One small thing. Yeah, like what's a small actionable task?
SPEAKER_00A small actionable task. Being more connected to yourself, what does that look like? A little more about you, right? What is it that you're really interested in? It's not all about self-help books, right? It's more about um we all know the things we dislike about ourselves. But do we know the things that we like about ourselves? Right? So if I like this part of me, why don't I connect more to it instead of the thing that I don't like? That I beat myself up every day over the fact that I did this or said this thing, why can't I be more like who I want to become? I think that's an important thing to understand. Don't worry about the rest of it. What you don't like, who cares? What what you should care about is more about who I am, who I want to become. Um, the good things about me, the strengths that I have, they're the things that I should care more about because that will push you in the the direction you want to go in. Here's the thing though that you have to understand. And this is one area that a lot of people understand, and that's what keeps them stuck is that as you start to move in the direction that you want to move in that's more purposeful, let me tell you, things will change in your life. That includes friends, that includes workplaces, that includes the people that I connected with before. It changes. And that's what keeps people locked in because they don't like, I don't want to give those things up. Those that uh match you will follow you. Those that don't, it's okay that you separate and that you move in different directions. Nothing actually has to happen bad for that to happen, right? It's okay. We're just moving in a different direction, and when we catch up, we catch up, it's okay. Yeah, I get that it's different, but it's okay. Yeah, and and the idea that I'm gonna stay stuck within. the this circle of friends because I don't not prepared to give them up and that they're more important than me, then I I think that's backwards. Then you know we we've we've heard this before that you are as successful as the five closest friends around you.
SPEAKER_05Yeah, yeah. There's been studies done actually on you're within 10 or 20% of the median income of your three closest friends. I don't quote me on that, but it's something like that. And when I started to do this in my head, I'm like, it's actually pretty accurate. Like if you're on minimum wage and your three two or your two other friends are on minimum wage, then that probably makes sense. You know, if you are a high flying CEO business corporate type person on you know hundreds of thousands a year you're probably surrounding yourself in similar circles. That's probably a better example than the other one but that is true. 100% is true. So yeah you be who you hang around with it it's true. It's the environment isn't it true. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. Mate um that was good. Thank you.
SPEAKER_05Should we move on?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_05All right mate it's uh time for rewind. Let's go back for a minute. This is where we go back to last week's episode or unpack something that stuck with us that came up in our DMs. If you do have a question a small win a topic anything you want us to unpack, feel free to send us a message at lifespumpsbruises at gmail.com or at Instagram and Facebook under the same name at Life's Bumps and Bruises. Mate, I got one for you that has to do with episode seven grief, the pain that shapes us obviously we know about that episode now that was about losing my brother to bowel cancer. I uh I posted you can still post something on people's um Facebook wall when um they pass away they've got an in memorium section that says you know in memory of and whatever else but you can still see things that are on there. I saw something on there that I posted in February 21 2017 so that is exactly one year after my brother passed away. Now I'm gonna read you out this post and when I read this now what I'd wrote written tagged Kyle in but it was almost to Kyle's friends and family and my friends and family by extension of that I I don't stand by what I wrote now but I want you to I want to get your opinion on I guess does it now make a lot of sense and maybe why I am the way I am how we got to this place if this was a a warning sign or a cry for help or whatever. But I think you'll find if nothing else I think you'll find it interesting. Okay. And as I said it's got to do with last week's episode grief, the pain that shapes us if you haven't heard that go back and listen to it and then this will make a hell of a lot more sense. So this was shared with your friends and Kyle's friends and it goes like this What other choice do I have? My younger and only brother Kyle died on this day the 21st of February 2016 exactly one year ago today. I really don't know what is fitting in these instances I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to death. However if you are now passively reflecting wow has it really been a year already then this is directed squarely at you. I know that I've lived with a sense of urgency. I've tried to experience as much as I possibly can as quickly as I can I knew from the age of four having spent my childhood roaming the halls of the Royal children's hospital that I didn't want to live what most considered a normal life. Ironically Kyle and many other children were looking for exactly that. I am not inspired I am obsessed. It aggravates me more than it should when I see others appear to be drifting through life all the tools available at their disposal to flourish and they don't. Why is this? If you want to be mediocre then be mediocre but you don't get another crack at this isn't a rehearsal. It infuriates me