Episode 11 - Being Human with Mitch Johnstone

 Content note: This episode contains discussion of cancer, grief, and the loss of a parent.

🧠 How do you keep moving when life rips away one of the people you love most?

In this first episode of our Being Human Series, Joel and Luke sit down with Mitch Johnstone as he opens up about losing his dad, Michael Johnstone, to pancreatic cancer. With raw honesty, Mitch shares what it was like to walk through the shock of diagnosis, the heartbreak of decline, and the grief that followed his dad’s passing.

This isn’t just a conversation about loss — it’s about what happens to your identity, relationships, and daily life when the person you looked up to most is suddenly gone. Mitch talks about the practical chaos of hospital visits, the emotional whiplash of hope and despair, and the quiet, long-lasting ache that comes after the funeral ends and life is supposed to “go back to normal.”

Mitch is also a father, teacher, and cricket coach — roles he tries to compartmentalise as best he can while often running on fumes. He speaks candidly about the tension of showing up for his kids, his students, and his players while privately carrying grief and exhaustion, and how the weight of those roles can be both grounding and overwhelming.

🎙 This episode is for you if you’re into:
• Honest, unfiltered conversations about grief and what it really feels like
• The experience of losing a parent to cancer and the ripple effect on family
• The loneliness that comes when support fades after the funeral
• What it looks like to juggle parenthood, teaching, and coaching while grieving
• Learning to carry your loved one’s legacy while finding your own way forward
• Vulnerability, resilience, and the reminder that it’s okay to not be okay

💬 Got thoughts or want to share your own story?
We’d love to hear from you. Reach out anytime:
📬 lifesbumpsbruises@gmail.com
📲 Instagram: @lifesbumpsandbruises
📘 Facebook: Life’s Bumps and Bruises

 New episodes drop every Tuesday — let’s normalise the conversation, one real chat at a time.

Credits:

The Inspiration by Keys of Moon | https://soundcloud.com/keysofmoon

Attribution 4.0 International (CC BY 4.0)

https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Music promoted by https://www.chosic.com/free-music/all/

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:04

Life's full of bumps, bruises, and emotional potholes. I'm Joel Shellman, just a bloke as battle anxiety and depression. Remember, Luke the Tech, cancel my couch and the counter my chaos. Each week we talk real life, anxiety, overwhelm, family stuff, and those mornings when we're getting out of bed feels like a win. Plus, this is Plus Bumps and Bruises We Glad you Heat. As always, is Luke Lettet. Hello, mate.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Monkey Jocks, what's going on? Fuck does that mean? Haven't you haven't you seen Bluey? Yes. You haven't seen that episode? I thought you said you'd watch Bluey. Yeah, I do. Monkey Jocks. Yeah, man. Mate, you've thrown me. Yes. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:04

Ship like it's in there. Yeah. We got a uh this is a special episode for us. It is special. Yeah, we got our first guest, which we will throw to at another time. This is the first episode of Being Human with XXX, the guest which I will introduce in the not too distant future. So that's exciting. It is very. Yeah, before we get into it, I'll just give you a bit of a disclaimer. Um just want to let you know that this episode touches on death, grief, and the loss of a parent. These are heavy, deeply personal topics, and we understand that they may feel overwhelming for some listeners. If this isn't the right time for you, please feel free to skip this one and come back when you're ready or revisit to another episode. If you are impacted by mental health issues arriving from grief, please reach out to Luke at connect at luceletet.com.au or you could phone lifeline on 131114. Please take the time for you to process this grief. The last thing we want on life's bumps and bruises is for our listeners to suppress their grief. So reach out to someone for support. Is that fair enough?

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Absolutely. Yes. But you know what? Grief is a grief's a bitch. It has a tendency to come back and bite you in the ass.

SPEAKER_02 2:07

Yeah, well, even in my episode, I remember it waited for me for a fairly long time. You can't just push it to the side. A hundred percent. Keeps getting louder. So uh mate, we'll just do a quick recap of last week's show. We spoke about the art of coaching, which is actually pretty relevant to the guests we've got today. Uh in that episode, we unpacked coaching. We talked about how coaching goes way beyond drills or game plans. It's about shaping people, building culture, and creating environments where individuals can grow. Uh, I shared some of my own lessons from cricket coaching. Luke, you reflected on decades of experience in elite softball and baseball, and we looked at what makes a coach great, the role of parents and egos playing team dynamics, and how the best coaching lessons actually spill over into everyday life, leadership, business, and even relationship.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

As soon as you say the word parents, yes, PTSD, man. From parents.

SPEAKER_02 2:53

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 2:54

They're hard work. They hard work.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Talk to our guest about that as well.

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Yeah, man. And then when you work with um, and having worked in schools as well, I can tell you now when you get over the parent bit, the kid can just go and do their thing without being impacted so much, you know. Um, so yeah, that um you say the word parrot, I'm like, ah, I can feel my whole body going tense.

SPEAKER_02 3:14

Well, do you remember, actually, very relevant to our current guest, when I was going through a coaching program in the western suburbs or whatever, and I asked you for some advice on how to handle it about the actual coaching sessions, how to structure it, the first thing you said to me was, deal with the parents first. Yeah, man. So that's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 3:30

100%. And then, like, as soon as the parents aren't involved as much anymore, the kids just go about playing, you know, and then you're actually able to coach them. You you really got to think about as soon as the kid gets in the car after you have done your session with them, the parents are at them. Right? And then they're telling them, they're trying to coach them. It's like, oh, hang on.

unknown 3:49

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

If you could coach them that well, this kid wouldn't be here.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

That's true as well. Just take it easy. Yeah. So that was episode 10, the art of coaching. Uh, mate, we'll just get into a few little, I don't know, preambles, if you will. Um, we had we passed 500 listeners on Spotify, which is pretty cool. Get around it, that's awesome. That is good. Thank you to everybody who's listening. We got into another country. Yeah. Do you know what it is? Which one is it? Canada. Canada. Thank you, Canada. Yeah, thank you. I've got a funny feeling it's actually one of my close mates who visited Canada and listened over there. So you got all these friends, look at you. Oh yeah, awesome. Yeah. Um, secondly, we I had a beautiful old girlfriend of mine, one of my oldest friends, reach out. She knew we were having some audio issues and she recommended Adobe Podcast, which I think we are going to implement. You sat down with her and and had a bit of a play. Tell me about it.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Yeah, it's um it's actually, I get this is a bit of a plug, but I'll tell you what, it's a pretty good program.

SPEAKER_02 4:44

Why?

SPEAKER_00 4:45

It it drowns out all the background noise. So that kid that we had in the last session, yeah, yeah, um at the back there. Um, I'm not even sure if it came through on the podcast. No, it didn't. It didn't? No, I listened to it this morning, it was fine. Um, but uh you know it'll drown that out, it'll enhance it for you. It uh it allows us to uh do sessions online and invite people in and then enhances the audio so that we don't have those issues.

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Yeah, so thank you, Adobe. We appreciate that, and thank you. Thank you very much. Uh just on it at the start of this episode, if you do want to get in contact contact with us, it's lifespumpsbruis at gmail.com. I say it every week, but there's no and in that one. You can hit us up at Instagram and Facebook under the same name. We have had plenty of DMs come in, which has been unreal, actually. Some people reaching out, having conversations, um, yeah, telling us how it's impacted their lives and some of the other things that have happened.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

Um I love the conversations that they're having with other people about it. 100%. That's probably the the most important part of it.