when I hear BS excuses as to why others are not living their preferred life and you know what's just as bad? When people agree with them. Or worse, complete and utter denial. You don't understand my situation it's different because is it really you pretty little snowflake you? Sympathy and mediocrity love company. It justifies to us that it's okay to be average because someone else is average. It's simple you either don't want it bad enough you're lazy you're apathetic or you haven't decided what you want. Decide what you want write it down look at it every day let it inspire you be obsessed by it. It has been one year since Kyle passed away. Yes it has gone quick but I promise you no quicker than any other year has gone by. You are going to die you are going to run out of tomorrow's and after you die the world will keep going on without you just like it has with Kyle. Just because something is confronting doesn't make it any less true. Kyle never had a girlfriend but he had written down in his journal that his first son was to be named Alex in honor of the surgeon that initially saved his life. If you don't think writing down your goals are important let that sink in. A kid who never had a serious girlfriend had simply decided what he wanted. He didn't have it all figured out when he rate made that decision he just committed to it what he wanted and wrote it down. My brother just wanted a fair chance in life just a reasonable chance to live the life that he wanted and sadly it appears most of us don't live we exist. If you have read this far I employ you implore you to take action like right now make a start. If after all of this you go back to your normal life then you are no longer ignorant you are just ordinary. Life is going to happen regardless of whether you do this stuff or not so why not why the hell not go for it? Even if you get it really wrong at least you had the courage to risk it all to have the chance to get everything you've ever wanted. You might piss off a few people along the journey but you'll do it on your own terms. Remember that if it was easy everyone would do it. There will be roadblocks there'll be hardships there'll be naysayers and there will be adversities and if you decide it's important enough you'll do it anyway. Consistency persistency and disciplined actions are more of a determining factor in the creation of success than any other combination of things what other choice do I have but to live like Kyle could not what other choice do I have? What would you like me to say about that? I see the world through a different you talk about people change I see the world through a different lens that that that is what's the lens I think life is a lot more complicated. What I've learned now is that life can be a lot more complicated than maybe just whacking people between the eyes like that including myself. I also think that this is where I was saying well I'd be interested to see what you say but I told you that that was me living with a sense of urgency and maybe not even living my own life maybe trying to live two lives at once maybe that was a I assume that was a form of grief at the time but yeah I'm really interested to get my A whether you think what I wrote is a complete full of shit whether or not it was appropriate again I don't I don't feel like I stand by that anymore. When I read that now I go who the fuck do you think you are writing that that's why can't you stand by it? Um well I'll take you back to this line it's simple you either don't want it bad enough you're lazy you're apathetic or you haven't decided decided what you want well for me I think it's been the latter I still don't think I've decided what I want to decide and that's what I say I don't think it's that easy. I think it is we choose to keep ourselves locked in for what purpose I mean this episode's on purpose right so I'll tie it back for what purpose do you keep yourself locked in because the things aren't as clear like I haven't made a decision it's not your decision's real simple yeah right maybe the decision really is in what you're saying there you're like well my brother's not here anymore uh what happens now right ultimately there's a lot of people that would look at that and say well fuck it I'm gonna go live because this there is no tomorrow you even said that in there you're gonna run out of tomorrow so what am I gonna choose to fill my minutes we I actually had a story I'm not sure if I shared it on here but uh yeah we go to a tournament and one of our friends has passed away and they do a minute silence for him right and I turned to the kids after that minute silence and I said yo this is all you get one minute yeah what are you gonna fill the rest of your minutes with yeah what are you gonna fill the rest of your minutes with sorrow grief I can't I can't or what about my decisions I can't make a decision who gives a shit how small the decision is just make one it doesn't have to be so big I've seen something on a I thought this was uh it was a great time to bring this up on a tombstone so let's use Kyle's not that he has a tombstone but it would say 1989 dash 2016 or 17 I think it's 2016 and they were like the 1989 is not important the 2016 is not important your whole life is that dash yeah and I thought when you think about like that is that is really powerful yeah your birth date and your death date are sort of relevant the dash is everything in between and that is your life right like what do you want to fill your minutes with as you said yeah what do you want to fill your minutes with oh fuck I'll let you know after I talk to the careers counsellor but that's you don't need a careers counsellor for that you know what it is and the the the key the the the key is having the courage to live through it to go and do it anyway.