SPEAKER_02 5:39

It's hard to quantify and measure, but I sort of know that it's happening. I even um I ran into a guy at a coffee shop and started talking to him, and we just got into a conversation, and yeah, he's he's starting to check it out now, which is cool. And I met some people at all hours of the morning at 3 a.m. at a stupid Pokeys bar in Brighton after pre-limp final, and of course we started talking about it. So it's um it's cool. It's cool. So I the other thing I want to touch on this is a good lead-in for our guest. I spoke last week that I played premier cricket, as you know, and I left the Esperton Cricket Club because someone was better than me. That's my next guest. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'll uh I'll introduce him. This is let's get into the first segment. Well, this is the segment. Uh, we've started this series called Being Human, uh, and this is being human with Mitch Johnston. Welcome, mate.

SPEAKER_01 6:25

Thanks, Joel. Thanks, Luke. Pleasure to be here. What a what a setup you guys have got. Yeah. What the Harry Games and and the like, they've got nothing on this. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Thanks for coming, mate. So, Mitch, um, I I thought I'll give you a bit of a soft introduction introduction to this. I dug up a bit of an article um from our mate Tim Mitchell. My man. Your your man. Yeah. Well, we've got a few men that we talk about on Twitter, but I um I thought I'd just read this first couple of paragraphs that he wrote about your old man, um, and then we can sort of get into why we're here. Says, Michael Johnson has always had a zest for life. He's a hardworking electrician from Melbourne's West who has been on the tools for almost 40 years, a longtime member of cover band Retro Max, loving grandfather and father to three children, Mitch, Rihannan, and Liam, you obviously being Mitch. And he's been a cricketer with the Western Colts, Sunshine United, East Coburg, and Sydenham Hillside, a VFA footballer at Sunshine and a proud part of sporting clubs across Melbourne's Western suburbs, including being the founding president of the Hillside Football Club. So that's a little bit about, I guess, why we're here. But before we get into that, mate, tell us a little bit about your stats, as if we were doing a player profile. How old are you? Your family. Tell us a little bit about your story.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yeah, sure. So I'm 36 years old. Uh I might look a little bit older, Joel, with the the wrinkles and the and the grey hair at the moment. It's been a big term at Deanside Primary School. So I'm assistant principal there. And three children, uh, six and a half. Lewis, who loves his cricket and footy and basketball. Uh, Jude, who's a little Larric and he's four and a half, and Precious Isla, she's 18 months. So uh I have three beautiful kids, my wife Ashley, and we've been together for the best part of 16 years now. So it's been a good journey. Um, and some of your things there around dad, there's a lot of parallels with how I've lived my life too, with some of the pursuits that I've gone after, um, particularly around sport and community. So uh even just you recapping some of those things that he's he's achieved, um, it'd be good to elaborate on those today and the impact they've had on me.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

Well, let's just start right there. Tell us before all the shit goes wrong, tell us a little bit about your dad.

SPEAKER_01 8:28

One of a kind. Um, yeah, life of the party, um, stubborn as anything, incredibly stubborn. Um, but someone who, you know, immigrated to migrated to Australia in 1970. Um, eight-year-old Indian boy, um, and was straight in the deep end, you know, um, didn't know much about Australian culture and society, but before long, you know, footy and cricket and swimming and and all the other things that kids back in the 70s did, he um latched onto and you know, carved out a really good um local sporting career, but more importantly, provided for his family and worked incredibly hard, um, you know, 60, 70 hour weeks, um, and did a great job in setting himself up. And then as time went on and we all grew up and moved out, he certainly lived lived the high life and would would splash out on on things that um would enable him to you know enjoy and make the most of his all too short a life, you know, 63 years, which and we feel a bit robbed, but um he certainly packed a lot in. So um yeah, he you know, he got into his Harleys and he had all his tats and uh would uh be a bit of a womanizer and yeah, so but but beneath all that was someone who was incredibly loyal and community oriented oriented and um absolutely loved his grandkids as well.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Can I ask a question, actually? Younger, what do you teach you? What was it that he gave you? I'm I I love that bit because uh it's kind of the things that kind of get passed down from one generation to the next.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yeah, he was super competitive. Um so I like to think that's been his number one trait that's been passed on to me to to to take pride in your performance and pride in what you do and pride in your work and pride in being a father and a and a husband as well. So um, yeah, striving to be the best you can be and getting the most out of yourself was absolutely number one life lesson for him.

SPEAKER_02 10:23

Nice one. That's cool. That's can you um, if you're comfortable, can you take me back to I guess the diagnosis and what I guess you came to find out and the I guess the emotions and the day-to-day journey of as much detail as you feel comfortable with, but from the moment that it happened or the phone call or whatever happened, and then talk me through, I guess personally, your side of it, how how you went through it.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Yeah, so about 18 months ago he started to lose a lot of weight and he wasn't a great dieter or exerciser, so we thought, well, something's not quite right here. Um we were going to local footy to watch my brother, and he'd be walking around, and he'd sort of, you know, he was a pretty strong guy, had a strong physique, and um had lost, you know, 20 kilos in in a really short period of time. Um and over what period was that? Um so eighteen, eighteen months ago.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Um yeah, the period he lost the 20 kilos.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Yeah, yeah. So probably two years ago to that 18-month period. And um it was really rapid. Um and he had three blood tests with three different GPs and was asking all the questions, but they couldn't really find anything. And then he went to a fourth GP and they did um yeah, another blood test, but look for some different markers, and those cancer markers were were through the roof. So um October 7 is a day that um will always sit in the memory. Um you know, he he he got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage four. Um, and him entering my driveway with my brother in the Johnson Electrics work van, uh both crying, you know, it was uh something that will will sit vividly with me forever. Um that that recollection. So from there on in, um it was a real uh roller coaster of emotions. He initially was at a loss, as you would be, as to my life. So over pancreatic cancer is almost a death sentence. Um so the first week or two was certainly that sense of wallowing and despair. Um, but before long he sort of he really galvanized himself and those around him to to fight, and um he he had some really good results. Um his his tumour shrunk 90%. Oh wow did that provide you with too much hope? Absolutely, like you know, um something like seven percent of pancreatic cancer sufferers live beyond five years, and we thought he might be in that seven percent. Um and he was trying everything, so some things that were legal, others not so much. Um things that were more designed for pet consumption rather than than human. Uh whatever works. Oh, whatever works, fasting, even though he couldn't diet to save himself. So um he threw everything at it, and we got some really promising early results. Um in and around late November, early Jan uh December. We thought, you know what, we might be able to prolong life. Life's never gonna be the same. But um that was that was hugely promising. And then I think late January, um, some different tumors popped up in his liver, and then the decline was really rapid, particularly the last month of his life. So um it involved, you know, my sister lives in Perth, she's a nurse, so she would fly over for um prolonged stints as well. Um, myself and my brother would tag team to to support him. Um, I'd probably do a lot of the emergency runs to hospital when he was feeling really, really poorly. So um, and then that that last few weeks is just yeah, it's uh tough to comprehend and um and and see a really strong man essentially waste away in front of you. Um and the expression that some of his friends or uh you know wider family would would demonstrate when seeing him in that state was yeah, it's also hard to reconcile. So um he passed away on the 24th of April and the early hours of the morning, um, surrounded by myself, um, my brother, my sister, and my mum, his ex-wife. Um and it was a it was a as much as you know him passing is a horrible event, um, the actual um process was very peaceful. And it's funny that night we're all quite childlike, you know, it was almost like we were teenagers again, and it was banter and it was tears, and there was a little bit of bickering and whatever, but it was it was a beautiful night. Um, and then um yeah, as that those final breaths drew closer and we all sort of came together and wished Jim a peaceful journey. So in that sense it was it was beautiful, but um yeah, heartbreaking all the same.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

It's all it's a very difficult situation, isn't it, when you when you have that that passing, it it kind of brings people together, but at the same time you feel less humoured. Does that make sense to you? Yeah, and and it's like oh and then and then they pass, and you're like as much as I am hurting, I'm grateful. So it's kind of like you're on opposite ends of the emotional spectrum, it's so difficult to manage. Yeah. Um what was it that you got inside those moments? Was there anything that happened with within the family that was uh that you found to be beneficial for the long term after he passed?

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Yeah, so that the presence of the family, and I'm big on fronting up, you know, in in life's toughest moments, you've got to front up, and um that's what I'm really proud of absolutely our immediate family and the wider family too, his siblings and and mum, etc., that um in his last days we're all there together in the hospital, probably pissing off the the nurses and doctors with how how loud uh you know, we've got a dad's Indian, so uh, you know, they're talking about all kinds of things and um in the hallways there at the Epworth. But um I'm proud that we came together in those moments. But certainly with the state that he was in, um it wouldn't be fair for him to live like that for any period of time. It was time, yeah. Um as hard as it is to say that, but um there's a sense of relief that he didn't have to endure that endure with that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

I can I go? Yeah, yeah. I've got so many questions for you, Mitch, because I just I love unpacking it. From someone who's been through it myself, obviously you told me that you listened to uh the episode I did on grief to my brother. I there's an interesting well, interesting, it's maybe not the right word, but a statistic um that stage four pancreatic pancreatic cancer, which your dad had, the survival rates and that are 13%. But is exactly the same as stage four bowel cancer, which my brother had.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:08

I'm curious to know if if you can just take me back a little bit. It's a two-part question. The first one is when all those blood tests came back negative, do you hold any animosity towards those GPs for not fucking finding something? Do you ever think about that? That's my first question. Secondly, after he got the diagnosis, did you do what I did, which is go to your laptop and tap away?

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Absolutely. I'll start with the second one first. Um, yeah, I like to be in control and and have all the information at my disposal. So and my wife's not dissimilar. So we certainly looked into what is this, what are the uh parameters here, what needs to be done, how can we fix it? Um, and then we quickly discovered that there's no fixing this. It's um we'll throw everything at it, but yeah, it was looking pretty uh daunting. Um as for the GPs, yeah, certainly I think I think uh there's some question marks over our health system and and you know how uh rigorous it can be at times. And uh that's probably contradicting the fact that my sister's a nurse and does a wonderful job, and some of the care that dad received was was outstanding. But I think um it's really important that you take control of your own health and and ask the right questions, ask the tough questions, and as much as the GP might be willing to quickly rip up that prescription and send you out for the next patient. I think we need to be um really owning our own health, which dad at times didn't do in fairness, but also us probably advocating for him or pushing him a little bit further around. No, there's something wrong here, go and find out what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Were they looking for cancer in those early blood tests?

SPEAKER_01 18:39

No, because he he was type two diabetic, so they kept linking it to diabetes um and stress and those things, but um that weight loss was too drastic and his energy levels had really suffered as well. So something more sinister was definitely always at play.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Um do you have an inclination in the back of your mind when these tests kept coming back negative? Did at any stage you or the nurse in your family, whoever did you think, geez, this might be cancelled, let's look for that, or did you just let him do his own thing and just wait for what he told you?

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Probably the latter because yeah, um, and this is something that I have to come to terms with. You know, we're all so busy with our own little units of you know, three kids, and and Isla was only six months at the time, so you're so focused on that that um I probably had to ask some tougher questions of dad at times and again what's going on, what are we doing about it? Um yeah, so that's something that's tough for me to again to reconcile, but um in in all matter of fact, it probably wouldn't have changed anything anyway, because it's such an insidious disease. So as much as we look, we might have bought an extra week or month or so, but the trajectory was probably the same in any case. It's difficult though.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

You in your the the medical profession, um they get preconceived ideas around your your medical stuff anyway, and that would be natural for any human to do. And I found this in the experience I've had. Uh you know, we got pretty revved up after my um my in-laws passed away because it felt like they didn't catch it early enough. But if they're not looking for it, they're not gonna find it. But if they're looking for it, they'll find something, yeah, right. And that's the really hard part. And I like what he was saying before about asking the right questions. And it really comes down to when I feel sick, right, am I listening to what my body's telling me? Right? Without because we get so nervous about making the story bigger and the picture bigger, but am I listening to myself and going, okay, well, my body's telling me there's something else here. How do I approach the doctor about that? I mean, when you look at old Europeans, uh, the generation before us, or any sort of migrant, they trusted the medical profession so much and yeah, language is always an issue with a lot of those types of people, but um they put their life in their hands and they're expecting that the doctor's gonna ask that question. So um maybe it's beneficial just for our listeners to maybe take somebody with you to those medical appointments. Don't have to do it all on your own. Yeah. Please don't do it all on your own. Because there is a a gap, especially with the generation before us.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

This is um this might be a difficult question, Mitch, but in my episode, I remember yeah, about grief, the pain that shapes us, which is out now. Um, I remember sitting down with my brother and playing mini golf and having the conversation that, hey, listen, I think you're going to die. Do you you can answer this however you see fit, but do you remember a um like an absolute clear-cut day or something where you knew he's not going to make it? Like this is beyond repair, or was it the very moment you got the diagnosis? Or do you remember because you obviously got a bit of hope after the you told me that it had shrunk a little bit, but was there a point where you went, oh, like this is going to happen?

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Yeah, it really ebbed and flowed. So even after that initial period of despair, um, and then looking at some photos. him in late October, early November. Like he was so sick. Like he he had, you know, really strong legs and lead leg muscles were wasting away. And at that time I thought this is not going to end well. We didn't think he'd make Christmas. And then we had that little uptick of events where the the you know the tumour really shrunk quickly and he was throwing everything at it. Like he he was doing hyperbaric chamber sessions three times a week hydrotherapy, red light therapy threw everything at it. And we started to see those results. But uh really late in his journey um probably the last fortnight it was it was inevitable.

SPEAKER_02 22:39

And did you see it in him like did he go, oh this is beyond repair.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

He was he was uh he was going to fight to the end. Yep. Absolutely and he never he was the last one to concede. Absolutely. That's terrific. Absolutely. We even uh I would say he flirted with relig with religion and I wouldn't say he's a devout Catholic by any stretch but we had the the priest come in and I'm by no means religious or have much idea but we had the priest come in to give him the last rite. Yeah and he it wasn't really verbal at that stage but he he waved the priest away so he was fighting to the end and that summed him up he was a real fighter um but deep down we knew that particularly I I went to the hospital every day and then um it was a Tuesday afternoon we left I came back in the following morning and I'd I've never seen someone decline and deteriorate that rapidly it was galling to see him in that state. So at that very point we knew it was imminent um but yeah that roller coaster of hope and then um you know that trajectory of no this is gonna not end well just it kept fluctuating and then yeah that last month or probably three to four weeks is a real finalization this is this is going to happen.