SPEAKER_00You know what if that was me me personally I'm not counselling you right now but if that's me I'm telling you right now that I would live in honour of that in honor of my brother I wouldn't wouldn't wait around yeah I I've had my own experience with that right and I'm like well bugger I'm just gonna go live what is it that I want right now go do that I don't second guess nothing I don't second the moment that I started to second guess stuff I moved away from my purpose moved away from me the moment I didn't and I just decided in this spot right now I'm gonna go for a while cool I went I I wanted to go read a book I went and read a book with the intention of using it with in some way right that's why I only ever read actionable books it's it's all about decision making so what decision am I gonna make right now one decision leads to the next one leads to the next one leads to the next one same as purpose each time I take a step it changes the way I see things you're talking about it there in your own way when are you gonna live up to that you know but I think the living up to it's what created the pressure which is probably what creates the anxiety which the pressure because you looked at it so big okay right that's it doesn't have to be so big like I'm saying this whole time that the idea of purpose doesn't have to be the rest of my life what date am I going to die? It's not about that it's more like today tomorrow that's it doesn't have to be so big yeah cool we can once the locomotive is moving then we can look at different things because things are happening faster we can look longer longer term because things are moving things are happening faster yeah what's one thing today that I can choose that's the key Joel it's not I have to worry about what's happening in 10 years.
SPEAKER_05Yeah yeah well what am I teaching my kids what are they going to be like in 10 years fuck that right now what are they going to be like it's hard to sorry you'll say it's not let me just come from my perspective it's hard to keep bringing yourself back to that philosophy of just this moment because it's so easy when you get into the shower your mind starts drifting to then turn off that tap and actually stand up and recognize and go so you're preparing yourself for it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah you're training for it we're talking about visualization before you're training for yourself to stay and remain stuck so how do I change the picture and and I like I said to you it's really difficult to get moving and it's all about putting the percentages in my favour initially knowing that I'll never probably be a hundred percent completely in control. I don't think that that is um is something that we can continue to do ongoingly but how do I put the percentages in my favour?
SPEAKER_05Fair enough I got a uh an off topic question it's just come to me but I'm interested to know your answer. If I could give you an envelope that had your time of death and your date of death written on it would you open it? Yeah. You'd want to know I'm just curious.
SPEAKER_04Well you once you see it you can't unsee it like I could say it could say fucking next Friday.
SPEAKER_00If like yeah if you gave it to me I'd say go fuck yourself yeah I'm gonna live past it. Oh that's what I would do I don't care oh you god I don't give a shit I don't know if I can care check this out my goodness for me that's what I would do I'm clipping this one up that that is a hundred percent what I would do every time someone has said to me I can't do it fucking hold my beer bro here it comes man every time I don't care I don't care like that's the competitor in me so don't tell me what I can I can't do I'm gonna show you what I can I do that's all I said cause of death hit by a giant asteroid I'll fucking show you I'm gonna ride this asteroid like an I'm again that is very that's very good like I don't know for me that is my initial response and I will stand by it till the day comes when I can no longer stand you built from something different you are you know what I took my trauma I took my history and going fucking check out what I can do now it's no different to when you stand on a sporting field right or you start you have to go in public speak let's just say you're a teacher and you're like I'm really nervous for my first class whatever you got a choice which choice you're gonna make the one that keeps me stuck and locked in or the one that says you know what fuck you I'm coming check this out right because I'm more than what I think that I am I know that because no matter what happens I could think myself really highly right and I know there's still more there's probably another 10 15 20 30% I know that because as I start to take that step forward I'm different now and once I stand in the in inside that space I control it I know I can I will there's no I don't even question it. You give me a new team with a whole bunch of kids that I never met before I'm telling you now I'm gonna get the best I possibly can out of them because no matter what happens I'm gonna stand in there I'm gonna fucking get it done. Hold that for the next episode hold that thought for the next episode that's the way I look at it right yeah yeah it's the same in here as soon as a client walks in man you did it too are you gonna be able to get this done motherfucker yeah 100% I'm gonna get this done right and your question was I think you're gonna be able to get this done that was what I said to you. And you know what you're not the only client that's ever said that to me I'm like yeah I can get this done can you you know yeah very good should we move on to your toolkit?