SPEAKER_02 23:57

I remember when my brother was riddled with cancer there comes a point where you look at them and go, this is no longer my brother like this is just a shell of a human and somewhat of a ticking brain.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

Did you have a moment where you looked at your dad and just go that's not the dad I remember yeah I mean he I'm pubbing him up a little bit here he'd be he'd be happy with this he's a bit of a rooster you know he's a good looking guy and and was proud of how his appearance but by the end yeah he um yeah he genuinely away and all his muscle tone and um you you can only wear trackies and you know um yeah it was it was sad to see him like that and that wasn't him and he deserved more than that and and it underlines the fact that you you know anything beyond where he was was only going to be unfair on him uh already so it was time.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

Before we get into um the post I don't know post-death I guess if you will I think now's a good time to talk about you obviously had some huge community support I I found you had your support dare to hope fund for pancreatic cancer research you had the uh I think the game out at Yarrable Club can you tell us about that day? Because it seemed I saw some videos and I saw some footage like what was that like emotionally is that everything you wanted it to be tell me about that.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Yeah we we packed a lot into the six months and I I reflect now and we were probably suckers for punishment a little bit in terms of how much we prioritised that and amongst everything else but we he had two um fundraising gigs with his band at a really dingy little Retro Max Retro Max he was the air guitarist for about 20 years in Metro Max so he couldn't play music for shit but what kind of cover band were they? 60s 70s 80s yeah yeah they did really well um great group of mates that all played cricket together um and I grew up with those a lot of those guys too um for the Western cults career club that mean the world to me so um but they had a had a ball they used to um practice probably going a tangent here been in a in a gas we do that well here embrace it then uh in in a in a in the garage that used to back onto my bedroom uh wall and the the walls were paper thin so some of the bickering and arguing and and uh correcting of each other's musical talents and uh vocabulary was certainly an experience as a teenager but they had a ball and um they played a couple of gigs um yeah in November and Feb to raise money and and um we also did the uh the pankind walk around the tan early in his diagnosis that would have been late October and raised a good four or five K there and then the Yarrival claim club game that I um organised with the support of our wonderful club we organized um you know a range of mates that he'd played with including Craig Berger um Daryl Brown who you know VTCA legend and many others took my job who's that Brownie yeah he's stuck at a lot of people's jobs over journey um you know and that was great we raised $15,000 and I put that together in four weeks so that's awesome. Yeah yeah so that that was all really rewarding from a community contribution sense and fundraising and and those things. I do wonder how much there's a lot packed in there that we organised and ran um how exhausting that was you know and and what time was put into that compared to each other.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

I don't regret that but it's certainly probably post his passing caught up with all of us um in terms of fatigue and that is there's so many parallels between the stories you're telling and the stories we went through. So the two you've just named there the first one is I think you said the night he died you went back and you were giggling and having fun and having a good time. I spoke in my episode about the big life chats that was the night that I spoke to my dad about marrying my then girlfriend to be and you know we just spoke about everything you know what you do with your money where you invest like how did this come about like how did you it's incredible how those nights can open up things that are are then just on the table. Did you is that what happened for you guys? Like was it just anything anything goes?

SPEAKER_01 27:59

Yeah yeah and mum and I would always have those chats you know um mum uh lived in Woodend and then now Mastodon last 20 years and um 25 years and then uh my brother and sister would go off to bed an hour or so earlier and then mum and I would sit in front of the fire play chess and we'd we'd chat all things live and then it's some of those precious moments of of my life that I've done so far. So that was an extrapolation of you know of the chats we would have more regularly back then. Now I'm married and not with mum at home every night but um we'd had you know just chats about all the memories and things that um you know she wanted to say to dad still even though they were apart for 25 years but um their respect for one another was something that us kids hold really dearly.

SPEAKER_02 28:42

That's awesome. And then the other one you mentioned was the guilt that you potentially felt when my brother was diagnosed on my 30th birthday to when he died was four months and then I worked full time through that period. Yeah and you only you see in reflection you're like if I'd have known that he was only going to be work alive for four months I wouldn't have worked as much if at all I would have hung out with some more teams you obviously went through the same thing I guess.

SPEAKER_01 29:02

Is guilt the right word or is it just a oh look from from a a work point of view I was able to use a lot of leave and and um I was sort of between jobs uh I was still employed um but looking at assistant principal jobs and uh doing acting gig at a school out in Trugonair which um they did a wonderful job in looking after me as did my my new school Dean side primary school so I couldn't be more thankful for flexibility they gave me and support um and then school holidays coincided with um you know I guess a large portion of his illness too so in that sense I was able to have the time to get into the Epworth nearly every day or be with him um which which was great um as tough as it was at that time. So that all worked out okay um but it's just the other responsibilities we've got in life to around being a father and a husband and coaching a you know a a high profile cricket club and and those things that I want to still do well and maintain as well as look after dad.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

I get that I've still got a voicemail message from my brother sitting in chemo with a needle in his arm just left me a voicemail message because I didn't pick up the phone and I think now I'm like the fuck wasn't I sitting there nesting like what what was more important than that? It makes you prioritise it. Oh fuck um now I'd like to you got any questions or can I I'd like to get into a bit of the I don't know the minutia and the details of it. So after he dies can you tell me about the days leading up to the funeral I'm really interested to know how do you plan it who pays for it like what how do you rally around and like what physically happens because people die every day right yeah and I don't know how to do this.

SPEAKER_01 30:35

Yeah that was a really busy period because we wanted to send him off in style he was a big party guy so we wanted to really have something that would uh align with what he would have wanted so um but he was again flirting with the aspect of religion at that time seeking for that last bit of support I guess from the powers above um and then obviously appeasing his family with their bit their beliefs too so um we sort of stumbled upon um St. Mary's the church that um he grew up near as as a kid uh and that some of the wider family were also involved with again I'm not religious guy so in terms of terminology you've got no bloody idea but um so that that worked out well and um Dennis Johnson's uh the the principal of the the school that's attached to the church uh who you know Dennis is um a a cousin so uh it worked out really well to have the the funeral there um we met um met father I can't remember his name now it's it's that's that that much of a blur that period but he he did a father he did a really great job um with the the service it was packed a lot of people there um uh and then we had the wake at the Hillside Footy Club as well obviously as a founding president there and they were they did a wonderful job Lyndon and Anne Marie and supporting the family and having you so you know no expense sort of turned around putting on a big event and then that night we um we had the wake back at his place a bit of an invite only kind of party with a cultural cover band and curries and everything so it was it was chiseling curries just get around it there you go's a new album uh it was very good curries yeah um so that yeah it was it was a big send off and um it was like planning a wedding in a week and and that again we probably when I look at the six months we certainly reach for the stars a lot of fundraising things and and how we sent him off. So does the fundraising cover funeral costs like no no because that was all from the estate um so yeah dad had worked really hard and done really well for himself so um and we we flirted around planning some of this he was still so proud and fighting to the end that he didn't really want to have some of these conversations but um by the end obviously he could start to sort of see where things were headed and I'm the executor of his of his will and we we yeah started to scope out what it would take to to cover some of these costs. So um yeah he lucky that you know he had the funds available to for us to put towards these things as as he would have wanted to celebrate his life.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

That's great. You got any questions? Yeah it's a pretty full-on sort of time isn't it when you try and organise that sort of stuff and it does happen really really really quickly. I I'm curious to know uh how did you go after all that was done? Because I get like it can be a very um it's a bit like counseling right when when I speak to my clients and they're like oh that feels really good. Okay yeah it's a bit like taking a shit right you come in you're all tense and you just can't wait to get this over and done with get through it and then after you finished it's like oh I feel so much better. But it kind of lingers around it like what how did you go after all of that time was done how did you manage yourself after that that's an incredible analogy look I know yeah this is all the time get around it love it.

SPEAKER_01 34:07

Um yeah so the first as my second coffee kicks in it's great put that on the agenda yeah the um the first month or two yeah he's still a bit raw uh I for me that it's the two month period I just it just body slammed me like wow this has really happened and he's not there I can't give him a call to um discuss all the the big decisions in life and and yeah it was it was after the dust had settled and people had gone back to their own lives and in and they you know have to of course that um that support network is is there but not as active and that's when it really hits home. So in the yeah sort of that two month mark um that became the real challenge personally and you're just looking at photos and videos and and things that allow you to um never forget that but um yeah that was and but that continues that from that two month mark to today that sort of continues to you know hit home um even you know going back to his place to check everything's okay because no one's there um and you you you know you'd picture him sitting on the couch watching Sky News and ranting and raving and um but he's not there anymore you know and and that was confronting so um that's what I'm working through now I guess one strength of mine is compartmentalizing it that's something I do quite well so I'll really allow myself to to cry to grieve to be upset in that period of time and and and get it out of the system for that moment and then go back to being a dad or an educator or husband or pre coach um but I'll allow myself those moments to to to grieve um it's an important part yeah absolutely if you don't do it you could literally run everything yeah yeah everything you do because it's just it doesn't go away then yeah did you learn how to do that or have you always been able to do that because I'm fascinated by that because I don't do that.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

Yeah sort of jealousy but tell me about it I've just turned something on and off.

SPEAKER_01 36:12

Yeah I I'm probably perceived as a bit of a black and white um machine who can sort of you know organise things and and compartmentalize things and it is it is a strength and probably a weakness too at times but um the alternative is if I can't do that then I can't be the best dad to an 18 month old or a four and a half year old and a six and a half year old that really need me at that point in time. So it's my obligation for them and my wife and and my responsibilities to be able to as best I can and there's still going to be times there's there's spill over but um have to be really present in that moment where I'm grieving and let it out of the system and do you think that sport taught you how to do that? Yeah pro sport and and probably education and um my parents divorced when I was 11 so I had to be really good at um organising my stuff for you know you'd be playing cricket you'd you would have been the same you know you'd be playing club cricket on a Saturday and then rep cricket on a Sunday and having your stuff ready different clothes and and then I'd be you know at dad's place on a Monday night and mum's on a Tuesday so being able to sort of sort my life and organise and um group things together is probably you know if you extrapolate that out to this at this event it's probably held me in good stead to a degree but I'm sure there'll come a time when it all becomes too much and that's probably why I've made some of the decisions I have in the last month or so around work and what that looks like to um yeah restore some balance in my life as well. Yeah good one.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

Can you tell me about some of the moments that have caught you off guard you touched on earlier where you know your dad's not sitting on the couch watching Sky News and I remember I had a question about football.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

My brother was a journalist and loved his footy and I remember thinking oh he'll know that answer and I couldn't ring him like since it's happened like it's not the grand moments that you sort of brace yourself for have you can you tell me about some of the moments where you've had your guard down and it's just come to you yep um even simple things like with text during Carlton games you know he'd he'd he'd carry on about certain players and um you know and then I like Jesse Motlop he just thought he was no good. And I'd shut it Jesse if you're a listener he's you know he he's got some skill but he just you know and then just having that banter around Carlton stuff particularly that was so poor this year. Um I'd probably sell his things that he would have really enjoyed so um we sold a hyperbaric chamber that he ended up purchasing he bought it he ended up buying one what do they cost uh enough is yeah uh because he was travelling to Brighton three times a week and he was he was that sick and I could I drive him when I could but it wasn't very often um so he ended up buying one. Where do you sell a hyperbaric the black market? Yeah good old Facebook marketplace yeah right so yeah that's been an uh interesting experience the last few months but so selling that as the last that was one of the last symbols of his fight right and that just got me I didn't know the bloke I was selling it to really and he was a lovely guy and whatever but as soon as I saw that getting hearted away in the truck that was got yeah I sort of broke down a bit and even you know some other things that he he had that were of value to him that he would have used in retirement and um that was confronting. Yeah I've mentioned the Colton stuff as well and then Louis playing under eight's um footy on a Friday night they had a little four week sort of series or tournament if you will and dad starting at the footy club he would have absolutely loved to have seen Louie put on the shark's jumper and get out there. So that was that was challenging as well. So just little little moments here and there that I again I I really allow myself to be present and embrace um but then when the time's appropriate get back on the horse and do the other things I need to do as well.

SPEAKER_02 40:04

What you can do yeah how'd you go with uh and I know this has happened because I've checked the timelines but the first Father's day and the first Christmas that sort of went by can you tell me about that?

SPEAKER_01 40:14

Yeah so Father's Day a few weeks back um that was that was tough. Yeah that was tough probably not as tough as I thought it would be for I don't even know why. It's because you maybe you knew it was coming in the kelp prepared for it and um you know the kids are sort of looking after me as their dad as well so it kind of softened the blow a little bit um yeah but we got through that okay I think Christmas will be tough. Christmas um Christmas is always at his place you know we'd have curries and barbecue and you know lots of alcohol and lots of tunes always you know his his tunes he's very limited wouldn't really branch out into into this into today's music to be honest. Sorry uh Colt is all on on uh rinse and repeat yeah um so Christmas would be really tough because that was kind of him and his element with the family. So he died April of this year. April so you haven't had your first Christmas no no not yet so um and we've sold his house as well. Yeah I saw that on some yeah we we might have one last Christmas there depending on settlement so um yeah and I hope we do um because that'll be what he would have wanted as well.

SPEAKER_02 41:22

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

What was selling the family home like obviously is that where you grew up yeah yeah so um dad dad and mum were one of the first people to purchase in the Sugargum estate and hillside acre and a half blocks which you don't really get that close to the the city anymore so they bought 34 35 years ago and um so after the funeral we I sort of allowed myself six seven weeks off work to absolutely get the place and I I'm not a handyman by any stretch of the definition there um but to yeah sort of coordinate and get everything sorted as best we could not not the whole estate but as much as we could in that period of time um to again compartmentalise that aspect of it um because if it was going to be a one or two year saga of getting everything ready and landscaping and renovating and everything and you know his paperwork was all over the shop in his office so spent many an hour there with his uh elder sister working out um you know his affairs um but we wanted to as best we could do that in a in a timely manner um to be able to again move move forward so um the place need a lot of work um and my brother's an absolute gun he's a sparky but he can do everything so he was a real hands-on aspect mum was amazing her husband incredible in helping us out some of his best mates uh Dan Hill unbelievable helping us out um many many people so um yeah a team of of many that helped us out to get the place up to scratch and then um we put on the market and yeah we got a a a really solid result so that gives us some options you know going forward and and that's okay there's not nothing to be sort of you know ashamed of or you know that legacy piece from him is something that he worked really hard for and now I guess up to us three kids to to look after our families and make decisions that will you know um have a better balance in our lives as well.

SPEAKER_00 43:26

Yeah it's good one yeah it's a tough period yeah and if you don't take care of it quickly yeah like you said it lingers around and you and then it becomes a serious jaw.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:36

Yeah lucky you got it done as quick as you did.