SPEAKER_05Let's do it let's do it so this is your toolkit Luke this is where you give uh listeners practical strategies that they can try in real life not just talking about problems but helping people build coping tools mate we spoke a lot just then but if you got something that can um can tie this all together as a bit of a summary on what we just spoke about yeah I think we should just summarise because we're given a lot in this one like it I I would say that um study you you know you're you're you've got to be the number one value in your life right because if I don't look after me I can't look after the others that I love dearly yeah so uh if I'm looking at purpose who am I right go and learn about yourself uh whatever that looks like for me it was learning about um how I could get control over my my thoughts how I could get control over my regulation so I read books I did a whole heap of online trainings then I wanted to learn more about um counseling so I went and learned counseling then I wanted to learn more about trauma so I did so much training in trauma like off the charts my laptop's full of trauma videos and trainings um and then it's like okay well how do I make it even better I want to learn about kinesiology so then I went and learned more about the body right and I learned more about how do I connect the mind and body so uh it's all about make sure that we are learning about ourselves if you want purpose you've got to know who you are so you can use that as a driving force as a motivator what do I what do I want to feel what emotions do I want to feel you might list three you might list five you might list ten if you listen ten then you're gonna be too far I reckon but um you know three to five they're they're really emotions they're really good motivators so how do I get that consistently um that that would be my takeaways love it love it let's move on to what three things made you happy this week a this is where we pause weekly to reflect on the little things the moments that uh otherwise might get lost in the chaos of life Luke I I'll go first my three things that made me happy this week one I played cricket over the weekend first game practice game was good to get out around amongst the boys again and get the competitive juices flowing and um I think I've told you in the past couple of years I've sort of made different whys or or different people different whys so this year I've decided that my why for playing cricket this year is for me. I'm going to enjoy this one so this one's about me. So you talk about value who do I value I'm I think I'm putting myself at number one there. So um it was good to get out and do some coaching and mentoring and you know start to remember the game again and it all just comes back to me. So that was fun. That was number one. Number two I purchased a motorised golf buggy. Now you might go what's that got to do with anything but real game changer for anyone who's got one they're a little bit expensive but rather than pulling around your uh golf clubs on a trolley effectively this thing has a remote control that you sort of steer and the the biggest game changing thing is and my mate nailed this perfectly was the ability to walk upright. So I've just found that A it makes me happier and B at the end of the round I'm not as tired or as sore which means when I get home I can be a better parent and father and I don't just collapse on the couch and wake up stiff and sore the next day which impacts my mood. So that's number two. And number three obviously we've discussed this but I booked myself in for Careers Counselling on Friday coming. So um yeah I won't mention the guy's name just yet it's not an advertisement for him but we'll see what comes of that that was my hopefully I'll do more with it than just do the Clifton Strengths thing and read it once and then put it away but um yeah hopefully that'll allow me to then open up well maybe what's next and what do I want to learn and finding my purpose which is what this whole thing's been about.
SPEAKER_00Yeah cool. What about you mate? I'm struggle town struggle town struggle town uh I would say um given this episode I would have to and I couldn't I couldn't walk past it yeah I would have to be grateful and I know I use her a lot my wife she has nobody will understand ever what she has given me she has given me the freedom to be able to learn all about me she's given me the freedom to express myself the way that I needed to and she definitely has um she's helped uh she's helped me a lot so I know I I I am grateful for a lot but you know what each time we do an episode it's like oh I can see how Joanne's done that and I'm sorry but I'm now gonna have to deal with Joanne's big head now. So um which I'm grateful for uh but anyway um uh oh I am grateful for um for the clients that I had yesterday I would say um very interesting clients gave me a lot of different perspectives on things um and like I said to you before 8020 rule they taught me they taught me a lot they filled that full 80 at that full 20% let me tell you gave me so many more insights um but I I'm struggling now after that to be honest.
SPEAKER_04No it's one more than you normally come up with nothing else to add no not today.
SPEAKER_05All right well mate that's um that's it for another show. I hope you enjoyed this one obviously this entire episode was based on purpose um we actually have some exciting news I won't mention the name yet but we actually officially have our first guest locked in so um yeah we'll work out we know what the recording date is we'll work out when the release date's going to be but um this is going to be the first one where we talk to real humans I think we're toying with the names of Be More Human or the human series or something where we talk to real people about some of the things they've gone through and this particular person has an interesting story to tell and I'm interested to unpack it with him. So it won't be a typical episode but I think it'll be one that'll be really relatable so people aren't listening to you and I all the time.
SPEAKER_00Yeah cool.
SPEAKER_05Looking forward to that yeah other than that if you do have a question lifespumpsbruises at gmail.com hit us up on any of our socials and um that's about it mate I'll uh see you next Tuesday see you next Tuesday all right mate bye bye