SPEAKER_01 43:38

Yeah no we we we we smashed it out in terms of selling you know a lot of the assets and then there's things that um we're keeping in the family of course and I'm the more sentimental one who is Western Colts Cup and he's cricket jumper and they those kind of things mean a bit more to me. Whereas Liam will take a Harley or two and whatever. I'm not gonna ride the Harley anyway, go and have it. Um so we all want different things to remember to add by. Um but yeah, I was sort of pushing the let's get this moving and be able to return to somewhat normality at some point in the near future.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

That's um that's interesting. I've when we cleaned out Kyle's place, you know, we kept some junks and whatever else and some old cameras that you don't do anything with, but the cricket bat and his cricket hat still sit in my bar. Yeah, and uh I've got a journal that he wrote in that lives in my safe. It's um it's interesting. We yeah, you're right. When you get a bit older, you take the sentimental things, and yes, you know, you've got the bright eyes of a Harley for your young brother.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

That's him and I quite different Liam. So uh um he'll put that to great use, and and that's that was his connection with dad. They'd go riding together in the Corvette together and those things. So uh that was that wasn't really me. Me, me and Dad was footy and cricket and other things in life as well. But um, that's how I'll best remember him from a sentimental point of view.

SPEAKER_02 44:53

Has losing your dad changed the way you look at life in general, whether or not it's your family or your purpose? Did you have this big catechlismic shock of now I know this, now I'm gonna live like this? Did did anything major change in the way you think about life?

SPEAKER_01 45:07

Probably just reinforced how vulnerable we really are, and that um life is precious, life is short, you need to live it up. And I think one thing that I've always done is prepare for what's next, but it's making me take stock of living in the present, not always preparing for that next pre-season program or the next thing I'm running at school or whatever it might be. But um one thing that dad did is live in the moment, and um that's really reinforced the fact to me that it's not always about planning and preparing and um getting something ready or having a project, which I like to have, but um stripping things back and living in the moment, so that's what I'm going to try and do a lot better. For me, it's I'm always gonna be that OCD type that likes to have everything in order. So I don't know that trade in my personality, but um having that balance is something I've I've mentioned a few times already today.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

Is there something that you want to pass down to your children that he gave you? Good question.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Um yeah, l live life to the fullest. I know it's a bit cliched, but he'd always um strive to be the best and and want what's best and and and bring other people into the conversation and those kind of things about really living life, not just being a a passenger or marking time, but go and do, go and explore, go and ask out the prettiest girl in the room. Like, yeah, don't don't be afraid, go and go and explore those things. So that's what I want to really pass on to. Well, firstly, ensure that I'm living that because I know that works, it worked for him. Yep. Um, but then uh you know, I guess my kids having those virtues as well. Yeah, nice.

SPEAKER_03 46:49

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

Do you find yourself parenting or coaching differently because of this experience?

SPEAKER_01 46:55

Have you learnt any lessons that you pass on into you know being a parent or um probably not yet because it's it's it's so raw still, and I'm probably catching up physically and emotionally with energy levels and exhaustion and those things. So I'd say I guess my performance, if you will, in those two areas has been less than I'd like. Um hence the decision I've made in the last few weeks around um stepping back from work a little bit and going back into the classroom as a teacher four days a week to be better at the things you mentioned. Not so much cricket, because cricket's very much a secondary or or third kind of thing that I do aside from work and and family. But um I think that'll that'll play out in the fullness of time. But um again, I'll I'll use that word around restoring that balance in my life, and it's probably brought that to a head in terms of um everything we've experienced recently and you know having some time to really reflect as to what do I want the next few years to look like with a really young family, and you know all too well. And congratulations again. Thank you, mate.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

How's that how are things going? She's mate, she's going really well. Yeah. Um we had a lot of trouble. So we actually I've got permission to mention this, but we we had a miscarriage to start with, and then we had our current daughter Harley, and then we had seven more miscarriages after that. Yeah, so yeah, this was a bit of a miracle one for us. Um so yeah, we had eight miscarriages total, which is the first time I've mentioned this on this podcast with permission from my wife. But yeah, so we were always on whole alert with this one. Um but everything went really well, and the birth went really well, and she's a she's a good kid and she's eating and growing, so it's amazing. Um it's it's awesome. I just go back to what you're talking about, living a bit more in the moment. I there's no doubt that I because I'm slowing down a little bit and I'm not working full time and I'm doing things that I want to do that are important to me, like this and painting and stuff like that. But this morning my daughter and I were having a pillow fight on the bed, yeah, and I looked at the time and I'm like, I've probably two, eh? Well, she had a heavier pillow. But I remember thinking, well, we've got to get dressed, we've got to get to daycare because daycare starts at 8:30. And I caught myself and I remember thinking, daycare starts whenever the fuck I want to take it. Daycare, and I thought, why would I want to cut this moment short to get her dressed to drop her off to tick that box? And I'm like, so I'm like, we're gonna pillow fight until she doesn't want a pillow fight anymore. So that's just a little thing that I noticed catching myself, or or when I've got my new daughter on my chest and I'm just watching the brown line or watching the footy. I really try to soak it in as much as I can and smell their head and just be like, Well, I know that they grow up quickly and this doesn't last forever. Yeah, especially when my daughter wants Harley, my oldest one wants a hug or a cuddle, and you know, she runs and jumps into your arms. I'm like, there's gonna come a moment where she does this for the last time, and I'm not gonna know that. Yeah. So um I think yeah, losing my brother and and everything else that went on makes me appreciate those smaller moments, and it also makes me realise that the world can be incredibly unfair. Yeah, um, so you get the double-edged sword. Um, mate, what else do I want to ask you?

SPEAKER_01 49:51

On that, while you're thinking, like I something I need to get better at is being present with the kids not thinking, okay, well, I've got to send 15 emails tonight, I'm gonna do this. What's next mentality? Always and torturous living like that. So uh I'm keen to strip things back for a little bit and just see how I operate because I think there's a lot of parallels with the way you and I have led our respective lives. Except, but you've always been better at cricket. Oh, I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_02 50:16

Did I mention that at the start? Did I? I did, yeah, cool. How many tests have been both for Australia, mate? You and I. Well, Luke, yeah, look, Luke often talks, he mentioned one day he goes, Well, you know, you're a good cricketer, right, Hag? And I'm like, Oh, that's such a subjective question, and it's so relative. And then I I remember listening to Stuart McGill on another podcast, and he was talking about you know, guys that have played one test or two tests still think they're shit at cricket because they didn't play a hundred. Like, where do you draw the line? Where do you draw the line? Like, it's such a relative term.

SPEAKER_01 50:46

And cricket's everything to me, like I'm I it's part of my identity. Yeah, I love it. Um, but there's you know, there's a sense of unfulfillment in premier cricket. Like I was out of the system at 23 with very unflattering stats, and uh I'm a far better cricketer now than I was then.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

I feel the same about myself, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:05

But obviously the the the physical toll and other things that that um pop up in life, but it makes you wonder if you if you stick out it a bit, but um I'm really enjoying my cricket. Um massive white line fever, um, and the leadership component is something I've done for 13 years now in Clublands.

SPEAKER_02 51:24

A hugely successful now. Like you're obviously a part of a powerhouse club and you've been doing you know the awesome work there for years now. Tell us about that. How's that been for well actually?

SPEAKER_01 51:33

I coached Roxford Park Broadmeadows as my first senior senior year. This is the first time I've been in Roxford Park for 13 years or 12, 13 years. You're welcome back on the drive-in everything. Yeah, oh yeah. Uh Mitch Johnson Drive around here. Last time I was here got seven of us, so I should come back more often.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

We'll include we'll clip that up.

SPEAKER_01 51:50

Yeah, yeah. Um, so yeah, I coached Roxford Park Broadmeadows um when I was 23 at a Premier Cricket from Essendon, had an absolute ball for two years. Um, we had a couple of Anuatu boys, we had um some really good mates that I brought across from Essendon. Um we played fearless cricket and we would field the house down and we'd have an absolute ball off field as well. So two of the more enjoyable years I've had in cricket. Um, we were highly unfancied, we had a very small budget. Um, but we we were minor premiers and came runners up in my second year there. Um it was at that time that uh they were talking about expanding premier cricket. So Werubby Melton and Pliny Valley were three potential clubs to get two licenses. So um I was looking at coaching premier cricket pretty quickly from not being hugely patient. Um so went to Werubby at 25 to to coach in the subbies for a year and then be their a normal premier coach should they get the license, which they were in the box seat uh to get. Um as we know, they didn't get a license. So who did? Uh no, they didn't expand in the end. They they they they uh reverted or or uh changed their decision there. So and to be honest, objectively, they they probably should condense the competitions too many teams, and and then and you know the talent is is definitely thinner than it used to be, I think.

SPEAKER_02 53:19

AFL's going through a similar house, the impulse crisis probably too strong, but definitely that dynamic.

SPEAKER_01 53:24

Yeah, yeah. Um so coach there won the club championship in the subbies there. Um, but I was pretty militant in terms of my expectations and standards on players that uh yeah, probably weren't quite adhering to that at times. And um I was an outsider, where it's a very tight-knit club, and not many outsiders uh make an impact there or on field, absolutely. And we did some great things. We had 50 plus at training every night, um, working our asses off. But um won the club championship, the fourths won the flag, and the next night I get called into the president's factory. He's he does apparel and he's sacked me. And I just I've never been more blindsided in my life. Um so yeah, that really got me. Um but yeah, I I'm a I'm again I'm not religious or hugely spiritual, but everything happens for a reason. Still trying to work out what why dad passed, but apart from that, um, but then I I go on to Coach Coburg, um, had the most amazing president, Don Hudson, um, who backed me into the hilt. Was there for a year and then Eston, uh, that job became vacant and put my hat in the ring. And they probably had a few other preferred candidates who had a bit more profile and whatever else. But um yeah, got the job and and we did really well there for three years, you know. We played finals every year and in the ones, um, and most grades won the club championship, first club championship in the club's uh or second in history and first in a good uh 55-60 years as well.

SPEAKER_02 54:57

Club championship at us and when you didn't know that. Yeah, it's so unreal.

SPEAKER_01 55:00

Yeah, something I'm really proud of, and that and we had a a really good team of coaches that I um coordinated, I guess, and great talent too. So you know, by that time the club was probably outlaying a few more dollars for for high-end talent too. Yeah, um, but still all the same, you know, it's it was a great achievement for the club. So something I'm really proud of. Um after three years there, I wanted to continue playing. I was only 30 at the time, and they were probably looking for a a non-playing coach, and that was for me non-negotiable. I was capturing the seconds at that time, and probably still capable of first eleven cricket. Um, but we had Liam Bo played in Old Stars.

SPEAKER_02 55:36

Yes, left-hand leggy.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

Yep, yep. And Nish Pereira's an excellent cricketer, so there wasn't really a spot anyway, in fairness. So um and Liam Malloy too is current captain.

SPEAKER_02 55:46

So that's how I felt when I was in teams with you, mate.

SPEAKER_01 55:48

It just wasn't a side. Or maybe Budgie, Steve I Buggy, Budgie was alright. He's a good man, so um, and then went to Yaval Club, so I've been there for six years now. Um yeah, started in that sort of COVID era, which was a tough time to build relationships and rapport with players and and um committee. But um, yeah, I've really enjoyed it there. Um, you know, the club's looked after me really well. Um, we've you know, I've had two kids during that time we've been at the club, um, dad's stuff, yeah, everything. So they've been incredibly supportive. And I think I've um hopefully giving back to the club. The club's tripled in size since I've been there. Um, it's not always about the silverware. We won one flag in that time, but um participation's through the roof. Um juniors, we didn't have juniors when I got there. Um and I'm not saying I'm the sole reason for this, but um definitely one of the drivers of you know re-establishing the the club and having it uh sustainable, got a women's team now and those things. So we're a lot more ambitious as a club, and myself and Kane Twentyman and many others, David Brown, Darren Kane, have all sort of really Kane Twentyman. No relation to Matt Twentyman, yeah, cousins. Is it really? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:58

So I play with Matt at North Melbourne. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 57:00

Yeah, small words to his own. Everyone knows each cricket and footy. Um so all those people done a great job. Uh Vito uh Destito, whose son played in the Vito Destito Destito. His son played um in the St Kilda first level premiership last season. Oh right. He debuted maybe halfway through the year and he took 30 wickets in probably six games. He absolutely dominated. Holy crap. Yeah, tall same great kid too. So um, yeah, and really enjoying we've brought a lot of young talent through Yarrival Club in the last couple of years in particular, and working with those kids gives me sort of a premier cricket light feel in terms of the talent that I get to work with. But then I've got Trent Lawford and Michael Hill and Matt Dorick sort of in that team.

SPEAKER_02 57:44

Makes it pretty handy, yeah. And that's another ex-teammate. Yeah, yes, yes, that's a good side.

SPEAKER_01 57:48

So I'm enjoying that. Um, but yeah, probably not investing the same amount of time as it would invest in because it's a different level and it's yeah, there's travel and those kind of things, whereas this is a bit more accessible for everyone.

SPEAKER_00 58:01

In what you were saying, just then, you brought up something really important, I think, about uh believing that things happen for a reason. Uh I I I'm a big believer of that too. But what am I creating for that to happen? Right. And when you talk about your dad, and this is the important part because I know that having lost a uh a bucket load of people in a very, very short space of time for myself and my family, uh there was that that question happens a lot, right? It's like, you know, if things happen for a reason, why did this happen? Right? And given that we're creating that experience, right? The thing that I I found was it wasn't the reason that they passed was had nothing to do with you. That's the hard part to get a head around. It was had something to do with that. And it's not mine to hold anymore, you know. Yes, I've got my own emotional attachment to it, but it's not mine to hold anymore. So I guess after all of that that you've just shared with us, because it's quite an uh very uh emotionally driven story that you did really well to not add any emotion to. Um what do you need now?

SPEAKER_01 59:17

Well, I think to your point around, you know, there's only so much you can influence, and the things that you can influence, you want to make good choices and provide that support and do the best you can, but there's things that we can't control. And you know, dad's illness I couldn't control. So what I could control was the support I gave him and being there emotionally, and as tough as that was, just fronting up every day. Um so taking that lesson as well. Um, and then thinking about playing your strengths. So we all we we always look at ourselves from a deficit lens or keeping up with the Joneses, you know. Absolutely. I can't do this, or why does this person have that? Um for me, it's yeah, it's it's really um sticking to your strengths as best you can. I was listening to a podcast a year or two ago, Craig Hutchison, S E N media mogul, um, divides people. I think he's done really well for himself. Um, he he says, What's your superpower in the room? What's what's the thing that separates you from others or the thing that you do better than anyone else in the room? So for me that's been hustle. Like I've been able to do things quickly and and efficiently, but even that sort of dropped off, you know, me not replying to your text to organise this for a few days irritates the the shit out of me.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

And it was always a voice memo, wasn't it? Well, this is this is the most efficient way to do it. I don't even have to use my function.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:37

Yeah, so and that that's not my standard. Yeah, um and it used to I used to be so diligent with things like that, and that irks me that I wasn't as attentive, and I purely had no more bandwidth to be able to do everything like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:50

It wasn't a priority, mate. You get around to when you get around to it. But you did start every message with sorry again, mate, it feels like I've been dragging. Well, you do it like four times a week.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:58

Mate, it's great, it's fine. But you have to own your shit and and and um be honest with people. So uh I want to be able to again shift a few things around to to revert back to that because I know that um when I'm at my best, that's that's a strength of that hustle balanced with um attending to the other priorities in life as well. Gotta be careful what it costs you. Yeah. I know I'm absolutely spent at the moment. Yeah, there's no doubt about it. So um I've never been more tired in my life, and we know that that can happen with with kids and everything too. But um, school holidays come at a bloody good time, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:35

Tired in the morning, eh?

SPEAKER_01 1:01:36

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:38

For sure. Yeah. I won't go into that here. But anyway, can see that.

unknown 1:01:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:43

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Shall we move on? I'd like Mitch to be a part of the next segment, if that's alright. Sure. You want to do that? We're almost done. I know we're on an hour. Um, but mate, every week we do what three things made us happy this week. So a small thing's check-in. Luke changes it to what things he's appreciated for. Same, same. Same, same. So I'm going to give you some time, Luke, to think about it. But so this is where we um reflect on the little things, whether it's a good coffee or whatever else it might be, an unexpected laugh or a rare sleep in Mitch. What I'll do is I'll go first and tell you what three things went well for me this week. So give you some thinking time. So, first off is this chat with you, Mitch. You're obviously our first guest in the um the Being Human series, which we're really appreciative of. So um, and it's been awesome. So thank you for that. The second one is I went to the preliminary final with my best mate Toby. Um, we had awesome seats. We were surrounded by Gil McLaughlin, Andrew Dillon, Eddie Maguire. It was unreal. So that was uh that was great. And then the third one is I secured grand final ticket tip. Wow. So um that's that's that's gonna be back to back big Saturdays, which means back to back not being a very good parent on Sundays, but um that is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:43

Well here's your tip, sorry, show I here's my tip.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:45

This this well, a couple last week I said I thought the Brownlow medal winner would be Nick Dacos and the premiership winner would be Geelong. So I'm gonna stick with Geelong and I'm shattered about Nick Dacos because it's really hurt my bank account because Riel's coming out of nowhere. Because if Dacos got up, I was going to win a lot of money because it's yeah. Well, I had I had the Cats to win at about four bucks and Brisbane to win at nine bucks in the multi, and I had Murphy Reed already signed off with Jeremy Cameron. So um I was a bit pissed off watching the Brownlow last night when he jumped out of the gates, but it is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:14

He's a bloody good player, though Rao. He is he uh I watched him a lot the last six weeks in particular, and he's a he's a freak. He's just an absolute bull. So no doubt. And some of the some of the games he got votes in were a bit interesting. 15 touches, two votes, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:29

Like I counted according to the AFL app, there were four games where he wasn't meant to poll votes and he polled eleven. Wow. That's unbelievable, isn't it? Unbelievable. What about you, Luke? What one thing you appreciate for, or what one reflection have you got this week?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:43

Uh yeah, so uh appreciative of the story. Thank you so much. Um I would say that uh you know it was uh my mother-in-law's birthday, um, and we do an anniversary thing because she's passed. Uh family come around and what have you. It was really cool to see everybody's kids now just running a mark. Like it was good fun. Uh and I got a chance to just sit out there with the kids in the backyard and they're literally playing cricket. And there were so many of them run and mark. It was just like, how do I get control of these kids? Because the parents are off doing their own thing, right? So then I ended up basically running a clinic. If you're like this, hey, throw the ball this way, hit it, let's do it. And um, I kept everybody in line, so I'm pretty appreciative of that. Uh and that was pretty emotional day, I think, that not anybody in the house wanted to um uh show and just wanted to move on. So I'm um appreciative of that that time with with everybody. Um I'm not really sure about now. I'm a shocker. I would like to say that I'm appreciative of this kicking stone I've got right now, because I tell you what I thought.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:54

I didn't want to mention that on the air, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:56

It's kicking my ass. Um, so thank you so much for being dehydrated, Luke. Why don't um yeah, that's it. I'm I'm on done. You're done. What about you, Mitch?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:04

Have you got three things that you can reflect on? Think of as many as I can. Uh one thing is uh mum. Mum's been incredible, good one, not just um across the journey, but recently we've had um obviously dad's stuff and then some other family things um in the last week or two, and um her selflessness to put others before herself, she's done forever and a day, and often at the expense of her own physical and mental health. So um shout out to mum, you do do a great job. Um appreciative of I guess the time spent with my kids over the next two weeks and looking forward to just sleepings and going for a walk with the kids and going to the playground, the little the little things that um I get to do uh due to the nature of my job. Um school holidays, you know, often there's a bit of a debate around how many holidays teachers get and and the hours and those things. But come week six, week seven, all teachers are closed. Absolutely 100%. And the kids are too. And that's the thing. The kids need a reprieve to be able to learn better for the following term. So looking forward to that. And appreciative of, I guess, just from a work point of view, my um my acting principal and my principal who's on leave at the moment, and um the other uh principal too, uh have been incredible in allowing me to attend to family things and personal things. Our school's under the pump a little bit at the moment, and that's part of the reason I've made that decision. But their understanding through all that has been nothing short of uh amazing and something I'll always always be appreciative of. So yeah, a few shout-outs there to to to people, but also things I'm looking forward to over the next two weeks. Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:47

That's great. I thought we'd just finish with this one. For others going through it, what is something, or you could say to someone listening right now that's just starting the journey with a parent's illness? Like my dad often talks about experience as the thing you get the moment after you need it, you've now got the experience. If you were gonna give out something to someone who's maybe an early diagnosis of cancer or something that's not looked particularly great, or just an elderly parent, like what what what could you pass on as something that's important to you that you've found through this sort of um journey?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:16

Yeah, ask ask those questions that you know will lead to stories that you've probably already heard before many times, but you may never hear again. So love that. Um, you know, the amount of times dad would say, I had to walk, you know, up Puckle Street and this and that and uphill and the sleeting rain, and I got to school, and then I have to run around, they'd make us run around Albert Park, you know, ten times and I'd come home and uh you know, Natal Pop couldn't pick me up, so I'd catch a train and this and that and the other, and you kids get dropped off everywhere, and you had it you had it too good. Um only to hear that one more time, all the other stories around him, you know, um batting off chicks with a little bit of stickety, they were lining up around the corner. Um, you know, as much as you you take the Mickey, like he yeah, you you're not gonna hear those stories again. So lap it up, embrace that, ask questions about their childhood or favourite memories or um friendships and those things, and um write it down or or you know, if you've got a great memory, good luck to you, but just soak in as much of that as you can, um, because there is potentially a finality to all that, not being able to access that that stuff that makes us human as well. For sure. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:31

I love that. Um, mate, that's just about it for this episode. We were this was being human with Mitch Johnson. So thank you so much for um for joining us here on Life's Bunts and Bruises. I'm sure thank you so much. I really appreciate it, man. Yeah, it was great. Absolute pleasure, Luke. Showday, appreciate it. Thank you, mate. If uh if there's someone else out there that may think that they are a good guest or they know someone, feel free to hit us up at life's bumpsbruises at gmail.com, or you can DM us in our Instagram at Life's Bumps and Bruises or Facebook under the same name. Mate, that's it. Can I say it? Here we go. I'll see you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:05

Thanks, guys. Cheers, you know, you can't get it.